Look, I know the areas in life where I excel. It unfortunately doesn’t involve me being a size two and wearing the most. stylish. boots. you ever did see. I will not be doing a triathlon, I’ll be the one over there handing out water and cheering you on while eating a muffin. My house isn’t ever company ready. Just move that pile of Legos, I will make dinner. I can make you laugh, I can make you think. I am a great friend. I am amazing in bed. I like the woman that I have become. I can also throw a party like you wouldn’t believe.
My name is Michelle and I throw “Pinterest worthy” parties for my children.
I don’t think this makes me a shitty mom, a superior mom, or that I have too much time on my hands. I assure you, I do not.
I also don’t think it makes you a shitty mom for NOT throwing parties like that for your children’s birthdays, having a spotless house, and working full time. I hope you’ll afford me the same kindness when I am braless in the drop off lane at school wearing pajamas and you look like you’ve had twelve hours of sleep, a blowout, and your makeup done before 9 am on a rainy Tuesday.
No really… my hair isn’t this big usually, the rain… dear God, the rain.
We all have our own things, our gifts, and talents. We all have our own priorities. That they are different, doesn’t make them wrong. We all are making the best of our collective situations, but it doesn’t mean we have to be assholes to each other.
See that? I swear too.
We’ve all become so defensive and annoying about parenting.
Do I make my single parent friends upset when I talk about an awful day that I’ve had when Dave is travelling for work and I don’t have a break? Do they think parenting is a breeze when there are two of us here? {Because it isn’t. Not even a little bit.} Does my friend Jen feel badly about showing off the hand sewn curtains and quilt she made for her sweet baby because I can’t sew for shit? Does Danielle feel badly that she runs freaking marathons {with her feet!} and training takes time away from other things? Does Kristina hesitate to Tweet that her kids are in bed by seven and she and her husband have some much needed alone time? Does Lindsay feel awkward that she always looks gorgeous next to the other moms at school? Does Emily pause before posting about finally, finally having her depression under control because she knows there are other moms still struggling? Do you neglect to mention that you and your husband are going on a vacation alone and get to sleep in for a glorious week because your sister hasn’t been on a vacation in 5 years? Does the mom from school buying Lunchables shove them under all of the other items in her cart when she sees you?
Why are we even thinking about this shit?
Really, why?
I have friends who feel badly about giving up breast feeding early, about breastfeeding too long, about not being able to cook, about not being the stylish mom, and about being the mom that wants a break from her kids. I have friends who feel guilty about sending their child to daycare, about not having the money to send their kid to camp, about not being athletic enough to coach their child’s soccer team. I have friends who worry about not having a house out of Martha Stewart Living. I have friends who feel like the frumpy mom, the single mom, the working mom, the stay at home mom, the mom that wore the wrong thing, the disorganized mom, the helicopter mom, the type A mom, the young mom, the old mom, THAT mom.
I have friends that worry that they are the only ones who aren’t Super Mom.
No one is Super Mom.
Not you. Or you. Or even you. Certainly not me. We just have different priorities.
My husband would argue that maybe shaving my legs and slapping on a little lipstick could take precedence over printing and organizing 350 school year photos for the kids in Finn’s class.
But Davester, I’m NOT Super Mom!
You want to be a crunchy organic vegan mama championing the fight against GMOs? Do it. You want to be the ballsy CEO of an empire so you can hire the best nanny money can buy? Step right ahead. You want to feed them takeout every night and spend that time playing with your kids? Go for it. You want to wear full makeup and heels on that field trip to the apple orchard? More power to you sister. You want to put those kids to bed at 7 pm every night and have some time to yourself? Rock on.
Just be a good parent, love your kids, and do the best that you can. Quit being a jackass to those who don’t share your choices.
More importantly, quit being a jackass to yourselves.
814 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 400 of 814 Newer› Newest»Rebekah, I do think I understand what you are saying, and perhaps a merging of your post and this main post could be perfect. I think we SHOULD try to be our best, and try to do our best for our children. It really is not ok to be consistently lazy or unhealthy. But we shouldn't be so hard on others or ourselves when they and we are not always perfect.
Step up and take a bow!
"Just be a good parent, love your kids, and do the best that you can. Quit being a jackass to those who don’t share your choices."
Ironically, this whole post is about being jackass to those who don't share the author's choices. How hypocritical!!
Thia poar ia so real, so human... so important to say and to hear. Brava!
nice post...it would have been nice if that last part also included those who choose not to have kids. Because really we do need to all stop being jackasses because of the choices we make.
& I don't know you but I love you and the fact that you posted this! Thank you & AMEN SISTER!!!
Well said Sister!!! Thanks for posting this; I needed to hear this today!:-) I'm any combination (on any given day) of 4-5 different types of the 'Mom's' you have listed above. I'm a Single-Full Time Working-Helicopter-Out Of Shape-Mom who is just glad to know I'm not alone in my struggles!!!
Love this - so well said!
Thank you! Your blog was what I needed to read at just the right time. God bless you!
Thank you so much for this! I am the frumpy mom, who runs half marathons. I am the mom who cleans other peoples homes for a living so that I can bring my kids with me and spend more time with them while coming home to a messy house. I wear my hair up in a ponytail more that all the lovely high heels I have in my closet, and I am the mom who loves the choices she has made to help her kids be the wonderful people they are becoming. Thank you for reminding me that I don't need to be Martha Stewart to be my kids perfect mom.
Thank you so much for this. I work, go to school full-time, garden, can my own food, and do my utmost best to serve really healthy, home-cooked meals to my family 90% of the time.
My house is a disaster. My kid watches more TV than I am comfortable with. And I live in jeans and T-shirts. OK, I did that before I had a kid.
My priorities are different than Rebekah's. I stay up late to do homework so I don't have to waste my quality time with my kid with my nose in a book. Our house is littered with books and crayons and legos and building blocks and all sorts of things to spark my child's imagination. We work hard on putting things back, but she's 2 and tends to forget why we were putting things away about half-way through the attempt.
I worry constantly about whether I am doing all this right. But, my beautiful child hugs little kids who are crying in the church nursery and brings them a toy to cheer them up. She smiles at everyone she sees and laughs easily. She rarely throws tantrums in public (she saves those for home) and I always hear what a delightful child she is and how much everyone adores her.
So... letting her watch My Little Ponies while I try to cook without her underfoot and letting her pull every single book off the shelf at the same time isn't creating a serial killer so far.
Thank you so much. I loved this! Now, how do I quit being an asshole to myself, because it's a constant struggle.
Such a great post! One that EVERY parent should read!! Thanks for writing this.
Well said!
Rebekah, you started out by talking about how perfect your life is. People are telling you that you missed the point because you are portraying the idea that if other moms don't do as you do, they are doing wrong. The entire idea behind the post is to stop judging other mothers because you don't agree with their parenting. Based on the little bit you described of your life, I could easily label you as a dictator, you have too much structure and you need to let your kids play more. This probably isn't the case but the rest of us don't know your life, just like we don't know ANYONE'S life! That is the point! Quit thinking about parenting so ethnocentricly, get off your high horse, and accept that there are other parents who are raising perfect, healthy, functioning members of society in a very different way than you.
OMG....LOVE IT!!!
Well said! YES.
You sound like someone who feels like she has an awful lot to prove. Guess what, the rest of us don't need you to pontificate to us about what are the right or wrong or scientific or whatever choices. We are adults, we are parents and we can make our own decisions. I expect when your kids are a bit older, with your control-freak approach to parenting, you are going to be in for a very rude awakening to the fact that you do not, after all, know everything.
Brilliant!
This is one of the most beautiful things I've read about parenting. We are often so hard on others because of our insecurities about our own choices. Accept yourself as you are, accept others as they are. If you can put your head on your pillow each night and know that your kids feel loved, it's a good day.
wow is all I have to say this was great and eye opening it applies to all and is real life of women!
I'm laughing and crying as I read this! Amazing, poignant, and oh so true!!!!
I think for most moms it is ALWAYS about them. Which is why we often feel like we're failing. That if we don't do everything perfect we are going to somehow irrevocably screw up our kids. The point is that we do the best we can and not worry about all the things we are imperfect at. Let's face it we're humans and can never be perfect. Our kids will never turn out to be perfect, no what we do, they're human too. So we need to cut ourselves some slack, cut our kids some slack and cut other people some slack. We're all trying to figure this out so why not be on the same team, build each other up. Celebrate our successes, try to improve our failures and help each other when we fall short rather than pointing out those failings. If we do our best our kids will turn out okay because really, we do our best for them. And by best I mean we love them we make them happy when we can and we help them stretch and grow while they do the same for us. Hopefully in the end we'll all end up good people.
And Dads too!!!!!! I am a vet with PTSD who stays at home with our toddler while my wife works ft and goes to school FT and I feel like a ffaaiiilluurreee all the time. I am not offended this was directed to mommies because I totally agree and appreciate the message. Maybe I'll even try some high heels and a blow out(?)
I agree, except for the comment about making single moms upset when talking about how hard it is when her husband travels...I think this is ignorant- maybe it's worth imagining your the father of your children never coming home and never coming to get the kids. Not one. more. time. Not for one. single. moment. ever. Not to mention the emotional state of your children. Does she know that children who have suffered loss also suffer from severe anxiety & don't "just do" things that your average kid finds easy? Sorry, she just struck a sensitive cord w/ me! Yes, I do think there are some cases where you need to consider your audience when complaining about the difficulty of your life. Telling a single parent that parenting with two parents is difficult is like a bird with two wings telling a bird who has one wing- that it is difficult to fly.
You are such an inspiration and I think I have a Mom crush on you now :)
Dwayne, dads too. Someone get this guy a pair of heels!
I love this! My friend and I were just talking about this very subject! Why we put ourselves through all the misery trying to be "the best mom" No matter what anyone appears to be no one is super mom..even those that look the part. Just being the best you can is good enough...I am going to try to stop thinking about what other people might be thinking about me and just do my best. Wish me luck :)
Classic! Thanks for your thoughts!
Love your honesty! Thanks for taking time to put it all down!
That is soooo me.... There have also been times that I've picked up my kids from school the same way..... haha lmao
Great, I'm glad you are able to do all of that. As above said, you may have missed the nuance of this post.
I do not believe being a martyr for my children and I don't subscribe to the perfection level. I strive to feel less guilty about not reaching your level of awesome..
I do lots of things very well. I do not, cannot (correction: will not) do everything to your level. I bet though, I am as happy as you are in rigid perfection you place your value in as I do in my perfectly imperfectness.
I'm not being sarcastic, I'm being real. This post didn't speak to you ... cool. It made my week.
I want to buy you a beer. Love this!!!!
Very well said. I think you would fit in with my friends and I. We love and support each other but are all very different. There is so much pressure to be perfect with perfect kids and it is nice to know you have people who accept you and are there for you no matter what.
I like that you swear in this article. Any momma that says she doesn't can bite me! I'm weirded out that our reading mamas don't already know they're awesome. And Pinterest is awesome ... what? Ultimate filter, yo'! Where else was I gonna find a bullet-proof tested natural teething toy made from bread, peanut butter, and honey. Talk to yo sisters. They got knowledge. And so does this chick. And yeah, so does Pinterest/
Great post.
Too bad we have people who are hell-bent on keeping us feeling guilty for not being what they see as the "best" way to do one of the most important jobs in our lives.
I get the distinct feeling that this very post is so threatening to keep the status-quo in the mommy-war.
My take-away... when I went to the dictionary to look up defintion of Perfect Parent, there wasn't one, which makes total sense since there's no such thing in the real world either!
Mind=Blown!
Love the post....just need to find some inner strength knowing my husband hates me. :(
Right Fukking on! Yeah, I'm a swearing mom. And an awesome fun educational mom. Maybe the kids parties are not pinterest worthy but definitely a cool themed party mom. Not a make-up wearing mom. Definitely not a size 2 mom.
You ARE a guiding mom. To your kids and to your sisters. Thank you!
exactly.
Really? .. is that all you got?
I am so SURPRISED ( NOT ) that are so many anonymous posts!! You THINK just like me!! And I let everybody know!! I am the MOM they Talk about!! LOL... At least I am Honest!!
Great post! I have said it time and time again that we should build each other up, not try and tear each other down. Why the hell would anyone expect that everyone must do things the way they do?
It's not necessary to put others down to boost oneself up... really, it's not.
Word.
Well said! From a former stay at home mom and now a single mom! Be who you are and NOT what others THINK you should be. Ya..I've taken a lot of heat for that statement but ask me if I care! :-) Great post!
Loved this! Much needed! I feel lime I can never keep up! As a full-time teacher, student, PTA president, and mom of three, people always ask me how I do it. WELL, I live on coffee & energy drinks, rarely make a real meal, my house is a mess, I don't sleep, I feel like I am always forgetting something (because I am half the time), everything is last-minute, we are ALWAYS running late, I constantly feel behind, stressed, and exhausted! I could go on and on! As for baking, sewing, working out, having pinterest worthy anything....HA! My kids are lucky to have a hair cut, clean matching socks, and something besides frozen pizzas for dinner.
I found you through a "Share" on fb. I am a Grandma and I just loved this!!! I couldn't have said it better myself. And you're using my favorite word!! LOL You give'er girl!
Ellie
You are right; Right On!
I'm a dude, a father and a husband. In my eyes you're all pretty freakin super!!
Thank you for this. It's a great post that every mom should read!
Right ON!!!! You said it perfectly! Love who you are and accept that you are exactly as you are meant to be. But most of all BE A GOOD PARENT!
Amen! Perfectly said! Thank you!!
CreativeJuicez Hit the nail on the head!! Yet, even where I live, (Holland, I'm Dutch) mothers compare and judge.... I do too. I'm not the mother who quit her job because she felt her son needed the extra care and attention, and still wears beautiful expensive (to me) clothes. My bike is rusty and falling apart and I don't have a job because there's no work in my area of expertise at the moment. My house is not clean enough, my rabbits shit on an enormous pile of poo, I don't play games with the kids often and I waste too much time on the computer.
But.... I changed the course of my "career" so I could go back to school to find a job that allows me to be home more often (even though I'm home permanently at the mo, I'm hoping things will pick up soon). I spend hours looking for the perfect affordable gift for my sons birthday. I go out of my way to get my children something nice and I help them find their talents and praise them for their progressions. I yell at them, I cuddle them, I tell them off and I tell them I love them.
Everything else I do is not important to others, nor is my motivation for my choices. (though I'm always tempted to give it)
All I hope they'll say when they're grown up is: "I know you did the best you could and I love you for it." and that they'll still be my friends.
I feel guilty for everything I do too. Towards others who can't and towards my children. Thank you for reminding me that I am me and my situation is mine and not someone elses!
The point your missing (still) is that you don't have the right to purport your propganda on other moms, Rebekah, just because your life works for you. I keep a pretty immaculate home, only feed my family organic, non -gmo, locally sourced food, we have plenty of money and a fantastic marriage. But so what?? I want to judge you (pretty desperately, actually) for working full time, for putting your career ahead of your kids, point out that your house is clean because you're never there, etc, etc. But if I did lay all that out there for you, ehat good would I being doing? How would that serve you, or me, or our families? It wouldn't. It would make me an asshole. *That's * the point you're missing.
God bless u u sweet sweet woman .. u said it the truth.. u covered it all.. I wish we were friends.. u r the best .... u r a real lover to all no matter what... iv been doing the best at loving people no matter how they judge me.. it hurts when it comes from fam the most.. I struggle with bitterness.. but my view is the same as yours.. and I push to live by it..
this women was simply covering all areas where people judge. she is saying love ur kids make sure that ur husband and children know ur love and don't be judgmental of any mother that does anything different from u.. we all r different..this women has left me with my arms wide open..God bless her and her loving heart.. wish we were friends .. :)much love here
oh and another thing I can appreciate a mom that looks beautiful I love fashion and idress my whole family ... I love to dress nice get hair and nails done and go drink with the girls..but but I work keep my house clean sometimes ..... I love life and all the different walks that people come from.. I love people no matter what and people love me bc im kind to all .. iv been a size 5 as big as a size 16.. I remain the same inside always cool with everyone.. mommas we all have brokenness in us.. suffer threw it and don't be judgmental to other bc of ur own brokenness.. that one u judg.. u have not walk in there shoes u don't know there story.
Wow...sweetheart you obviously missed the message behind this post! Also, noting the complete lack of empathy in your post for others lifestyles who don't fit in to your perfect little mold says it all...
This is fantastic and so freaking true!
I do know. I was raised by a single mom who did the vast majority of parenting in her own and spent summers with my dad who lived in California for 5 years of my childhood.
I know how hard single parenthood is, but because there are two of us in our house doesn't make it easy either. Parenthood is hard no matter your situation, that was my point.
I do know. I was raised by a single mom who did the vast majority of parenting in her own and spent summers with my dad who lived in California for 5 years of my childhood.
I know how hard single parenthood is, but because there are two of us in our house doesn't make it easy either. Parenthood is hard no matter your situation, that was my point.
Awesome.
I'm not a Super Mom... Indeed, I am not a Super Dad. But I AM a Dad and this post means more than I can begin to convey with paltry words. Thanks.
Did we just become best friends? lol. Rock on, unsuper mom.
As the mom of a mom probably about your age and certainly in your situation - you are doing a great job.
We women can be so catty and judgemental. We just need to learn to hold on to one another.
Two of my 4 kids are now married with kids of their own.
Give them love and memories, NO ONE remembers if the house was dusted.
Love this! Perfect!
Love this post!! Thank you for being real!
Thank You for writing this.
Lol love it!!
THANK YOU! My kids are older, but I have spent the good part of 23 years beating myself up for not be a "better mom." Finally getting to the point of figuring out that the fact that my kids are happy and loving adults and teenagers is what makes me a good mom. The fact that they are well adjusted, hard workers and have a good head on their shoulders, that is what is important.
It has nothing to do with whether I am on some school committee or if my house could be featured in Better Homes and Gardens. (Not by a long shot)
The only person who can make you feel bad is you. Do what's important to you and celebrate the success of others. Listen to other parents but decide for yourself what is best for your WHOLE family and move confidently in that direction. That being said I'm envious of people with clean homes.
But that's just the point, don't judge other moms by thinking they don't give two shits about their kids! That's your perception about them from your side of the street, I'm sure they have issues they are dealing with too. Ease up a little.
Some have it easier than others. That does play a part. Children with special needs, the mom who has to work 50 hours a week and go to school to better her family, etc. At the end of the day what matters is the I love you's and the snuggles.
So that's her point. You didn't get it. How do u know they don't give two shits about their kids? Don't judge. Ease up a little.
Beautiful post! Let's all cut each other - and ourselves - just a little bit of slack.
Very well said. After raising my children, I am now doing it all over again with my grandson. It had been 23 yrs. I was feeling really crappy about myself. This made me feel much better this morning and I smiled not just to myself, but for myself. Thanks.
Thanks for permission and inspiration as I transition to officially being a single mom. It's been a miserable time (mostly emotional for me - as my husband checked out of the marriage years ago for "online beauties" who made no demands on him except the cash that was supposed to pay our house payment - ouch - that sounds a little bitter huh? It's still stinging a lot. Need to keep that in check for daughter.)- but being reminded to simply do as best I can for what feels right for my daughter and I means a lot as I battle the "worry monster".
I am theoretically old enough to be a grandma (although I started late, so DON'T want my kids making babies yet!) and it took me a whole lot of years to come to the level of wisdom that you have clearly already mastered. DON'T. CHANGE. A. THING. You rock!!!
Good for you to write this. I wish every new mom especially the young ones could see this. They need th
Most support.
I do believe you are the asshole that this post is referring to. You are also incorrect. Obamacare will not penalize people for unhealthy living. All the plans that did reward good choices and penalize bad choices have been un-allowed under the new laws. The only 'bad choice' that can be used is tobacco, and that is being limited to only 1.5 times rate up. This can be avoided by simply 'trying' to be in a wellness program signed off by a doctor. No goals have to be met, just 1 try and you avoid the penalty. So not only are you an ass for your post, but you are also the woman who says shit without any real knowledge in the subject. No worries though, I am sure your self righteousness will carry you past any criticisms spoken here.
Awesome post!
Awesome post! I think we have all felt overwhelmed and like we do not add up to the next mom or family at least once in our life!
As mom of two adult children, I recommend this great advice. Relax and be what God made you to be.
Thank you.
I.FREAKIN.LOVE.THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Absolutely the BEST post for Mom's EVER! Thank you for sharing. It's everything to need to tell myself. I get looked down on for being a stay at home mom, and then others tell me they are jealous because we can afford it. We struggle, we don't get to take the amazing vacations or buy our kids the best clothes, but they are loved and have what they need . . . and to me, that is all that matters.
I know we do not know one another but I LOVE YOU and thank you for writing this beautiful blog post. You are my hero!
The bad thing about being a supermom is you cease to exist - people think you have it all under control therefore, you don't need anything. We are all human and all humans need something at some point or another. Don't aim to be a supermom just be the best mom you can be under your own specific circumstances.
Best thing I've ever read! Way to go, Momma!!!! <3
I am not the best mom but definatly not the worst mom. I always put my daughter first and she loves me! That is all that matters. I work full time as does my husband. I could not do what I do with out the rest of my huge family but she is very well taken care of. You do not have to be super mom when you have wonderful people to help you. It takes 2 people to make a baby but a army to raise one!
thankyouthankyouthankyou!
I loved this and it made my day! But, wow... Rebekah is exactly the type of judgemental, obnoxious mom this article is saying to steer clear of becoming. I really wish she hadn't tainted it with her comments. Also the coward who didn't have the nerve to use her name ("Right... so now women that have a little self-respect are the bad ones? And the lazy are rewarded as heroic? Fuck off.") The article specifically says that no matter what kind of mom you are, you're fine. How this woman came to the conclusion that moms who get dressed up are bad baffles me. Sounds like she is the one who is judging herself for it and projecting onto others. Thank you Michelle for this amazing post. It reminds us all that we can be good moms without meeting some list of criteria. And for the record, I show up at school most days in sweatpants or whatever is quick. I can assure you it isn't because I'm lazy. It's because I'm not going to get dressed up only to come home and bust my ass cleaning showers and doing laundry. Seriously, the moms who posted nasty comments on here need to take a long hard look in the mirror.
I'm an old-timer now lol (both sons are teens), so I can offer this bit of happy truth. The more independent your children become, leaving the baby and elementary school years behind, the less anyone cares what you've done or are doing. The competitiveness dies way down. Whether you breastfed or not is so incredibly irrelevant you won't believe it. You also have the pleasure of finding out those times you bucked the system and went with your heart were actually wise choices, and you're happy with them. So, don't wait for the time to pass. It's excellent advice to stop worrying about other people right now.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I absolutely love every little bit of this post. It's so great that it's not just about making "braless, no lipstick" moms feel better about themselves (although, I'll take that too lol), but it's making the moms that can achieve all those amazing things feel like they can flaunt their talents and multitasking skills as well, and not have to "feel bad" about it. Thank you. Sharing on my blog, because I was just today beating myself up about not keeping up with blogging about my kids. Definitely will be back for more!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I came across this post while perusing FB and having my morning coffee.
I could not have read this at a better time!
I was nearly in tears this morning because when my husband left to take the kids to school, I realized I sent my daughter with bed head. In my haste to make sure everyone was fed, homework was checked, permission slips signed, teeth brushed, I completely forgot to comb and style her hair.
I called my husband in a panic, while at the same time throwing on a bra and sneakers to drive to school and fix her hair. He calmly told me, "Joan, chill out. Her hair will be a mess by lunch regardless. It's okay."
I reluctantly agreed and sat down at the computer, still planning on making the drive just to comb Lola's hair.
Your post was the first thing I read on FB.
It was a gift. Exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you. Thank you!!!
I love this post. You rule.
I've just found your blog (and am damn glad I did), and this post resonated with me so strongly, I published my own blog post about it.
JUST YESTERDAY MORNING (the first day of school), I was about to upload photos of the school bus pancakes I'd made for my daughters, but I second-guessed it, thinking, "Facebook will think I'm trying to show off." Or that I'm one-upping them. Or, I don't know, SOMETHING negative. So I didn't post the pictures.
But I was also ashamed to let friends know that I botched the time for my daughter's meet-the-teacher day, so we were the very last ones there. AND I'm the room parent. Bet her teacher is super psyched.
I've also (and yes, my name actually IS Emily) hesitated from posting about how I *have* gotten my depression under control, because I didn't want to sound like I was boasting when others are still struggling.
So... priorities. You hit the nail SO squarely on the head. The tooth fairy doesn't just leave money at our house... she also leaves letters (on tooth fair paper) specifically addressed to each kid. Our Elf on the Shelf gets into zany adventures, and they're all documented with photos. It is almost always a good time to make a fondant-covered cake. Important events get remembered through elaborate iMovies. Whole class, end-of-the-year teacher gifts make the teachers cry, because they've been thought-out and carefully put together.
I do these things, and I LOVE them.
But my house is never never EVER "company ready." I am late more often than I'm on time. Everything I own has a stain on it. I swear like a pirate (but not around my kids... yet). I've accidentally sent my kids to school in pjs when it wasn't pajama day. I lose my keys at least once a day.
I hesitated to mention these things because I didn't want others judging me. But the thing is... *I* was judging me more harshly than anyone else. Both sides of this coin are a part of who I am, and they hurt NO ONE (but me), and even if they do, I'M the one who has to deal with it and clean up the mess (often literally). So I need -- like, NEED -- to stop worrying so much and stop being a jackass to myself.
My father-in-law passed away last week, and our lives have been thrown upside down, and I'm HAVING to allow myself some grace and leeway, which is very, very hard for me. I could not have read your post at a better time, and I am incredibly grateful to you for it.
My blog "readership" (haha) is exceedingly small -- friends and family only, pretty much -- so I doubt that linking to your post it will drive traffic to your site... but I hope I've at least done it justice.
Thanks.
Thank you for this read!!
LOVED this!! You may not be a super mom, but you are pretty super in my books :)
Hear. Hear. I would like to share this blog with the members of our organization, the National Association of Mothers' Centers. This blog sums up our credo.
Thank you for sharing!
Absolutely to the POINT....love it! Funny as a single Mom now (not my choice) but what choice is there....take it on I worry 100x less about all this crap cause I just CAN'T do it all and yes we have grilled cheese more than our share but I love my kids and we have a relationship I'm proud of....thanks for opening eyes and reminding us all to just be who we are and be ok with it...we truly are our own worst enemies.!
THANK YOU for writing this! I'm always feeling guilty about something I did or didn't do when really I have a great family, a happy kid and good job. Can't ask for more. Thanks for putting things in perspective. Love it!
Thank you! I need to hear that every now and then!
Well put. Thank you.
Soooo very true. I wrote something similar to this yesterday because I get so frustrated with people always trying to label us. Why do you have to be the "PTO mom" or the "working mom?" You can be both dammit! lol
Love it! I am the mom who makes the amazing lunches and healthy treats. I don't do birthday parties. I haven't thrown a party (pinterest worthy or otherwise) for my kids, ever. And I have never once felt bad about it. I do occasionally rage against birthday parties, but ONLY because of the moms who are like "oh, I HAVE to do X, Y, and Z, and it's so annoying/expensive/time consuming." And I'm like "um, no, you don't HAVE to do anything." If you're good at it and you love it, please, by all means. But I am not that mom. And I own it. And my kids don't seem to mind in the least.
Great post, I'm going to link to it on my blog today!
*mic drop*
Rock on, sister.
Fuck yes. It took me a while to realize that I don't need to be perfect at everything, just one thing - loving the shit out of my kids.
Thanks for sharing!
A-freaking-men!
I loved this!!!! I have 4 daughters aged, 19 to 10. Unfortunately, I've discovered that teenagers love to throw your "non-supermom" past in your face, because they can only remember that "other moms were supermoms" to their kids!!! My youngest is still at the "mom, you're the best mom on the planet!" stage. But, at what point do they realize, you're a great mom because you loved them with all your heart, all of the time, everyday and did the absolute best you could at that time with what you had available? Yes, I would really like it if they appreciated their MOM! Yes, I do feel a little better now ;O)
Well said...thank you!
how do u all feel about babies after 40 when your first is 6 now?
Amazing post!!! So glad I found your little space!!
t @ Happy Soul Project...
Love it! Thanks for saying it out loud!
As my friend and I say "Let your freak flag fly!!!"
What a fantastic perspective! So true and definitely needed! I will save this and look at it every time I start to pine over another mom's life!
omg i love you! :)
Awesome Post! Well put, my dear!
"More importantly, quit being a jackass to yourselves."
Sorry, I have to.
. . . quit being jackasses to yourselves.
or
. . . quit being a jackass to yourself.
Aside from my assholishness about the grammar, I loved your blog post.
Very well-written post. Can you extend these open arms to those who have chosen to not have children at all? Cause i think we need a little bit of that love, too.
HOW DO I FOLLOW YOU?
JMH - The kindness doesn't stop at kids believe me.
Where do you live? can we be friends? I am sitting here bra less right now after driving my kids to school lol!!!! Thanks for you insight! You rock! And I am a lot like you. Only I dont swear LOL!!! J/K I effing do!
Phew now life is normal. Reading this made me feel lifted and like a huge weight of trying to be the best is off my shoulders. Thanks mom you and as well as us all who are true parents taking care of child(ren) are the best.
WOW!!! Well said sista!!!!! :)
I am an older mom and this is totally me! It is well worth it to take the back seat to your kids---trust me. My sons are good, hard working adults.
I'm going to print this and keep it in my wallet!
THANK YOU for writing what so many of us forget.
Love, love, love. Thank you for the giggle!
Hahaha Great post. :) Good enough to want to comment, which takes time and thought...I think you said everything I want to say....except that people probably shouldn't ....oh wait, no, just kidding. :) Now, if only my blog were as good as that lady's over there....:)
WOW You seem like a supermom to me. You atleast have one or two superpowers! Thank you so much for this post. I <3 it. I worry over everything and I mean even where people stand when they come in the front door before they remove their shoes... You have the gift of expression. This post was beautiful and then some. It made me rethink things and I greatly thank you for your advice. I will be one mom who will not forget what you have wrote here. Have a great day !
Thanks. I have read many blogs with similar subject matter. Yours made me cry. And I am a pretty sarcastic, tough, doesn't take myself too seriously, mom. Thank you for this.
This was sooooo what I needed to hear today! Thank you for this.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! Thank you so much for posting!
so so wonderfully true!!!Thank you for writing this!
I love it. I am always feeling down on myself because I'm so disorganized and can't ever remember anything, I'm always late to pick up my kids, and my house is usually a hovel. But I do run half marathons (well, I'm running my first in 2 weeks, go me!) LOL and I dress cute... sometimes. Although I wore workout clothes to the grocery store today, so sue me! LOL. Oh and I will NEVER throw a Pinterest-worth birthday party. But I admire those who do. Your post is right on. We all have things we excel at and things we suck at. Own it and move on, lol. xo
I just reread this and since I never commented the first time around, I figured I would this time :) It's so so so right on. I try so freakin' hard not to judge but when I find myself judging, I find that it's almost always because I'm feeling insecure about the way I parent. I feel bad about being the one that would LOVE a little break from my kiddos and to make myself feel better, like a good mom, making good decisions, I judge the people that make different decisions. I work really hard to recognize these times and tell myself that I don't really give a shit about how other people raise their kids. Because unless they're really terrible awful parents that don't feed their kids or hit them or leave them alone in a hot car in the summertime, I realize we're all doing the very very best we can.
So your last line really hit home. If we can stop being jackasses to ourselves....maybe that's the place to start changing how we treat other moms.
Thank you SO much for this! I really needed this today as I have been feeling like THAT mom a lot recently. You are amazing and I thank you for putting life as a mom back into perspective for me :-)
Sometimes we don't get to have what we really want but have to learn to love what we have (i.e. some people have to work to provide stability for their families, emotional and financial). I wish people would stop assuming that I don't stay home with my son because I want something else.
I adore sarcasm and honesty. The argumentative comments are HILARIOUS. Seriously, if you didn't get the loving and accepting message in this post, I hope you fall off the planet. It's called HUMOR, save the PSA for another time!!
In my small town, most of the SAHD are home BC they are too lazy to work. But my husband stays at home to raise our awesome baby girl! Hooray for the fantastic SAHD!!!! God bless you, for you are TRULY REAL MEN!
Rock on, Sista...thank you. Great article and I will pass it on. I think the most important thing I took from this was to stop being a jackass to myself. Better than any therapist..that's for sure.
This.
"We all have our own things, our gifts, and talents. We all have our own priorities. That they are different, doesn’t make them wrong. We all are making the best of our collective situations, but it doesn’t mean we have to be assholes to each other. " ... or to ourselves.
Wow. I find it amazing that you are able to judge another person's ability in bed based on a blog post and have done exactly what she's talking about. It's incredibly disrespectful to feel that you have the right to talk to anyone this way. You don't have to agree with heryou post, but I do believe that if you're focused more on what you look like dropping your kids off than the modeling appropriate ways of interacting with others you may want to spend some time in self relfection. And the post I read didn't say anything negative about moms who do get dressed in the morning or anything else that she doesn't do. I believe it commended them and simply stated that we need to stop judging each other for having different priorities. There is not a single one of us, myself and you included, that is a perfect parent and able to do it all. Maybe if we spent some time sharing our talents with eachotherinstead of putting eachother down for our shortcomings all of our children could benefit. I love sharing my homemade freezer dinners with the mom down the street who gets home late and doesnt make dinner, but also takes my daughter to school in the morning when I can't so I don't have to put my 5 year old on the bus. And I couldnt care less what she's wearing when she does it.
Its so hard for all of you and especially woman! I am so glade that i am in love with my career in this point of my life (guy makeup artist) and dont want any kids! You guys Rock!
I love this! Thank you for sharing!!!
Enjoyed each day and every moment with my daughter this summer as her last summer as a preschooler up to now. Now that Kindergarten starting today will be super busy with fun days and a whole lot more from now on!
Just holding on to each moment to hold them in my heart as precious moments and memories... :)
Amen sister!! Love this!! Thank you!!!
thank you thank you thank you!
I love this post! I've been through beating myself up to acceptance... to minor bouts of beating myself up and back to acceptance. You have a great outlook on being a mom and I applaud you. Can we hang out?
ty!!! well said!!! needed!!!
Loving this! You go girl!
This article brought tears to my eyes this morning when I read it. True, to the point and thank you. As a new working mom of a 4 month old I question myself everyday if I am making the right decisions for my daughter. THANK YOU
thank you, thank you thank you thank you!
love,
the full-time-working-mother-of-three-who-sometimes-yells-too-much-AT-her-kids-and-husband-about-dumb-stuff-because-she-is-tired.
but she still loves them to death.
amen.
My goodness, the best mommy post I have EVER read!!! Thank you so so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear. You're brilliant!
I love this article because I have had to, for many years, indirectly fight artificial super-moms. Many of them act like that because they are insecure and don't want anyone to know their faults, etc. It's really a cover-up. We must be gentle to those women too because many times it's a survival mechanism. We don't know where they have been (past, present, now). However, there are many good super-moms out there because they are the real super-moms: the ones that are totally 100% authentic themselves!
I encourage women of all kinds, from all places and situations, that whatever they choose~IT'S OK~!!! As long as it is beneficial to them, their children, and whoever else they choose to help, etc. And by being beneficial to whoever you, family, they, them, us, we) you have to be true to yourself. Do not try to pretend anything. Let your strengths shine. Don't focus on your weakness, face them. We all need to grow~IT'S OK!
Ladies out there~IT'S OK TO BE YOU, even if you are hurting inside, or stuck in an unpleasant circumstance, etc. As long as you are a good you! Don't compromise or degrade yourselves. Forgive yourselves right now for whatever it may be. Forgive others.
One step at a time. The purposely fake super-moms don't really have it all together, and if they do, then that is ok too! One of my mantras is that I listen to my children first and then everyone else! And let me tell you that it really works, and IT'S OK!!!
So hugs to you all the beautiful, the fun, the friendly, the confused, the sad, the young, the old, the experienced, the experiencing-ers, the alone, the isolated, the socializer, etc. You all have what it takes. Many times, it takes time, and that IS OK!
I have a 3 month old, and that is an amazing idea. I might just do it.
I am "Nana" to 3 grandchildren - 2 girls, 1 boy. I am also "Mom" to 3 adults - 2 girls, 1 boy. I certainly don't remember ever striving to be the "perfect" parent. Not sure I was even aware what that was. I was, as I'm sure my kids (always will be my kids) would say, was the ultimate "imperfect" parent. I woke them every Saturday morning at 9 a.m. for weekly chores (done by the way to the sound of the Grease soundtrack blasting in the background). I required them to greet their aunts and uncles with a kiss on the cheek. I required them to share their toys, offer a seat to an older person, say please and thank you and, most importantly...to WAIT! I also let them pick 1 day every semester to play hooky and, every once in a while I did their homework for them just so I could get them into bed, at which time I would plop myself on the couch to watch uninterrupted TV. Baths were not compulsory in our home. Mostly, they were just "quick"! I was always amazed at how, if you put a dirty kid to bed they always woke up cleaner than when they went in. I had a "junk" drawer in my kitchen that housed everything today's parent would classify as poison, let them stay in the pool an extra half hour on a school night just because I so love the sound of laughter. I didn't raise my kids based on principles learned in a book. I parented from my "gut." Sometimes I said yes, sometimes no. Sometimes I yelled, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes my kids were good, sometimes bad. And mostly, when my kids whined and asked "WHY?", my answer was "BECAUSE I SAID SO!". I was too busy being "mom" to notice that Johnny's mom walked him to class wearing pajamas and slippers. For God's sake, she walked him to class. Which is more than I can say for myself. I did the drop off thing EVERY morning and sat there waving at them until they were out of my sight. Then, I booked it out of there...straight back home, where I would pour plop back into bed for another hour of much needed sleep! Ladies, cut yourself some slack! Slow down & stop parenting by the book, out of guilt, to please others or because that's what the other moms do. Take it from a middle aged grandma...it's exhausting to watch!
Been there, done that, maybe not exactly, but you get the idea. My kids are 7 and 9, and while they bath or shower, I attempt to put the laundry away, but mostly we live out of laundry (mostly clean) baskets! I went on vacation 3 weeks ago, and still have the suit cases open, with clothes in them, on the bedroom floors, I guess I'm just going to wait till all the clothes have been worn again, before I get to put the suit cases away!
I am not a mom (yet) but I have lots of respect for all the mothers in my life. What a mom (or dad) does every day is a triumph. Amen and God bless you for this post. I've never quite seen so many positive responses to an opinion about parenting. Bravo for sharing your thoughts and bravo for the audience for receiving your encouraging message!
This is what technology has done to our lives. We are now AWARE of all the things OTHER moms are doing/being/looking like at all times, and it's human nature to compare.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I sometimes avoid people at school pick up because I am THAT mom who doesn't volunteer my entire time at school even though I don't "work." It's amazing how being a mom is almost like stepping back into high school with the cliques. Your post is wonderful...you are wonderful. I'm inspired.
I'm a 76 yr. old mom, grandmom, greatgrandmom. 6 kids ,10 grands, 3 greatgrands! this is the best description of a real, down-to-earth SUPER mom i've ever heard! Thanks for making my day! [ my life!]
loved this! Laughed out loud! Thanks so much!
I just saw this post today from a friend who posted it on FB. I found myself reading it and thinking how it sounded so much like the thoughts that roll around in my head. I never want to offend anyone by making a big deal, but find my feelings hurt at times by the comments made by others...who I don't really believe for the most part intended to make me feel bad. It also made me think of the times that I have been too judgmental about someone else, especially someone I don't even know that well. I love your honesty and that you can put it into words in such a real way....best post I have seen in a very long time. I absolutely loved the final 2 lines in the post...simple, clear and unfailingly honest. I will take this to heart and try to be a "better version of me" that I am always telling my kids to be!
Ha-larious!!
I.love.you. This is so ironic, because I lay awake this morning analyzing my almost 15 years of motherhood wondering if it has been "good enough" have I been the most amazing mom on the planet. The answer is "no" and thank you for reminding me to stop being an asshole to myself, and to not judge those that choose differently from me. It takes all kinds and it takes a village, you rock!
Awesome post!!! Thanks for pointing out the not so obvious anymore.
Hell yeah!! Rock on :] I second this... all of this.
O.K. I don't know you...but I love you!! My kids are now 19 and 14, so I have been fighting this battle for years. Yes I work full time, because if I don't we don't eat. (I have a husband and he works too) I hate the whole competition thing. working women look down on stay at homes thinking how bored thy must be and stay at homes feel bad for workers because they must miss time with their kids. WRONG When I stayed home..I loved it. When I went back to work...I loved it. You have to do what is right for you, and your family. Some women might like to stay home, but can't afford to. Some stay at homes would like to work, but can't make it happen for a variety of reasons. Just because you do what you do, doesn't mean it is the ideal. It may be for you, but not for everyone. Let;s not judge each other, but stick together as moms. In the end, we all love our children.
I can finally quit feeling guilty!!! Great POST.
Thank you for this post!!! Love one another (and yourself!)
If you have these defensive opinions, don't read the blog.
That is exactly what Christ came to do, to free you from having to call out your neighbor for their sins and to free you from obsessing over your own sins. Christ took care of sin when He said "It is Finished" while on a cross. Accept His Grace for you and try to imitate his Grace for to you neighbor, know the freedom Christ intended for you!!
I live in a city, and it is exactly the same here.
Thanks! I was just trying to make this point the other day in my own blog: http://savethebodies.com/2013/09/02/back-to-school-2/
I love this!!!! And needed to hear it today!
Yes, you clearly missed the point of this post. I worked full-time before having children. And I work part-time now. Until you have been a stay at home mom with little ones, you can't appreciate this post. My house would be company ready too is my kids were in school most of the day and me and my husband worked full-time....no one is home to make a mess! You are organized, healthy and probably have a fully funded retirement plan...great for you. But do not judge those that are not. Be kind...everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Love this! I can't stand the competition between moms and I think that sites like Pinterest have just made them worse. As for me, I like fashion and working out, but I am not crafty at all!
Amen! I am the mother of a 3 1/2 month old boy who is perfectly healthy. I cannot believe how hard I am on myself for the things you published. Thank you so much for reminding me it will never be good enough for everyone else but it can be good enough for me. My healthy boy proves that to me every day.
Makes me feel better to know that I can stand strong in my beliefs and leave others to theirs.
Thank you for writing this. Fun read!
I love this post! I'm the disorganized mom who can pass in the cooking department JUST enough to survive.. my hubby is the chef around here. I was SO proud of myself when I made a nummy supper last night... just because it isn't often I make food that is edible. Haha! :) I always tell my hubby I wish I could be that mom who can do everything, and enjoy it. I usually ponder about whether or not I'm cut out to be a good mom, and then feel bad that I can't be the super mom my children deserve. :( This post makes me feel so much better. Thank you!
Oh, and I thought I would add... make up and shaven legs aren't what makes women beautiful. I suppose everyone's opinion is different, but if my hubby made comments like that... I'd likely freak out. Especially considering that my spouse doesn't exactly keep up with appearances either. We just do what works best for us.. I couldn't imagine giving myself a full make over, body shave, hair and nails done every day of the week. It only happens when I really need a pick me up after weeks of feeling too exhausted to care what I look like. Lol!
Rock on sister!!! My mantra is, if you don't like dog hair on your clothes, don't sit on the furniture. No supermom here, either, but I love my kids and my hubby and I do my best. Nothing more to do than that. :)
Love this!
Amen sista. You've brilliantly articulated what I've thought since I first got pregnant 15 years ago. Should be required reading for every person honking about creating tiny humans.
This is the first post of yours I've ever read, and I f***ing LOVE it! I'm so sick of all the judgements we and society at large make on each other. But, I love how some people are starting a backlash! You might enjoy this woman's website too: http://www.abeautifulbodyproject.com/
I think what's so great about this blog post is that allow for celebration of the things that we DO put effort into, that others don't - whether that's working full time to provide more for your family or model a working mom for your daughter, OR whether that's staying home to "live" more of your children's childhoods with them. The "different priorities" take is a great way to celebrate whatever it is that we DO do, without offending those who don't do it. Because as you say, no one person can do it all. And all of our efforts are GOOD.
Slow clap here. Thank you. THANK YOU. :)
"I hope you’ll afford me the same kindness when I am braless in the drop off lane at school wearing pajamas and you look like you’ve had twelve hours of sleep, a blowout, and your makeup done before 9 am on a rainy Tuesday"
this statement here is extremely judgmental! Oh I am sorry that I take care of my appearance and don't look like shit in the morning.. whether you have children or not this is not an excuse! take some pride please...
Cool ¦]
To Rebekah Johnson - thank you! You have put into words exactly how I feel. People (women) love these type of posts because it gives them the freedom to feel good about their inadequacies and it's almost become a contest in the other direction (I'm the worst mom ever, etc). The cold hard truth is that life and parenting is hard and requires much sacrifice. Unfortunately, the religion of the day is "Self" which does not believe in sacrifice. Thank you for taking the time to write a thoughtful and impactful comment and know that at least one other person agrees with you ;-)
Love, love, love this!
Agreed. Stop judging others unless your name is GOD. Otherwise, embrace who you are & be kind and accepting to others whether they share the same values or not. No one here can prove their parenting method is superior & really we won't know either for a long time. Just realize each school or social group depends on each of our "styles" a.k.a "differences" to run effectively & without the diversity it would fail horribly! Just teach your kids to be kind, we are all equal & we are all special in our own way, don't teach your child to be mean & judgmental...that's what leads to violence. We ALL have feelings, be mindful of that & teach your child to be mindful as well!
Oh, for the record, I didn't say at all that I am the worst mom ever. In fact, I think I outlined all of the things I am great at and didn't feel it was self deprecating to say that there are other women who do things better than I do in some areas. Because that is the reality, there are some women who are awesome at things I am not. Am I going to spend all day dwelling on that? No.
I actually think I'm quite a good mom, I'm just not the perfect mom. And neither are you.
We ALL make lots of sacrifices for our children. They just aren't the same sacrifices because all of our situations are different.
I NEVER comment on posts, but this is the best, most genuine and honest, post I've ever read. It's the kind of post that makes me want to read all your other posts. It's the kind of post that makes me want you to live nearby so I can meet you. Yeah, that probably sounds creepy, but you seem to be the type of person everyone needs in their life. Thoughtful, honest and funny...things I wish alot more people could say about themselves. Thank you for saying what every mom needed to hear...from the "trying to keep up with appearances" mom to the "I pay WAY more attention to my kids than I do to myself" mom. And I admit that I've been both. Thanks again!
love this!
Great post! Just shared on my page. This really is amazing. I wish I could give you a high five!!
Yes! I am a Parent Outreach worker (think parenting coach) and two things that I tell my parents:
1. Parenting is the HARDEST job in the world.
2. Everybody is perfect until step into their front door.
We are so preoccupied with what other think and many are so preoccupied with judges others. Instead, we need to support each other because, PARENTING IS THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD.
Love this.
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