The Fornification of Frogs

05 February 2010
Elise from the Attic is a weekly blog post from my sister Elise who is currently kicking up her heels and studying her ass off in Kentucky. She is a fashionista and a lunatic, but we love her. Mostly. Here is this week's edition of:
I am questioning my sanity and the sanity of the Kentucky population.

First, my sociology teaching assistant, who moved here from China two years ago, went on for twenty minutes about how "our society puts us in chins" before I realized that he was saying chains.

As I was leaving that class, this guy stops me and asks me to point him to the journalism buliding. I guess he thought I looked nerdy enough that I would know where every class on campus is held... he was correct. But, as I'm pointing to a girl in the distance, using her as a reference in describing to him which way to go I said,  "See the blonde girl way up there?"   He responded with, "Oh yeah, the one with the hUGE ass? hahahahahaha," this guy was looking at me like I was going to laugh along and compliment him on his charm and wit.  It took every amount of class I have in me to restrain myself from beating him down right there on the sidewalk. He obviously did not look close enough to see the behind that my mother passed on to me.

The craziness does not end there my friends.

In Biology, my nut of a professor {who my friend and I have decided cannot possibly be married} decided to lecture on the fornification of species of toads and frogs. This, coming from a man who refers to himself as "rat bastard".  THE. MAN. CALLS. HIMSELF. RAT. BASTARD. PEOPLE! Anyway, before pulling out two large snakes from a bag at the end of the class to show us {for no obvious reason at all} he showed slides of frogs getting it on for an hour and fifteen minutes.

Is it creepy that I kind of found it really interesting though? If the answer to that question is yes, then I was just kidding.

But, to prove his theory that a frog will eat anything that moves and fits in its mouth and mates with anything that moves and doesn't fit in its mouth, he put his HAND in a pond in his back yard and watched three toads hump it for hours.... 6 hours to be exact. He said they would have gone for 12.

Naturally, he showed us the pictures.

I was beginning to think I was the only person on this campus with a semblence of sanity left...until I tried to pull the door open at the tanning salon for a good five minutes until realizing I was supposed to push. This is what I'm dealing with on a daily basis.....If I haven't lost my mind yet, it will undoubtedly happen soon.

Until next week,

Elise, From the Attic


Amy said...

You are hilarious, Elise! (maybe even funnier than Michelle!) j/k Michelle

My only complaint about your blogs is that I think they should be longer. Or is that your master plan, to keep us wanting more? :)

Jackie said...

Great post Elise. And for the record I question the people of Kentucky's sanity every day!

Elise said...

Oh gosh Amy, I hope that for the sake of my own sanity I don't have any more than this to write for one day any time soon! Gotta love bluegrass country, Jackie!

Grace said...

I love the fact the professor calls himself Rat Bastard. Does he want you to address him as Rat Bastard? If so that makes this story even more hilarious. And you just might be funnier than Michelle, and I am not afraid to stand up to that.

Elise said...

Personally, I'm afraid to refer to him as Rat Bastard because honestly with my luck I'd call him that as the President of the University was giving a classroom tour to some alumni donors or something. But he would not mind it one bit.

patty said...

how funny!

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