Listen to Your Wife or Lose a Thumb.

06 October 2011

There isn’t much I don’t like about this man.

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Not much at all.  He’s intelligent.  He’s handsome.  He’s moderately amusing in some circles.  He spoils me rotten.

We don’t fight very often, but we argue debate converse a lot.  {Um, I’m fiery in case you haven’t noticed.}  For the most part I like him a lot.  One of the things though that drives me absolutely bonkers is his ability to fixate on something totally stupid that takes up time unnecessarily and/or is {in my expert opinion} totally unneeded.  It makes me nuts.

An example, you say?  Don’t mind if I do. 

Dave has to sharpen knives every single Wusthof-y time he uses them.

Do you know what it’s like to hear that annoying scraaaaaape scraaaaaape scraaaaaape of a knife be dragged along the steel knife sharpener thingy?  It’s maddening, let me tell you.  And totally unnecessary.

I scream sometimes when I hear it from the other room.

An interjection here if I may?

A couple weeks ago, I needed to make a trip up to Ikea for Amy’s Shower.  I grabbed the couple things I needed and mentioned that it would be great to get Finnegan a $15 art easel so he could paint.  Dave gave me the “we’re not spending unnecessarily now,” speech and I wholeheartedly agreed with him.  It was a measly $15, but he was right, it wasn’t something we needed right this very minute and it would make a great Christmas gift.

Not five minutes later, he was putting this $7 knife sharpener in our cart. 


Oh, I know what you’re saying.  You’re saying, but Michelle!  Why does Dave get something totally unnecessary when you’re not supposed to be spending??  Don’t you already own the maddening steel rod thingy that he already uses to sharpen every. time. he. uses. a. freaking. knife?


Apparently though, he tells me, that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and the Ikea sharpener has the angle all done for you.

Why has he been using something that he doesn’t even know how to use EVERY time he sharpens a knife then, you ask?

This is my reality people.

So I give him “the look” and he pretends to put it back, but then he would have pouted, so I told him to get it.  Yes, yes, I told him to get it, but he should know that means do NOT get it. 


Where was I?  Oh yes, here…

Sunday night I made a quick Costco run and called Dave and asked him to please start cutting onions for dinner.  When I got home, he mentioned that he had cut his thumb and I noticed it had a band-aid on it.  I didn’t think too much of it.

Right before bed he took a shower and casually mentioned that it might be bleeding a lot.  It was soaking through band-aids pretty quickly and he had cut himself 6 hours before.  It was midnight when I realized that maybe it was a bad cut.  I asked him if he needed to go to the ER for stitches.

Which is when he proceeded to tell me that there wasn’t anything to stich because he had cut part of his thumb OFF. 

And it had gone down the drain.


The next morning he woke up {still bleeding on and off} and I made him call the doctor.

Here is his Facebook status.

New Picture (11)

When he got home, we were talking about his antibiotics and why the doc was being so careful which is when he mentioned that the knife was really sharp.

Like a cartoon, the light bulb went on.

Me:  “You sharpened that knife right before you sliced your thumb off, didn’t you?”

Dave:  “Maybe.”

Me:  “You didn’t mention that yesterday?”

Dave:  “Of course not.”

I would type the moral of this story, but I am pretty sure you all can already guess. 

Oh and don’t you worry about Dave, it should grow back.



Aubrey {All Things Bright and Beautiful} said...

Oh. My. HILARIOUS. Especially that last picture...documentation for the next time he won't listen maybe??? (c: Hehehe...I'm pretty sure this is *every* man in America. My hubbs definitely doesn't listen to me on that stuff either, but unfortunately, hasn't had to pay the price on it recently. Dang it. (c: And the whole "spending freeze only applies to you" thing really irks me...why do I have to be the responsible one??? It's such a good thing they have us around! (c:

MommyLisa said...

SOOO typical. ;) Love the little darlings.

Samantha said...

This story is too funny! I hope Dave's 1/8 grows back quickly :)

Anonymous said...

That was hilarious! I am still laughing!

Tricia said...

Holy Ouch! I'm sorry that your husband got hurt, but you were/are totally right. About everything. Always!

Just A Normal Mom said...

The story? Hilarious. The thumb cutting? Nauseating. My blog partner-BFF did that and had to go have it cauterized when it wouldn't stop bleeding. Ack!

Dave said...

I'd give this post two thumbs up, but...

Joanna said...

Hah! This is too funny!! Not the thumb cutting part, though. I cut the tip of mine almost completely off a couple years back. The worse part was the numbing pain meds. So. Freaking. Painful.

Emily said...

Nice move, Davester. You should listen to Michelle more often.

Stacy Kaye said...

Is it bad that I am actually laughing out loud? Sorry about the thumb, Dave, but should listen to your wife! HA HA! Oh man, I am sure it really hurt though. Cracks me up that he was eating humble pie and didn't REALLY want to mention just quite how bad it was.

Also, the IKEA art easel is 100% worth it. My parents bought it for Caden last Christmas and we have gotten SO MUCH USE out of it! It totally and completely rocks.

Yostee said...

Thank you Dave... you have now provided me with another question to ask the men that come in to the ER with missing appendages. As I am x-raying them, I now will ask.... does you wife know the entire story b/c if she doesn't you better tell her ASAP b/c soon it will be posted on her hilarious blog for everyone to read about. I say Finn now deserves that easel for a "just because" and Mommy deserves some flowers ... that should equal the amount of the co-pay from the hospital and the $7 gadget that caused the problem in the first place!!!!

Jessica @ Wanting Adventure said...

I really shouldn't laugh at Dave getting hurt - but he should have just listened to you in the first place! Here's hoping he'll do that moving forward.

KY Mommy said...

This was hilarious - thanks for the smile! (and thanks for the comment on my blog).

Unknown said...

hahaha :) I LOVE it! I am going to have my husband read this. He's going to love well as just think about the next time he sharpens my knives! I hate it when he sharpens my knives the sound it makes just is unnerving and he stand right in the middle of my cooking! :)

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