There Always Has to be an International Incident With Him - Part 1

22 February 2010

My husband isn't really a good traveller.  On our first flight together, we were going to Florida and he had about 12 things in his hands before I kindly reminded him that everything needed to be in his bag or on his person because you can't just get on a flight with a bunch of stuff.  Admittedly, he is now a much better traveller since he has to travel for work fairly often, he's got that one bag rule down.

But allow me to share with you the international incidents.  Oh yes, not just one incident, there is an S there people.  This is also the reason that, while I'd like to add a stamp in my passport in my 101 Things, I am afraid.  Very afraid.

#1 St Martin 
It started on our first international trip together.  It was to St Martin in 2005.  Dave didn't realize that he needed a non-military passport because well, at that point he had only been out of the US when with the ANG.  So, we had to expidite it, but he received it in time and we made our way to St Martin.

We had some swimsuits drying on the railing and they fell down, so being the drunk nice guy that he is, Dave decided to walk down to get them.  Please note the following...

This is the villa we stayed in.  Notice the virtual JUNGLE that is right under the railing.  This is where he was going to get the swimsuits.

This guy hung out daily sunning himself right where he was going to get the swimsuits.

And so did a huge wasp/bees nest.  So alas, my fiance at the time, is hacking his way through the jungle yard and disturbs said bees.  He comes SCREAMING bloody murder, running, dancing around like a maniac and trying to rip his shirt off up the path to the stairs.  And we're all laughing because, it's St Martin, we've been drinking rum since 10 am, and we think he is screwing around.  I think he finally ripped his shirt off and jumped in the pool before we realize that he's been stung lots.  Thankfully, he was just sore and felt better later.  He never did get those suits, but later Britt jumped right over the railing onto a little landing, grabbed the suits, and climbed back up... incident free.

He also decided that he would be the driver the night my mom & Richard got married on the beach.  Big mistake.  That stone wall came outta nowhere!

And then there was this...

Dave decided to get plastered at this hut {literally a shack} on the beach with my step-dad while my sister & Britt were snorkeling.  He was drinking gin when Lyndsey came out of the ocean, parched and thinking it was water, asked if she could take a drink.  Oh yes, he let her take a big swig... nothing like saltwater washed down with a little gin, eh?  They then carted him back up to the house where he proceeded to have the following conversation with my mother...

Dave:  What is totally AWESOME for $2000 Alex? *imagine a finger snap & clap here* THE DAVESTER.

Janet:  What were you drinking?

Dave: Oh, maybe some Gin with Richard.  Your mother's a whore Trebeck.

Janet:  Gin makes you sin.  Go take a nap before Michelle wakes up and finds you like this.

Dave:  OK

When I woke up from my nap, the "Davester" was curled up in the fetal position on a lounge chair by the pool with his shirt pulled up like a belly shirt.  He was hung over by 4 pm.

#2 Cancun
And then came Cancun.  We get off the plane and I tell Dave, "Do not give our luggage to anyone under any circumstances."  He agrees.  So when you're going through customs in Cancun, you have to press this button and it gives you either a green light (proceed) or a red light (stop and be searched).  I press the button, GREEN and I start walking through, Dave's hand is on the button before I yell noooooooooo.  You only need to press it once with your spouse.  Luckily, he stopped just before pressing it.  Then we're walking out to get a shuttle and I turn around and Dave is walking next to some kid who was probably 14 who has his suitcase.  The kid walked probably 20 feet with his bag before I told him to get it back and then he wanted a tip.  So Dave gets pissed because he has to tip this kid and he can't figure out in the first place HOW he let the kid take his bag from him.

It gets better... a couple days later we're coming back from dinner and the doormen open the door and say, "Buenos Noches."  I reply with the same.  Dave replys with, "Baños NaNaNachos."  At that point, I turn around to look to see if he indeed just said "bathroom nachos" with a stutter and laughed so hard I, indeed did need to find a baño before I peed my pants.

And then, Tropical Storm Stan rolled in...

You can read about our international incidents in #3 Ireland & #4 Paris that I wrote about earlier.  That didn't even include the British Airways flight from hell being trapped in a plane filled with the smell of salmon... they convieniently ran out of the chicken aka: the reason I will never fly BA again. 

So maybe now, you can understand my trepidation with international travel and the Davester.

I'd love to know we're not the only ones, what your travel adventures have been!


Ashley said...

Actually all my traveling has been pretty tame compared to those escapades. You poor thing. At least it was entertaining huh? Trebec's mothers a whore. Love it.

Jackie said...

Who can compete with that?

cupcakefitz said...

We stayed at the same villa in 97! We had to walk through that jungle to get to the beach. It was so scary! Ha! But the whole travel there was pre-9/11 so it was very uneventful. We didn't even need a passport.

Michelle said...

That is hilarious (and awesome!) We loved that vacation, it was such a fantastic time & we loved the house! It was so nice that everyone had their own room & bathroom. Did you know after we went, they put up a hotel right there on the beach (where the bar/shack was)? Such a bummer!

Elise said...

i just peed a litte. I love Dave even more than I did before if that is even possible. I can totally picture the conversation with janet and the doormen.

cupcakefitz said...

I just wrote a huge response to you and it went off to cyberworld, never to be read again.
Anyway, we were saddened to hear about the hotel in the place of the bar/shack. We purchased many a Carib and margarita from them. And what a view blocker from the deck of the villa. At least there will still be that amazing view of Oyster Pond. Thanks for your fun post! I'll have post some of our pictures of st. martin for you to see!

Heather Lea said...

i absolutely love this post! i've been reading your blog for quite a while now and i love your quirky sense of humor. you make me smile, even if i don't know you. keep on keepin' on, girlie! :)

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