Moms, When Are You Going to Learn?

03 June 2013

not super mom

Look, I know the areas in life where I excel.  It unfortunately doesn’t involve me being a size two and wearing the most. stylish. boots. you ever did see.  I will not be doing a triathlon, I’ll be the one over there handing out water and cheering you on while eating a muffin.  My house isn’t ever company ready.  Just move that pile of Legos, I will make dinner.  I can make you laugh, I can make you think.  I am a great friend.  I am amazing in bed.  I like the woman that I have become.  I can also throw a party like you wouldn’t believe. 

My name is Michelle and I throw “Pinterest worthy” parties for my children.

I don’t think this makes me a shitty mom, a superior mom, or that I have too much time on my hands.  I assure you, I do not. 

I also don’t think it makes you a shitty mom for NOT throwing parties like that for your children’s birthdays, having a spotless house, and working full time.  I hope you’ll afford me the same kindness when I am braless in the drop off lane at school wearing pajamas and you look like you’ve had twelve hours of sleep, a blowout, and your makeup done before 9 am on a rainy Tuesday. 

No really… my hair isn’t this big usually, the rain… dear God, the rain.

We all have our own things, our gifts, and talents.  We all have our own priorities.  That they are different, doesn’t make them wrong.  We all are making the best of our collective situations, but it doesn’t mean we have to be assholes to each other. 

See that?  I swear too. 

We’ve all become so defensive and annoying about parenting. 

Do I make my single parent friends upset when I talk about an awful day that I’ve had when Dave is travelling for work and I don’t have a break?  Do they think parenting is a breeze when there are two of us here?  {Because it isn’t.  Not even a little bit.}  Does my friend Jen feel badly about showing off the hand sewn curtains and quilt she made for her sweet baby because I can’t sew for shit?  Does Danielle feel badly that she runs freaking marathons {with her feet!} and training takes time away from other things?  Does Kristina hesitate to Tweet that her kids are in bed by seven and she and her husband have some much needed alone time?  Does Lindsay feel awkward that she always looks gorgeous next to the other moms at school?  Does Emily pause before posting about finally, finally having her depression under control because she knows there are other moms still struggling?  Do you neglect to mention that you and your husband are going on a vacation alone and get to sleep in for a glorious week because your sister hasn’t been on a vacation in 5 years?  Does the mom from school buying Lunchables shove them under all of the other items in her cart when she sees you? 

Why are we even thinking about this shit? 

Really, why?

I have friends who feel badly about giving up breast feeding early, about breastfeeding too long, about not being able to cook, about not being the stylish mom, and about being the mom that wants a break from her kids.  I have friends who feel guilty about sending their child to daycare, about not having the money to send their kid to camp, about not being athletic enough to coach their child’s soccer team.  I have friends who worry about not having a house out of Martha Stewart Living.  I have friends who feel like the frumpy mom, the single mom, the working mom, the stay at home mom, the mom that wore the wrong thing, the disorganized mom, the helicopter mom, the type A mom, the young mom, the old mom, THAT mom. 

I have friends that worry that they are the only ones who aren’t Super Mom. 

No one is Super Mom.

Not you.  Or you.  Or even you.  Certainly not me.  We just have different priorities.   

My husband would argue that maybe shaving my legs and slapping on a little lipstick could take precedence over printing and organizing 350 school year photos for the kids in Finn’s class. 

But Davester, I’m NOT Super Mom! 

You want to be a crunchy organic vegan mama championing the fight against GMOs?  Do it.  You want to be the ballsy CEO of an empire so you can hire the best nanny money can buy?  Step right ahead.  You want to feed them takeout every night and spend that time playing with your kids?  Go for it.  You want to wear full makeup and heels on that field trip to the apple orchard?  More power to you sister.   You want to put those kids to bed at 7 pm every night and have some time to yourself?  Rock on.

Just be a good parent, love your kids, and do the best that you can.  Quit being a jackass to those who don’t share your choices. 

More importantly, quit being a jackass to yourselves. 

821 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   801 – 821 of 821
Mary Zanone said...

The only thing I can say is love them every chance you get. Then be prepared to live without them. They aren't as accessible to hug when they grow up. Keep an eye on what you will do when the bottom drops out of being Mommy. Dream of your future dreams.

Ivy B said...

You aren't kidding! I posted about competition (touching on judgement) recently myself here: http://ivysvariety.blogspot.com/2013/09/mommy-rule-9-competition.html. This is a real problem. Sure, I have my opinions, but my ultimate belief is that we have to accept that everyone will pay the price or reap the rewards for their decisions in raising their children. Judging other moms doesn't help.
You know where your opinions matter? When your friend is SEEKING advice or alternatives. Doesn't mean you know what's right, but you can at least explain what worked for you and it's up to them to determine if it works for them too.
Get off your high horses moms .... you are only an expert at YOUR CHILDREN.

Rabia Lieber said...

At first I thought you were going to cheer me on while *I* ate a muffin and I really wanted to be your friend. Then I re-read it and I still wanted to be your friend!! For the record, I make really cool birthday cakes for my kids' birthday parties, but I only clean the cat box one in a while and I rarely vacuum.

Anonymous said...

that's because women are HORRIBLE to other women, We are the ones responsible for making each other feel all these ways mentioned. But we can put a stop to it...

deedee said...

Exactement!

Anonymous said...

what a sad person you must be.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that's true. It's good to hear several points of view. I'm guessing since you started out by saying you didn't care for her post it sounded like an attack on the whole idea of the post, but the labeling doesn't help in any case.

Anonymous said...

I don't think she meant to offend moms who look nice at the drop-off with her post. It's hard to communicate the point of not making comparisons without first including a few comparisons.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE this! I was just ranting about this very thing last week. Not as eloquently, however. AWESOME!

t-bagger said...

No, parenting isn't easy. I have 2 kids of my own, but whenever I hear people making comments like the ones in this blog, I get a bit confused. Having kids isn't a requirement, nor is it a noble pursuit. In fact, it's probably one of the most selfish acts one can engage in during thier lifetime. Think about it. Try to figure out the reason you decided to have kids. You'll find it's nearly imposible to come up with a reason that doesn't begin with "I" or "We" (for example, "We wanted to have kids ever since we got married").

So, why do people act like they deserve respect simply because they decided (selfishly) to have kids?

msquetzal said...

Mr. Rogers once said something that goes like this: it doesn't even matter whether many of the decisions we make regarding our children are wrong or right. What matters is the our children experience our investing our time, hearts and. minds to the process that SHOWS they are important to us. And I would add, that they are as essential to our happiness as other stuff and our own self. That's the equation... we each figure out our own unique variables. And at times maybe it needs tweaking to maintain a balance. Fortunately for us women, we were made to be sensitive to relationships and the needs of many:)

Betsy said...

There is a reason this post is going viral! Totally needed that message and not only that, you were hilarious AND honest! Love it!!

Kuka said...

Hello Michelle

I answered your comment on "O Blog do Desassossego" but I am not sure if you will see it so I thought maybe just to leave it here. My comment was nothing related to you our your blog. I hope I didn't offend you. Maybe I misleaded you in any way but I actually said that I completely agree with what you wrote here. My comment was just a "thought" that had to come out loud because I was a little upset of reading some portuguese bloggers that "seem" (and I put it this way because when you read something in a blog obviously the people who read it can interpret things in ten thousand different ways like I did) to underestimate other mothers just because they don't share the same ideas as them.

Thank you very much.

All of the best

Anonymous said...

Well said !

Kelly said...

Love this!

Roshni said...

Amen!!!
Congrats on your VOTY award! I so agree that we should stop being jackasses! Period!!

Mis E said...

I'm glad there are people out there who think like me. And I'm usually the last person to judge anyone's parenting because we're all born different and came from different walks of life. Everything we've crossed, our experiences, people and things have shaped our perspective on how to do things right or caused us to avoid to do the wrong things in life. So if you want to argue and press your morals and priorities on to someone about how things should be, we can argue forever. Let's just give each other a break. And say, more power to you sister! We don't have to prove ourselves to anyone, but at least our children are healthy and loved and we've done the best that we know how. As stated above, "We'll always be 'super-hero' moms to our children"

Mis E said...

I'm glad there are people out there who think like me. And I'm usually the last person to judge anyone's parenting because we're all born different and came from different walks of life. Everything we've crossed, our experiences, people and things have shaped our perspective on how to do things right or caused us to avoid to do the wrong things in life. So if you want to argue and press your morals and priorities on to someone about how things should be, we can argue forever. Let's just give each other a break. And say, more power to you sister! We don't have to prove ourselves to anyone. As someone stated above, "We will always be 'super-hero' moms to our children" and in their eyes is all that matters to me.

Lucy Mills said...

Love this. Be who you are. Don't be afraid of yourself and don't make others feel bad for being who they are!

Anonymous said...

Stumbled across this again and love it as much as the first time I read it. Thanks for the reminder that we all have out own path to follow.

Anonymous said...

Amen! Keep blogging!!

«Oldest ‹Older   801 – 821 of 821   Newer› Newest»

Post a Comment

Thanks so much for taking the time to add your thoughts! Comments on older posts are moderated, so if they don't get published immediately, don't despair.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
*