Where you came from.

31 August 2010
Finn asked me today where we got him.

Three year olds are a nosey bunch aren't they? 

I explained to him that mommy and daddy made him and he grew in my tummy until he was big enough to come out.

I figure that the nightmare of figuring out it involves a penis and a vagina can be saved for a later date.

Much later.  Like never.  Or whenever his dad feels it necessary to share that information with him.  Because a) dad's should talk to boys about their equipment and how it works and b) it will be hilarious to watch Dave have that talk. 

Then he asked me how I got his bones inside my tummy.

Uh.  Well, you were really tiny and you grew them?

Where the hell do these kids come up with these questions and why do I feel like I have to be a scientist to figure out the answers?

So we pulled out the online album of when I was pregnant and had him.  I showed him the 3d ultrasound pics where he looked a little like himself and less like a blob.  He asked me if that was the food in my belly.  Um, no.  That's your face, see?

I showed him pictures of me when I was pregnant.  Let me tell you, I was not 'cute pregnant' I looked like death warmed over.  I am pretty sure I have mentally blocked that out to protect myself as a coping mechanism.  Which totally sucks because Dave's work wife my friend Jordan just gave birth to the sweetest baby girl in fifteen minutes of pushing and looked cuter than any human being should EVER look after pushing a baby out of her vagina without an epidural.  If she wasn't so awesome I'd probably have to hate her.

Maybe this infertility thing is really the universe saying, "dude, you are not a pretty pregnant and if you have a girl, YOU'RE going to be the one explaining the whole penis/vagina thing, so let's just skip that, ok?"


Jen said...

Do you want me to break out the reproduction and development teaching materials when you visit? I have a "match the organ with the function" worksheet and anatomy coloring book pages. I'm all for scientifically-literate toddlers. :)

Bunny @ 86n It said...

I can't imagine you not looking great! That being said, I've convinced myself that Jordan had someone photoshop her post-birth photos. It's the only way I can sleep at night.

Just A Normal Mom said...

LOL! They definitely are a nosy bunch! Smart questions for a little guy :-)


Jennifer said...

I gave our son the "talk" this year at Sonic. Chris and I were both supposed to do it together. He kept opening his mouth and nothing would come out so I had to do the whole thing. Let me tell you, there's nothing like sucking down a burger and fries while your talking about wet dreams and masturbation.

Jessica @ Wanting Adventure said...

I think you described it pretty well for a little kid! And I can't imagine you looked as bad pregnant as you think you did.

Ashlee Martin Smith said...

Hahaha. I'm laughing so hard. You're the best. And I've been MIA for a few days so I just read all your posts I've missed and it was so good to catch up and laugh and remember how ridiculously awesome you are.

tiffany said...

Oh, wait until he asks how he got out. That's a fun one to have to skirt around. At least, that's my method for now. I'm just not ready to explain to my 4 year old how, exactly, she arrived. :)

Meg said...

omg totally laughing out loud through this entire post.

Elise said...

i love you and finn, i was laughing so annoyingly jamie had to stop her homework to ask what was so funny. ps. everyone, M is a liar cause she was that cute prego even though she denies it

Unknown said...

Thanks Michelle. I'm blushing. Sorry Bunny, those pics are the real deal : )

Unknown said...

LOL I am always amazed at the things kiddos can think up and ask...I did not enjoy the whole reproduction talk with my kids...and i refuse to believe that you were anything BUT Glowing while you were preggers!

Meg said...

My parents never had the birds and bees talk with me. I found out about it from my older brother and the school bus. They didn't have the Santa talk with me either. I had to ask my piano teacher in third grade how to break the news to them that I knew about Santa without hurting their feelings. I guess avoidance sometimes works!

I bet you're a hot momma when you're pregnant! And not only would Finnegan be the perfect older brother, you'd be so good with a girl! It'll all work out! :)

MJ said...

Hi Michelle! It's been waaaay too long since I stopped by your blog -- please forgive me.

But this post I loved because, determined NOT to be my parents when it comes to the birds-n-bees talk (there was no talk, only an Ann Landers book tossed on my bed) I talk about this sh*t ALL the TIME. We are ALL about the penises and the vaginas around here.

(My kids will then probably rebel against my method and become the kinds of parents who toss an Ann Landers book on the bed. The cycle continues...)

Anywho, have you considered the Ann Landers option?

@JessEsco said...

Oh honey! Don't be ridiculous! Yeah Ava's asked about babies and stuff. It makes for some creative story telling, I'll tell you that much!

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