Mama. Mommy. Mom.

13 March 2013

I am the girl, who in sixth grade gender separated sex talk, asked embarrassingly, “So, what do you do about your period when you’re pregnant?”  Thankfully, not quite grasping the concept of the female menstrual cycle when you’re twelve doesn’t preclude you from getting pregnant eighteen years later.  The fertility drugs helped.   Twelve year old Michelle and my Catholic grade school teachers would be in awe of the mad reproductive knowledge of thirty-six year old Michelle.

I do find myself trying to navigate this whole motherhood thing though and some days I feel as confused as twelve year old me. 

I say really bizarre things.

Great helping Tay, but we do not use dog water to sweep the floor.

We do not hit daddy in the face with a book.

Cookies aren’t a healthy snack choice.

Sometimes, as they are uttered, I look around for my own mother.  It isn’t her though, it’s me.  I am the mom. 

And it is weird. 

Tell me motherhood is magical and special and blah blah blah.  WEIRD is what it is.

I mean, it’s a pretty jarring moment the first time it happens.  Right?  Your brow furrows and you make the face that says, did that seriously just come out of my mouth?  Am I really the one making the rules around this joint?  Frankly, cookies sound like a delicious snack choice to me.  Who put me in charge?  I don’t even understand how periods work!

While we’re at it, a heads up would have been nice, not only will you eventually turn into your mother, but SURPRISE! an actual baby is coming to live at your house. 

I know this should seem fairly obvious given the fact that you are registering for baby gifts and furiously reading fruit comparisons of just how big that baby is growing inside your ever expanding uterus, but it’s not.  You roll your eyes when people tell you to sleep as much as humanly possible and go out to dinner at 9 pm with your friends before that baby arrives.  Of course, YOU will do everything by the 37 parenting books you read and YOUR life won’t change.  It’s that other poor woman who will have a house full of music playing toys that pop on in the middle of the night and scare the shit out of her. 

How hard can a baby be?  It’s a lemon now!  A papaya!  A watermelon!

Let me answer that for you… right after you stay up for 24 hours straight and drink a pot of coffee because that is as close an approximation I can get to the the state you’ll be in for the next several years of your life.

A moment happens though, and no one tells you this either, where that sweet baby is put into your arms and you still feel like you, but you’re also someone new.  You are a mom and your heart grows three sizes that day, just like the Grinch. 

Trust me, you will need all that love for when they are five years old screaming about baths and one year old scaling their tiny play kitchen to escape their crib.


Tawny said...

I wish I could sleep. My hormones cause me to be wide awake every 2 hours since the beginning of this pregnancy. At least I will be used to the weird hours? Please tell me that is the silver lining.

Ugh - 36 weeks this Saturday - 4 more weeks give or take.

No turning back now!!!!

She better be cute. Lol.

Anonymous said...

"While we’re at it, a heads up would have been nice that not only will you eventually turn into your mother, but an actual baby is coming to live at your house."

Hah! I love it! It is so true that once you leave the hospital you suddenly realize, "They let me take her HOME?! WHAT DO I DO NOW?!"

And yes, my daughter is only two and I already have turned in to my mother. It cracks me up!

Bunny @ 86n It said...

The other day a friend wrote in an email to me: "I'm not going to come over. I don't want to get your kids sick."

Your KIDS.

I have kids. Plural.

Somehow the jump from one to two children made me feel like so much more of "that mom". It was shocking.

Just A Normal Mom said...

So. Much. Truth. I loved this post!

Jackie said...

I think I remember when you asked that question...were we speaking that year??? You are an awesome mom and don't let a 5, 1 or 13 year old tell you differently:)

Michelle said...

Ha! We totally were speaking that year, in fact I have pictures to prove it. Jeff B and I went home after that and his mom pulled out the anatomy book to explain that you don't pee out of your vagina. It was a magical week of learning for me.

@JessEsco said...

Hilarious. I asked Allie to take Ava her pjs since she was showering. I said to take them to the bathroom. She did. To the toilet. And dumped them in.

And then there was the time she hit her teacher at school because she didn't feel like sitting. Oh yeah, that was yesterday.


You can come and have the talk with Ava. Yes, ok?

Unknown said...

Oh so True! Love the last will need lots and lots of that love:)

Unknown said...

Oh so True! Love the last will need lots and lots of that love:)

Unknown said...

I am most definitely turning into my mother! I said, "I don't care what the other kids do!" just yesterday for the first time. :)

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