About Us: MJ + Al, married 11 years.

17 August 2012

The Davester and I have the seven year itch. That’s right. SEVEN years of wedded bliss. {Total lie, marriage is hard work, yo.} While we’re celebrating our anniversary this week, I’ve asked some of my favorite bloggers and their husbands to share some words on marriage.

MJ is the brilliant writer behind the blog Seattle Moxie where she documents life and the remodel of their new home, Banister Abbey.  You can’t imagine the amount of work and how insanely cool this house is going to be.  She and her husband Al and their two children just moved back stateside after a three year stint in Paris.  You can read about their Parisian adventures at her old, neglected, unloved {but still hilarious} blog American Mom in Paris.  Funnily enough, I read her Paris blog for months, MONTHS, before realizing that we went to high school together and had gone to France together.  She also sings a mean Copacabana.


How many years have you been a couple & who liked whom first?

We've been a couple over fourteen years.  The question of who liked who first is answered differently depending who you ask.  I (Mindy) say Alex liked me first because he gave me seductive eyes across a crowded room.  He says I liked him first because I couldn't resist something called his "hot bod."

What has being married taught you?

Being married has made us realize we are both firey, unreasonable, annoying people.  Humbling.  Thankfully, we've also learned acceptance and patience to the point of sainthood.  I was never a patient person, but after fourteen years of Alex singing song lyrics loudly and incorrectly while driving 25mph on the freeway, I've become better at it.

Alex says marriage has taught him "give and take" but who the hell knows what he means by that.

What is the most fun thing the two of you have ever done together?

The most fun we've had together is during our travels.  We've had some crazy trips.  The episode at the forefront of our memories is drinking grappa with some locals in Croatia, then being confronted with their full frontal nudity on a boat, then stumbling home because we were afraid they were going to rob us.  Nothing says "fun" to us like running home drunk and falling into some bushes.

The least fun we've had is working on our fixer house together.  That's when we've come closest to homicide.

How do you resolve issues?  Do you ever go to bed angry?

We resolve issues with calm, rational communication but only after the sh*t has hit the fan and there's been a lot of yelling.  Or, if we're too tired, we don't resolve the issue at all, instead waiting for the issue to resurface at a later date when we will perhaps have more energy to deal with it.

And yes, we go to bed angry.  If we stay awake to resolve the problem, the fatigue, plus the pressure from generations of people telling us we can't go to bed angry, tends to make us more angry and less willing to be reasonable.  We become confused and incoherent to the point of fighting about something unrelated, such as ugly socks or musical preference.

So go to bed angry, it's OK.  Agree to reconvene the next day.  Everything seems less severe in the morning.

What is the secret to a happy marriage?

Alex says the secret to a happy marriage is choosing well to start with.  Also, sharing your dreams, no matter how stupid (that's not nice, Alex) and growing in the same direction.

I say the secret to a happy marriage is acceptance.  Al can't change me, I can't change Al.  Marriage is loving what you love about the person and largely ignoring what you hate.  Drink wine.  Laugh.  Laugh as much as you can, especially at your kids, because that really bonds you.

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