Look, I know the areas in life where I excel. It unfortunately doesn’t involve me being a size two and wearing the most. stylish. boots. you ever did see. I will not be doing a triathlon, I’ll be the one over there handing out water and cheering you on while eating a muffin. My house isn’t ever company ready. Just move that pile of Legos, I will make dinner. I can make you laugh, I can make you think. I am a great friend. I am amazing in bed. I like the woman that I have become. I can also throw a party like you wouldn’t believe.
My name is Michelle and I throw “Pinterest worthy” parties for my children.
I don’t think this makes me a shitty mom, a superior mom, or that I have too much time on my hands. I assure you, I do not.
I also don’t think it makes you a shitty mom for NOT throwing parties like that for your children’s birthdays, having a spotless house, and working full time. I hope you’ll afford me the same kindness when I am braless in the drop off lane at school wearing pajamas and you look like you’ve had twelve hours of sleep, a blowout, and your makeup done before 9 am on a rainy Tuesday.
No really… my hair isn’t this big usually, the rain… dear God, the rain.
We all have our own things, our gifts, and talents. We all have our own priorities. That they are different, doesn’t make them wrong. We all are making the best of our collective situations, but it doesn’t mean we have to be assholes to each other.
See that? I swear too.
We’ve all become so defensive and annoying about parenting.
Do I make my single parent friends upset when I talk about an awful day that I’ve had when Dave is travelling for work and I don’t have a break? Do they think parenting is a breeze when there are two of us here? {Because it isn’t. Not even a little bit.} Does my friend Jen feel badly about showing off the hand sewn curtains and quilt she made for her sweet baby because I can’t sew for shit? Does Danielle feel badly that she runs freaking marathons {with her feet!} and training takes time away from other things? Does Kristina hesitate to Tweet that her kids are in bed by seven and she and her husband have some much needed alone time? Does Lindsay feel awkward that she always looks gorgeous next to the other moms at school? Does Emily pause before posting about finally, finally having her depression under control because she knows there are other moms still struggling? Do you neglect to mention that you and your husband are going on a vacation alone and get to sleep in for a glorious week because your sister hasn’t been on a vacation in 5 years? Does the mom from school buying Lunchables shove them under all of the other items in her cart when she sees you?
Why are we even thinking about this shit?
Really, why?
I have friends who feel badly about giving up breast feeding early, about breastfeeding too long, about not being able to cook, about not being the stylish mom, and about being the mom that wants a break from her kids. I have friends who feel guilty about sending their child to daycare, about not having the money to send their kid to camp, about not being athletic enough to coach their child’s soccer team. I have friends who worry about not having a house out of Martha Stewart Living. I have friends who feel like the frumpy mom, the single mom, the working mom, the stay at home mom, the mom that wore the wrong thing, the disorganized mom, the helicopter mom, the type A mom, the young mom, the old mom, THAT mom.
I have friends that worry that they are the only ones who aren’t Super Mom.
No one is Super Mom.
Not you. Or you. Or even you. Certainly not me. We just have different priorities.
My husband would argue that maybe shaving my legs and slapping on a little lipstick could take precedence over printing and organizing 350 school year photos for the kids in Finn’s class.
But Davester, I’m NOT Super Mom!
You want to be a crunchy organic vegan mama championing the fight against GMOs? Do it. You want to be the ballsy CEO of an empire so you can hire the best nanny money can buy? Step right ahead. You want to feed them takeout every night and spend that time playing with your kids? Go for it. You want to wear full makeup and heels on that field trip to the apple orchard? More power to you sister. You want to put those kids to bed at 7 pm every night and have some time to yourself? Rock on.
Just be a good parent, love your kids, and do the best that you can. Quit being a jackass to those who don’t share your choices.
More importantly, quit being a jackass to yourselves.
814 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 600 of 814 Newer› Newest»Dear God! This needed to be said! Power to the mothers! LOVE YOU!
That is so well said and I think I might need to read this everyday to keep the nasty thoughts about myself away! Thanks
You are amazing. Every. Single. Word. Truth! I LOVE it! I feel great about myself right now and I am reminded not to feel pressured and also not to judge.
thank you, love every word
Kindly remember this when you find yourselves criticizing your own not-perfect mothers... just saying
~~A still not-perfect mom (or grandmom)
sounds like you've got your priorities right to me!
You are a very wise woman to put your childrens' interests first. I salute you
Fan-freaking-tastic. Loved it, love you and you are RIGHT (not that that's what makes you great, even though you are..)
Hell yes, I'm a working mother of two boys ages 1 and 3. I just finished my masters and thought it was not a big deal...until I realized I'm a kick ass mama at the same time. Not always the most patient, not always the best cook, not always at the gym (hardly ever actually), not ever the classroom mom. I am however the mom who make sure to spend time with both her kids independently, who baked cupcakes when the boys want them, who grabs drive through when we want to play at the park a little while longer, who loves on her little hard because they are my gift to the world and its my job to make sure they are the best version of themselves everyday.
I love being a mom, I love being a teacher, I love being a friend, I love being a wife, I love being myself in the ten free minutes I have a month.
This post needs it's own billboard. :) Awesome, Mama.
Anonymous, I started thinking I just made no sense. Thanks for stating. :)
Never said I was perfect. But, evidently, I'm being judged on my choices and because of what I'm doing I am therefore labeled "Perfect Mom" which evidently is a very bad thing to be.
Most of this article has NOTHING to do with parenting - it's about clothing, fixing or not fixing your hair, not having sex with your husband, throwing parties, not shaving legs, being tired all the time....
This is all just comparing what I have or do to someone else which may result in me feeling guilty (why? low-self esteem - why do you care what others say????) Be a confident woman!
I'm told I'm missing the point, but I think others may be missing the point of what it really means to be a mom.
We can pick and choose my friends so that we don't hang out with other mom's that talk down and criticize our hair, shoes, clothing, personal belongings, etc. You beautiful woman should do the same.
I'm simply talking about parenting - the things that have to do with our children - health, stability, financial responsibilties, self-disciplined...none of this is mentioned and this relates to parenting (what a mom should be doing). There is definetely a right and wrong path for these things that relate to our children (just look at all the people with mommy or daddy issues - clearly there is a wrong way). Do not translate this to perfect/imperfect. Very different.
If you want to be free from the criticism, experience real joy and happiness, there is a path for this and it involves looking at yourself and not others. This article simply tells you - don't compare yourself to others because you may have guilty feelings about it. Ok, now what? That doesn't make you better at being a mom.
Being a mom requires continuous work, reevaluation of our actions and reactions, patience, persistence, you get the idea.
I saw some new mom statements, (Congratulations!!!), I'd like to refer you to a great PARENTING guide from an incredible highly qualified doctor. Her suggestions has completely changed my experience of being a mom and a wife. I didn't even know there were things I was doing to damaage my kids as adults. I'm an evidence based person, so she has all that documented for you.
You CAN have a peaceful home, so if you can, why not try? I encourage all to check it out because you and your family are worth it - http://www.ahaparenting.com/
Kids don't care about the same stuff that is being discussed. This is a mom thing. The kids are just fine as long as mom is fine and spends some time with them and loves them (and feeds them on occasion). By taking care of ourselves as moms, we are taking care of the kids too. Done.
Thanks for bringing to all the moms out there that we are all equal whatever our choices are. We are our biggest critic and our harshest opponents. Thank you for making me feel a little better as I look around my messy house with a preschooler laying next to me thank full my teenage girls are still in school for another hour before all the ruckus begins and I need to go in overdrive with mom, mom, mom. I needed that post today! God Bless
I'm with Rebekah on the whole stupid "don't judge me" attitude that so many people seem to have here. The post was dismissive of her husband
(quote: My husband would argue that maybe shaving my legs and slapping on a little lipstick could take precedence over printing and organizing 350 school year photos for the kids in Finn’s class.
But Davester, I’m NOT Super Mom!)
Which says to me that 350 pictures of someone elses' kids are more important than taking 5 minutes to do something her husband would appreciate. Good luck keeping him interested if you won't even put forth the minimal effort to be attractive for him.
The fact of the matter is that some moms ARE lazy and ARE bad and don't put forth any effort in anything other than THEIR interests. The whole "don't judge me" attitude is self-centered and self-important and is used far too often these days to justify bad behavior. This isn't something I want to teach my kids, because people do and will judge them, and and I do and will judge other people for their actions and behavior.
yes, this. all of it.
awesome post!
the only thing needed was a mention of the stupid scarfs I see all the size 2, booted moms wearing. That's one thing I don't want or envy as I'm lugging my clingy almost 3 yr old human monkey around.
And when is your book coming out...seriously...best ever!!!
YES!!!! This needs to be shared far and wide! Hey Hallmark, see this!!??
I enjoyed this, and I'm not a mother but still a busy full time working woman. Why are women so competitive and sometimes mean to each other? I feel like this everytime women with children make rude comments to me about not having any children. Why do women, feel free to make comments about others 'reproductive' lives. I was even told that I was 'selfish' because I didn't have any kids. Enough is enough.
As women we need to support each other and be more loving to ourselves. Children or no children.
Thank you , thank you, thank you for writing this! Every word!
THANK YOU! Wish more pinterest-worthy-party-throwing mamas would remind us they're not perfect :) for the sake of us wanna-be pinterest-worthy-party-throwing mamas
Thank you. I'm in tears now..... but thank you. Sometimes you just need to hear that you aren't as shitty as you think you are.
WONFERFUL!I am a step-mom and TRY EVERY DAY TO DO THE RIGHT THING& BE THE BEST I CAN BE! The biological mom doesn't like it, I will never understand it!
Blogged you at http://td365.wordpress.com/
:)
I really loved the read but I will judge the feeding of take-out every night... a bowl of rice krispies and a banana will do when you need time to just chill with your kid and not be cooking & cleaning for hours in the evening.
OMG so glad I stumbled upon this post! LOVE IT!!! Thank you :)
Kathi
Your body is what it is because of your beautiful kids! Love it! Embrace it! It took me awhile to get there, but you are beautiful!
well said made my eyes water :) quit being so hard on ourselves and love what cha got! live in the now and love your children i love it!! and tomorrow is another day! :) thanks for the pep talk~
OMG, this is the best thing I ever read. I'm still verklempt. Thank you.
Yes what about the kids? I agree we shouldn't feel pressure to be perfect but everything in life, especially with kids, is about balance. I work out most days without guilt because I know I'm still making my kids a priority. I also have a husband I prioritize because I didn't get married just to have kids. Balance people. Balance.
Grudgemom...posted @ June 4....exactly what I was thinking..hopefully you won't be considered the asshole.
Wow! Love this. I have one kid in college and one that just graduated from college, but this post still made me feel better. I do remember all the times I thought I was not doing good enough for my kids because I saw who I thought was a "super mom" doing better. I quickly shook it off because I knew I was doing the best for my kids and they love me! They are both bright, happy, well adjusted young adults and make me proud everyday. That's all I need!
LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!! Thank you so much for expressing exactly how I feel about all this super-competitive mommy nonsense! You rock!
AMEN!
Carry on Dwayne! Well done. Also, the blowout is a hair thing, as I've recently learned. Haven't had one yet cuz mine stays up in a hair tie all. The. Time. But that's neither here nor there.
This is seriously so brilliant I can't even stand it. Yes, Yes, Yes. Yes! I am struggling with this in particular now as I going back to work soon (Monday!) and my whole "Mom Identity" is all twisted up. We all should be more concerned with learning to validate our choices on our own rather than wallowing in our own insecurities and feeling like we have to defend(i.e.denigrate the choices of others)our own circumstances all the time. This is brilliant. Well said.
Go girl!
Go girl! Love this!
Sing it loud and proud, sister! The perfect piece, IMHO!
DAMN SKIPPY!!!
Isn't everyone TIRED of being so judgy? It's EXHAUSTING...
Oh, and as an aside, I have a "Finnegan" too. Now that's weird! Tate was on our short list of girls' names, but then I popped out a Declan!
Oh this is awesome. Thank you!
But you clearly did not get the meaning of this article.
Awesome. I will never be a super mom and to be honest, I am not sure this stay-at-home thing is really the best thing for my kids some days. But, I am pretty sure if we love our kids and say we're sorry when we mess up they will be lucky to have us... no matter how we do this. Thanks.
Can I just say "I love you"? Sorry to be so forward but a friend posted this on FB today and I laughed out loud reading! I volunteered to be president of the PTA, Hockey team manager, watch my neighbor's baby and sit on the steering committee of a non-profit and now my kids are eating popcorn for dinner because I have no time to cook! I was feeling pretty lousy but now I realize I am using my talents for the greater good! AND...my kids LOVE popcorn!
As a 50 year old single mom of a beautiful, wonderful, hideous, pain-in-the-ass, amazing teenage son, I applaud you, and wish I could have seen this post when he was a toddler. You don't know me, but please, PLEASE, focus on the vast majority of positive comments, and understand the haters gonna hate. You, well, you da bomb baby!
Thank you.
Thank you.
THANK YOU!
Awesome post! This is something I need to remind myself all the time.
Love it!! :)
Thank you so much for writing this. You are a blessing!!
--Candy S. from Ky.
Freaking incredible! And I rarely comment on blogs... :)
Good post. For me, it's never been about comparing or competing with other moms and dads. It's my own kids who trip me up. Just yesterday my 13 year old said (with disdain) "Well I've been on my own since 6th grade, so why do you care now?" This from someone who's been driven to school (that is 2 blocks away) more times than I care to admit because the rain will mess up her hair. Who has been given so many opportunities in sports, music, academics, travel and 2 parents to cheer her on. Who thinks paying $5 for a Starbucks Frapp is no big deal and could do it daily. And who just this year has been required to do her own laundry, make her own lunches for school and empty the dishwasher. I wish I could muster humorous thoughts and images of her having to deal with her own teenagers one day, but I'm not that mom ...
Fuck, what's a bunting?
Coming right over, we can compare dust bunnies for fun!
THAT WAS F-ING AMAZING I LOVED IT........................ MY KIDS LOVE ME--- I AM THE LUCKEST, OVERPROTECTIVE, NOSIE, MOM ON THE PLANET AND I DONT CARE I AM THEIR MOM..
Wow. Just, WOW! I may even print this out and keep it with me in my purse. You are someone I would make an effort to have in my life, for SURE. Thanks for putting it into words what many of us feel but cannot verbalize.
Wow. just, WOW! I may print this out and keep it in my purse!!! Thank you for verbalizing what many of us simply cannot.
I couldn't have said it better myself! And if ya need another friend I'm available because I sympathize with most of the feelings you posted and you just seem like an all around wonderful person to have as a friend! Great job girl!
This was simply amazing! We are all different, unique, and yet so wonderful. Sometimes we simply need a reminder.
This makes me feel so much better about my "inability" to do laundry. And the fact that I'm so busy making sure the rest of the house looks semi decent that I ignore my room andjustify the mess by saying it's fine company can't see it
THanks. I am going to be Sharing this with every Momma I know!!!
LOVED this! Thanks for sharing.
I've been a mom for 19 years and the judging thing stinks. However, I do think women bring this on by comparing themselves to others. If we only worry about ourselves and quit comparing to other people, we are so much better off. And what's with the Anonymous hater??? Why so angry over someone stating their personal opinion on their personal blog? Tolerance, we need tolerance in this online world.
Thank you!!
Word to your mother!
Brava! I wonder why we fight so hard to be able to choose between being a SAHM or a "working" Mom (let's face it, we ALL work!), and then we criticize and judge each other when we make different choices. Let it go. Do YOUR best. Well said!
Why couldn't someone say this to me 40+ years ago?
and as my favorite author wrote: "don't compare your inside to everyone else's outside."
Wonderful Post! Thank you! Thank you! *HUGS*
Well I am an old Mom now.. and like all of you I too felt this way. I survived and have 2 great sons 39 and 42... But I'm still being a Mom, Grandma and Great Grandma. Be yourself!
Our school has a dresscode, enforced on parents as well, that include no pajama bottoms...
I too am a Mom with grown sons 39 and 42, and a Grandma and Great Grandma,I have felt the way many of you do.. I think what your saying is you do YOUR best with what you have. there is no wrong way, and we all want to be better. your Loving your Children.
Oh my gosh. LOVE, love, LOVE this. Thank you for writing. Perfect.
While the original blog was funny & I enjoyed reading it- I am completely in agreement with Rebekah with all of her posts & replies.
Wow great read. Im a mom of - Ive done the best I could for all the 4 They are aliveand grown. I hope they feel I did a good job but if they dont or yhink I vould of done better.I only pray they are healthy, happy, and wise. And that they have as awsom children like I was was blessed to have. By no means perfect but I can smile, cry, and sigh at my many memories thatweve created together.
I don't know who you are but you just made my day with this post! Us moms have to stick together, preach on sister! :)
claire
www.wastingtimewisely.com
Great to see Dad's like you!
Some great points about parenting although I do take issue with take out for kids. Put simply it's junk and contributing to health and education problems worldwide. By all means be the mother you can be and proud of it but ffs feed your children quality food. Give them a better chance in the future.
as a mother of a 27 year old two 24 year olds (twins talk about work) and a 21 year old let me tell ya they grow up fast. Relax a little love your kids and have fun. A lot of things come out in the wash. Three of my children are college graduates and the fourth is a junior in college and traveling Ireland at this very moment.I wasn't super mom just a loving mom and everything is turning out great. Give yourselves a break be good to your kids and some day you get to be as proud of your children as I am of mine.
thank you
Enjoyed the post and completely agree moms need to ease-up on the junior high judgment act, especially on the material, surface and appearance aspects that simply don't matter or define us. However, this also makes me question, What is the line of a good or hard-working mom and a lazy or selfish mom?
I agree with Rebekah Johnson's comment above, "There is a difference between those things that have nothing to do with being a mom (heels to field trip, no bra [I might add "decor or lack thereof"]) and those that impact our kids - food we serve them, rest they need, skills such as organization and financial smarts."
Great post and very thought-provoking, Michelle!
This was a great post :) I think we share similar parenting/coping philosophies, except I'd argue that we ARE Super Moms - even if we don't fit the stereotype :) I'm going to follow you, and hope you'll check out my blog, too! Http://accidentalsupermommi.blogspot.com
Perfect! We can all relate so well!
I thank God for you and this post.
I needed that! Thanks for posting this...
Thanks so much for your honesty! I raised five of my own and I can identify with all of your angst. When your kids grow up they will remember the good and bad times, but they will never forget what you did to make their lives special.They will remember events that you will forget and remind you what made it wonderful to them. Keep up the great work!
Thank you. I often feel like "that" mom. Love this post and agree wholeheartedly.
for the record... some of us dads (most dads i'm sure) don't mind the braless in the drop off lane at school. just sayin'
wow, I almost didn't read this when a friend posted on facebook because I thought, "oh great, another perfect mom that has time to blog". So glad I did take the time. I will definitely be back. You sound just like me!!!
bring it in... it's Chest Bump Time.. this is Where it is it.. This is the shizzzznit!
That was awesome, well said.
I love you. Thank you.
As a teacher, I can tell you that your children believe you are all super moms! Whenever you volunteer to help in class, attend a field trip, or come to an after school activity, (no matter what you are wearing, what size you are, what you do for a living, etc.), your children are proud to introduce you to me <3
You did miss the point. We as moms or dads need to stop trying to be what appears to be perfect and just be the best parent that we can. That in itself is simply perfect.
I hope you don't mind that I shared this. I can tell you I have thought about this so many times and am so glad that you took the time to write this because I don't know that I could have found the words! Thanks!
Thank you from the disorganized mom who has had a lot of issues with anxiety/panic attacks/depression.. I will try to remember a lot of mom's have some of the same feelings. :)g'night to the mom's out there! Get some restful sleep!
Thank you soo much, very well said,, I have a lot of anxiety/panic attacks/depression,, I just do the best I can, give my kiddos lots of love, working on giving myself pep talks :)
I want you as my friend! You are brilliant!
We need to remember this everyday! So true! Thank you for saying so it is easy to forget that everyone is in the same boat and not the same.
Good god. Do I even need to comment? Pro'lly not but I will anyway because the need for this piece is so incredibly grand that I just can't help but be ecstatic about its existence. I am that, clean house and perfect birthday party mom. I am NOT that outdoorsey, yoga taking, heel wearing mom. And that's o.k.! Good god o'mighty! It is more than O.K.! It is necessary. Can you even imagine if we all had the same priorities? This entire planet would be royally fucked. Bless you mom, and you, and you, and you, and me.
Aaaahhh. The fine line between individuality and responsibility. Never an easy answer, but worthy of exploration. I agree that we all need more understanding and support as we go along this journey. And credit for being uniquely made, with individual gifts, talents, interests and priorities. The petty comparisons are damaging in so many ways. They are part of life though, however sad it is, and I totally agree with the blogger here that I wish we could all just love one another for who we are and appreciate the gifts and talents that others have. That being said, though, I have to agree somewhat with Rebekah. Nowhere in life should we just say "this is me and that's it." We should be evolving and improving every day, including our parenting. We owe it to our children to work at being better humans, better women and better moms to the best of our capabilities. This is how our children will learn to better themselves throughout their lives. It's also how they'll learn to have standards in life that will help them get ahead. There's a great parenting author who says to have a mission statement for your child at birth. Determine who you want that child to be as an adult in terms of values, character, etc., and then parent them in that direction from day one. Be intentional. Be deliberate. Don't just blow with the wind from crisis to crisis with no direction. We only get 6,570 days to shape them for life and give them a healthy start. They deserve us to be the authentic, genuine, unique moms that we are, but they also deserve the best from us that they can get ~ even if it means we push ourselves a little harder. Not because others say we should, but because we know better and we accept that responsibility.
Thank you so much for lifting my spirits today!!!
Well done. No one can do everything. We must balance our priorities in addition to the situations we are in. Just love your kids and enjoy the time you have them. Don't worry about other people's "norms" or expectations. Do the best with what you've got. We and our kids all learn lessons from our realities.
Word.
I LOVE YOU. Thank you for saying what we all (well hopefully all of us) are thinking. You rock. I will shout about your post from the rooftops! XOXO
Love.
FOR A LACK OF BETTER WORDS...I LOVE THIS!!! AND THE COMMENTS FROM OTHER MOM'S IN THE SAME BOAT...MAKES IT EVEN THAT MUCH BETTER OF A READ:)
Yes sister....go on and preach that shit! I'm with you and applaud you for this stellar post. Wo as women, moms or not, need to have each others back and stop judging, competing and tearing each other down.
I laughed and cheered! Thank you:)
Couldn't have said it better myself! Love this.
umm I love you, and your braless, giant hair, no lipstick, hairy leg super b'day party self! Thanks for writing this. Instead of mommy wars it would be a partnership of respect and complimentary skills.
So needed this! Thank you:)
So you're Super Mom?
So needed this!! Thank you!
Thanks for the reminder. We all could use it from time to time.
I guess my idea of kids needing their sleep is different then yours. My kids go to bed at 8 and wake up at 7:30!
Thank you!!!! I needed this today!
She didn't say she was lazy or inactive. She said she doesn't run marathons. Neither do a lot of moms but we can still be healthy and sexy. There are some mornings, that's just how it goes. Getting your kids to school on time is more important than a bra. No one said we're heros, just human. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't want the other dads all over her. She sounds happily married and If she's good in bed, her man loves her, hairy legs and all.
THANK YOU!!!! For putting into words what I feel everyday
Love it!
I so Agree with Michelle, who ever you are..I have taught my children to be Loving,Happy, Giving Wonderful,And productive Human Beings..all without being Totally Anal about making sure my house is Company ready..or I look like a totally put together "all the time" Freak..I don't agree with making a big deal out of my kids having a cookie or spending some of their "earned" money to go and grab an Ice cream with their friends..and being so "compressed" with your life and teaching your children the same "ANAL LIFESTYLE" is a total shame..and a waste of Your time..you My Friend will end up with a child who will find out that smoking Pot is Way More Fun Than spendind time with You..as the get older..Trust me..I Have seen and watched it happen..not to mention several young adults that have committed suicide..because they can't live up to their parents ENORMOUS EXPECTATIONS..WEIGH THAT ON YOU SPECIAL "WHOLE FOODS SCALE" P.L.E.A.S.E...LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES..IN THE YEARS TO COME..
I had my first child at 17; my 5th at 25. I buried my first born when she was 5 days old. I have been a married mom and a single mom.....married was easier. I have been a stay-at-home mom and a working mom....stay-at-home was easier. I am now the grandmother of 7 at 56. But that is my story. It is easy to not compare yourself to other moms. Stop reading blogs and stupid magazines. Get up, out and live your life for you and for those you love. You are you and that is enough. Avoid people who make you feel less - and stop judging others (moms who don't give two shits about the needs of their child - pretty judgemental. Who made you God???). Life is too short. Live it, don't watch others doing it!
I so love this!!! Thank you!
Well said and thank you
It wasn't..and how long does it take to "REVIEW"..?? No swearing..just plain old GRATITUDE.!!
thanks that was great!
Thank you, thank you. I just had this rant/conversations recently with spouse and friends. Maybe we will all take a stand together.
couldnt relate more to this post ...... love it!!!!!!
I'm a grandmother today and I wish I had read this article when my kids were little. You may not be Super Mom but you nailed this topic.
BTW, when I was a psychotherapist I never once had a client whose problem involved a Mom who took him/her to school in pj's! :)
Not sure when motherhood became a competitive sport, but I'm pissed it seems to have happened before I had kids.
Thanks for helping to put a stop to all that ;)
(Shameless self promotion: http://www.readyornotmom.com/2013/08/american-mom.html?m=1)
Holy judgement, batman. Apparently everyone who doesn't behave like Rebekah is fat, lazy, slovenly, unorganized and scientifically proven to be a crap mom. I'm sorry to break the news to you but just because you have a skinny family and have no health issues like fibro or lyme or post partum that on bad days makes dragging yourself out of bed in sheer exhaustion and pain to care for your kids the most you can do and therefore necessitates driving to school in yesterdays yoga pants and greasy hair does not make you better than anyone. Having a super clean house does not mean you are better than anyone else. Lots of moms would judge you for choosing to work instead of sacrificing to stay home and be there for your children's precious formative years. Perhaps it's easy to keep a clean house if your children are messing up your relative's house or day care all day instead of yours or you have a nanny to pick it up for you. They would also criticize you for sleep training (which is scientifically shown to cause damage and unless you have amazing sleepers and strangely think that had something to do with parenting rather than luck, I suspect you did CIO) and unless you extended breastfed, had a natural birth, feed your kids all organic vegan fair trade or a Weston Price diet, babywore, cloth diapered and never let your child watch tv etc. somebody is going to think you feed your kids crap out and parent out of laziness and ignorance because you used a stroller, gave your kids a time out, or did or did not vaccinate. On the flip side if you did all of those things, then there are people who will think you're a terrible mom for doing them and a self righteous weirdo to boot.
You obviously think everyone is like you and it's just a choice to not be organized or to have children without special needs who sleep easily in the evening and obey you when you want them to clean the house for you instead of having sensory meltdown. Walk in love. Don't judge people even if you think they are doing the wrong thing you may not know their whole story.
I do think this article is more about women's perceptions of themselves rather than what makes a good parent. Being a mom isn't enough so we have to be Martha Stewart Pinterest worthy home makers or define ourselves by our crunchiness or organization skills, or looks and wealth and style to feel worthwhile just like we did in high school. Taking care of children is full of both wonder and monotonous drudgery and has been devalued and unappreciated all throughout history and by some second wave feminists in modern times. Whether you can you own garden veggies or make gorgeous scrap books or run a marathon has nothing to do with parenting and you children might admire you for your craftiness or ambition but if that isn't who you are don't beat yourself up over it, your children will love you for you, for the times you held them when they were sick, for being there for them no matter what, for just simply being their mom.
Rebekah, respectfully, I really don't understand what you are talking about. Your second sentence in your first comment just doesn't speak to what the article is saying at all. The entire article is about not judging each other for the choices we all make in our own lives and just be kind to each other. Which means, no one is judging you about your choices and saying you are giving up anything. I just can't work out where you came to that conclusion. Your life sounds wonderful for you. Mine is different. I don't think you are giving up anything and I ask that you don't judge me for not living exactly like you. That is really the only point the post is aiming to make. I would love to know your profession as you are obviously very intelligent and a very logical and analytical thinker. Scientist?
I couldn't love this post any more if I tried. So much truth. Just brilliant.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Simply yes.
Love love this...been many of these, working executive, always put together, dropped off kids in my PJ's, went from size 10 to 22 (coulda cared less) in six months (those meds saved my life), had people say oh you have it all to --- I don't know how you do it. I hate it that this world has become so overly "sensitive", so "politically correct", I am alive and yet 18 years ago I had a 2% percent chance of living --- some people were straight forward about me dying (YAY I didn't) and others couldn't even look me in the eye and ask me how I was doing...I love that I don't have to stop and think about petty crap anymore, the people in my life celebrate for each other and grieve for each other...it's part of life.
I am a Grandmother now and what I want to know is where were you when I was a young Mom? LOL. I have a wonderful Daughter-In-Law who works and so does my son, they have 3 beautiful girls and she is the most selfless woman I know. I always tell her, we didn't come to see your house, we came to see you. She is Supermom and I tell her as often as I can. How she does half of what she does I will never know. Your words are just what she needs to hear from someone other than me so THANK YOU for saying it. I hope she read this and will say Fuck Off to everyone who makes her feel like she doesn't do enough. I love her and I love you for letting woman know we are who we were when you met us, we are just busier now.
omg love this! I was shoeless this morning when I drove my son to his bus stop. haha
Really? I totally have my shit completely together all the time.
I'm sorry- I spit laughed a little while I typed that...
Now where's my vodka....
@Rebekah J......you missed it. We are all happy that you can do all that you can do, no one ever said that it was wrong to set those types of goals, nor did anyone ever say that it wasn't what we all should be setting our goals toward. All we're saying is that we don't give a flying fandango if YOU were able to achieve all that in one day. Because it's all relative. To you, THAT may be perfection. To you, THAT may be the RIGHT way of doing things, how to run a house, TO YOU, NOT TO EVERYONE. For you to impose your opinions on everyone else makes the rest feel less than. Makes us feel like our perfectly done laundry, if that all we were able to do that day, was less than yours, because you did it in a house that was company ready ALL THE TIME. That's just demeaning to others out there who strive for the simpler things in life. For a day with no arguments, for a day when they were able to stretch their dollar enough to get that ice cream cone for their kids, for a day that all they were able to get done WAS feed and wash their kids. To them, that is perfection and THAT should be enough for a pat on the back. Not the comparisons that you strive to win. Life is NOT about being the BEST in comparison to others. Life is about being BEST that YOU can be.
here here!
I don't have kids, but I like your style.
I needed this and would also love to learn more about your friend Emily and overcoming her depression. Can you give a name to her blog if she has one or provide more info on that?
Thanks for being real!
Holy Comments, but I LOVE this! Thank you thank you thank you!!!
Thank you for this post!!
See, a real woman knows how to make a man laugh. A real woman knows her limitations, and her strengths. A real woman does show up braless in the school line to drop off her kids. A real woman knows how to cook and how to please her family. This woman who wrote this post is a woman I hope most young men hope to find. I married a gal like her. My wife and she could be sisters. A dear gal pal of mine posted this on FB and I am so glad I took the time to read it. Her post in my opinion needs to be handed out to young girls as a "how to" to attract the RIGHT guy for life. Awesome!
I have been thinking this ever since I got pregnant! It's about time someone said this and you put it into words much better than I. I'm so tired of all the stupid competitions moms put on each other. Great job with this post! If I was there with you I would give you a hug and a high five lol Thanks again
You missed the point. Don't get annoyed by the mums who don't give two shits about the needs of their child, because you don't KNOW if they give two shits or not. Don't judge other mums just because they have different priorities.
Ha ha, you crack me up! I do the same thing. My 2 yr old sleeps 12-14 hrs and puts herself to bed, so when someone asks about sleep I always have to follow it up with "oh, but she doesn't talk much and we're not trying to potty train yet". Thanks for your comment:)
I too was a single mom, dad not in the picture. Didn't have a lot of money. Kids were happy. We did everything without spending anything. And now that's what they remember. You don't need to impress anyone. Just love your kids because you never know when tomorrow will be the worst day of your life. My 30 year old son died a year ago. I also have a daughter 28. We still did holidays just as we did when they were kids. They wanted the tradition to continue. So all that other stuff is not important! Go with them on a field trip with the class, go watch when they practice and play sports or dance. That means more than what shoes you wear or car you drive.
And I sure would rather be a hero to my child than be a " wanna be".
Don't have regrets! I don't. Just miss my son!
I absolutely LOVE this comment!! I completely relate. I've now surpassed the "5 second rule" and it has become the "from today" rule lol!!
It's awesome to hear from the caregivers perspective but a word of advice, never call yourself the stand in mom. Unless you are a parent, you will never truly understand what it means to constantly self doubt. As a working mom who is still home to
make dinner every night for my kids and tuck them in bed, I know it first hand. Be careful using the word mother...It means quite a bit more than you may think. Your role is equally important but different
LOVE IT!!! I shared with my mom friends! Thank you!
Beautifully said. So true. Thank you for letting other mums know we are not alone.
LOL! Me too!
Singing my song! Michelle! Love this post, yes, we really all just need to get along and support each other. Thanks for saying it so eloquently!
I think I speak for most of us when I say: The same way we feel about babies before 40 when your first is 1! Your age doesn't define you as a mother. Nor does the ages of your other children. I am 6 years younger than my brother and we have always been super close. He is one of my best friends. You go on with your bad self and be the best mom you can be. Your love for your children, not your age or theirs, is what makes you a good mom.
Can I be the crying mom today because im just so tired I can't see straight...but also the mom that made sure my little girl wore yellow today to school cause its yellow day....I needed this cause I feel like I fall down on the job every day...thanks.... power on moms!
Terry:Sidenote:Sleep while they r sleeping the first three months of their life, it may be the only sleep you get! No one told me that until I was worn out. Parenting doesn't have an instruction manual, just dont sweat the small stuff. Wish you the very best
Like all but this:"Do I make my single parent friends upset when I talk about an awful day that I’ve had when Dave is travelling for work and I don’t have a break? Do they think parenting is a breeze when there are two of us here? {Because it isn’t. Not even a little bit.} "
This is defensive and not appreciative of others. The rest of the essay is about respecting differences and styles and choices, which is awesome. This line is defensive and not appreciative of how here single parent friends are struggling every day. It is similar to saying to a friend who has a child with a disability: It's so difficult when my child gets a C on a paper or doesn't make the team.
WOW! Im a mom "to be", and i love working hard and my plans are be a good mom, but still work hard...but i 've been judge because of that... i don't know what future might bring me... maybe God has another plan for me... but in the midtime, i just like the idea, and dont want to justify myself to anyone... so thank you for your post, for be so honest, for help me in knowing, that no one has the magic wand to make everything perfect, and it means that we have to learn in the process... thnk u
Best. Post. EVER.
Of all time.
Thank you. Love it.
Amazing post. Thank you, thank you!
Simply said - Thank You!
GREAT post. Thank you, thank you!
You are amazing and wonderful...a woman who put the needs of her children ahead of her ego in the ultimate sacrifice. I am awed by your strength and humbled by your courage.
you are so right! I'm a divorced dad to an 8 year old & I can relate and agree with everything you just said :)
Loved it!
Great post! I was a nanny for 13 years (on the PTA, room mother, field trip chaperone). I got to know so many wonderful parents, working and staying at home. I was surprised not at the judging, but the fear of being judged. On both sides! Working mom's were worried the stay at home mom's were judging them for not being more involved and the the stay at home mom's worried the working mom's thought they were lazy and poorly dressed. It was eye opening. Now that I'm a mom, all I worry about is my daughter and husband. I don't judge and I don't care what people think when I'm in my PJs until noon! Parent on!
Absolutely fantastic post! You go girl!
We all are doing some things really well as parents, and other things soooo not well at all! It's ranking priorities, and the great thing is we can always adjust those priorities as our lives change over time.
Well said, and so important to be reminded of this every so often.
<3
Amen sister!!! <3, <3, <3 this post!!!
Nice for this stay at home dad, ( an identity I am working on) to hear on a morning when it seemed like I needed to let the kid cry it out. Then not wallowing in the guilt that set in afterwards.
Thank you. Bad week. Had a good cry,moving on.....
You rock - thank you for the important reminder! ANNND if you could teach me how to throw Pinterest worthy parties for my kid, I would greatly appreciate it!
Love it. Thank you.
WOW!!! A truly great & raw article!!! I really think that we all (mothers) at one point or another, even on a daily basis, think this way, but never speak about it! I never really understood why some moms, after facing motherhood in the face & experiencing the ups & downs, the joy & the tears, still have the ovaries to criticize other mom for the most insignificant things in life! "Just be happy" & whenever you cross paths with one of these moms, just smile & remind your self that you are unique, just one of a kind & no one can do you better YOU! LOL
Sometimes I put dirty dishes in the oven so no one can see them, cause even the dishwasher is full of dirty dishes, and I go on a bike ride with my kids!
I am a mother of 2, a full time social worker, and a full time college student. The time I get with my children is the most wonderful time I could ever ask for. Sure some of the time is yelling due to fighting between siblings, fighting to get baths done, homework done, and finish up with dinner. But then that 30 minutes before bed when you sit and get to read a favorite story, give goodnight prayers, and then my favorite parts, the kisses, hugs, and "I love you so much mommy." That is why I am a mom, that is what makes my most favorite job in the world, being a mom, worth it. Those little faces are the reasons to wake up, drop off at school and daycare, work, finish own schooling, and do everyday the same exact way. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for what I have. The kids are my world, this is what is important, the kids. If your children are happy and you can see this and love them so much, you are a SUPER MOM!
this is so true and i needed it today. Thank you
Amen and Rock on. Just love them babies.
I saw this shared on a friend's FB status. I'm totally sitting here on my couch with 1 of my four sons (he's 4 years old and doing his own thing right now which is studying the small list of Disney Cars we DON'T have and plotting his "shopping list" even if we tell him we will get just one.) I'm in a very old maternity pajama bottoms that are pretty much so thin you can see my knees. They're baggy as hell beings I had my last baby 3 years ago. I'm wearing my husband's old Willie Nelson shirt because I haven't been caught up on laundry in weeks. It's orange and totally doesn't match these light pink bottoms with little girly stars all over them. My skin feels crumbly and tight because I've been using these Stridex pads on a really bad acne break out that's finally leaving. A moment ago I was scrolling down FB checking out my friends, the moms who look like freaking models with perfect lives, going on trips and the biggest complaint they can make is how they messed up the pretty cupcakes they made that morning, the single moms struggling to make ends meet and keep up with the Janes, the friends I've never met that share interesting memes from big religion to almost sinister jokes. The gaming momies that play Mine craft and Battlefront with their kids. I'm one of them, yes I play Xbox with my older two and all their friends. I get "there's a mom in chat with us, y'all be respectful" and "you're a nice mom".. apparently their friends don't know me very well. Cause I do feel mean sometimes when I have to be. My husband has my back when I get feeling jealous of the pretty Barbie life moms. I took a look through my FB photos and realized I may appear like a Barbie myself if it wasn't for my realistic status updates. My photos are all doctored up, pretty auburn hair, skin smoothed out, a perfect size 4, happy kids, a clean house. If it weren't for my spam statuses about missing my two oldest kids who are 7 and 9.
I was about to click on some photos of my FB friends' trips and bask in the non-option of my husband and I going on any vacations in the future, and bask in the unlikelihood of my ever buying such a nice car as the one another stay at home mom got, but this link was eye candy to me. Because it had the word Mom in it. I'm a sucker for anything geared towards mommies. I read it, twice. And I want to tell you THANK YOU! I'm sharing this. You get it, you're realistic and straight up.
One other thing to the girl who says YOU put lables on those moms. She didn't start those labels they were there long before the blogger was alive. If you didn't know that I hope your enjoying that cave your living in. And for the other chick who thinks you have to be athletic to be good in bed. If you think thats the only way to be good in bed then you are probably not but rock on anyway.
IVF Hopeful, I COMPLETELY agree. This post was exactly that, I think no matter who you are, you're harder on yourself than anyone else might be. Do the best that you can do and be ok with that, the other opinions just don't matter.
Thank you! I really needed this. It is wonderful to know that I'm not the only one who has a messy house but would rather spend time with my daughter. She means the world to me. Even though she is only 5 she has mentioned that she enjoys spending time with me. As do I. This is the most important thing to me.
My Mom WAS a supermom! Women are lazy today. We have technology that should simplify our lives and give us more time, yet it seems no one can keep their house clean, prepare healthy meals or attend to their children appropriately. Pathetic!
Thank you so much for great words of wisdom.
LOVE THIS POST!!!!!! I feel the same way, and couldn't have put it quite as well as you have. I will definitely be sharing this post!!!
Wow. What an ass.
This post ROCKS! You covered everyone/thing making it so relatable to all. Thank you for taking the time to write this!
Terri, prepare yourself, this isn't just a phase, this is the rest of your life. They'll just need in different ways.. B-)
As I read these "recent" comments I am amazed on how quick people can relate, and are kind with their compliments or in need of their own forgiveness on not being perfect...but also am amazed on the negative comments that:
1) presume to know Michelle, her family, her life by reading a few paragraphs
2) how CREEPY some comments are on Michelle's insights on herself (unshaved legs, not working out, and good in bed)
3) MOST OF ALL ...how quick judgements are on Michelle's life. ....ironic THAT IS THE POINT OF THE BLOG - NOT TO JUDGE
If you would like to KNOW my daughter GO READ her blog on "34 RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS" or the many other blogs that shows her humor and wry wit...and then reflect on what YOU have done to better this world.
I don't understand this blog thing, but am proud of my daughter and what she gives to her family, her friends and her community!
Michelle's Mom
(aka Janet - you can search on my name and read all the stories she's written on me.....again, all done with the wit and humor of a talented, confident woman)
Great post! It doesn't just apply to moms (either moms of young children or moms of adult children)...but ANYONE, ANYWHERE!!! It includes MEN (OMG...yes, really!)!! We need to get our priorities straight. We are who we are...whatever that is, it's enough that we try to be good people, good parents, good employees, good citizens, good neighbors, good teachers...just good. We are good enough the way we are. We need to accept our "shortcomings" and work with them. If you can't sew, find a good tailor or seamstress. If you can't drive, take a taxi. We need to stop beating ourselves up over every little thing we perceive as faults in ourselves. We must STOP comparing ourselves to that runway model, the "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" or the star athlete. Be you...no one else can do it better!
That was very refreshing, my fellow non-super mom. I want to be friends with you!
Gee, it must suck to be you! So sorry you are so insecure that you feel the need to say hurtful things to others...anonymously at that!!
I am not a mom yrt! Hopefully I will be one day. I'm 31 with fertility issues and the bank account that doesn't allow my hubby and I to afford IVF! But THANK YOU for this post. It is PERFECTION! I have it printed AND laminated on my fridge! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!
Before I had kids I had it all figured out. I knew exactly what my priorities were, and they were to 100% be supermom.
Now here I am, five years later, with a medically fragile child, a child with autism, and one sweet angel we had with us for one precious day. It's funny how life changes priorities.
I find that in the special needs world mothers can be just as cruel, but it's an entirely different level. Most of us don't give two shits if someone's house is clean. We're more judgement all if someone's house IS clean, because if you're spending all that time cleaning, who's working with your kids? If you get your hair and nails done more than once a year, we're like why are you wasting that money on you that you could be spending on your kids' therapy? Why are you doing meds? Why aren't you doing meds? Why aren't you seeing Dr. Suchandsuch? You're not gluten free? You don't grow your own organic vegetables to blend to tube feed your child? It's an entirely different world.
I'll admit, I often have difficulty tolerating "normal" moms anymore, with their focus on smocked outfits and the perfect white dresses for the beach photos. I have difficulty tolerating the "Johnny didn't get third base or an A or class president and its so unfair." I am the first to admit to judging those moms because dammit, why can't mothers just focus every single day on how damn lucky they are to have the child they have instead of focusing on the child they don't have? Why can't mothers focus on celebrating the child they have and the adult they will (hopefully) become instead of focusing on these petty little details that don't even effing matter in the grand scheme of things? But I live in a world where kids don't always talk and kids don't always walk and kids don't always live. Priorities are different here... Except they're not. We all want the same thing you do... To raise happy, productive, amazing children who will change lives and bring good into the world.
My point of all this is I think no matter what we say, we're all a little judgmental, and that's okay. We all want to be a little bit better, and that's okay. It's not okay to be a jackass to someone who doesn't agree with you, though, because we all walk different paths and that's the whole point of this post. Rebekah, congrats for having your shit together. I'm sure you're raising fine children who will be great citizens one day. But here's the rub, you and I and all these other moms, regardless of the situation, we're ALL doing something right, and we're ALL screwing it up something major, too. One day, 25 years from now, our kids will have spouses who look at them in disgust because who the hell raised this idiot who is completely oblivious to --- or who has no ability to --- or just has no ----. Maybe our kids can all go to group therapy together and talk about how we all managed to screw up their childhoods... Because we are, in our own special ways... But the mamas who love... The mamas who listen... The mamas who play... The mamas who show up... The mamas who give a shit... We're also doing some stuff right.
So every day try to be a little better than yesterday. Just stop trying to be better than your neighbor, and be the parent your kid NEEDS... Give them what they NEED to thrive, but it's your job as a parent to prioritize what they're needs are... And most importantly of all, always remember store-bought cupcakes don't make you a bad mom :) Even if they're not gluten free.
Maybe if you really loved your kids you'd stay home and take care of them. But, then again, you work out and your kids respect their toys. So, I guess that's better. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say there's no guarantee that your children will be "grounded, intelligent (glad to finally learn that's a product of "good" parenting), self-disciplined, self-motivated contributors to society. I'll even go one step forward and bet that the odds are against it - sounds like there's a pretty good chance they'll grow up to be miserable, judgmental assholes just like their mommy.
And, no, I'm not serious about the staying home thing - anymore than you should be about all of your ignorant judgements.
U said it all.lv this
Only the Sheppards, your comment just made my entire week. Thank you.
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