There are some movies that are just icons, movies that you just don’t screw with. They are generation defining. There can be no other.
Either they are SO bad that they are good, spurring a cult like following, think Rocky Horror Picture Show. Or they capture a point in your life so amazingly well that you can’t imagine not having their awesomeness to relive over and over again, think pretty much everything made by John Hughes in the 1980s. Movies that you can utter a few little words to your friends, “nobody puts Baby in the corner,” and I’ve had the time of my life begins playing through your head. You’re singing it right now, aren’t you and imagining yourself saying something stupid like, “I carried a watermelon,” to the Patrick Swayze of your dreams?
Call me a curmudgeon, but does this current generation have a Grease or a Saturday Night Fever or Jaws? No? How about a Top Gun, or maybe a Goonies, or The Breakfast Club? No, no they don’t.
Will you take a look at this?
You read that right. If you’re screaming, “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!” in rage at the computer screen right now, it’s justified.
They re-made Footloose.
The prom with the twinkly lights and the ceiling full of stars. The sneaking off to the bar behind Reverend Moore’s back. Ren teaching Willard to dance to the tune of Let’s Hear It for the Boy. Re-made it.
Who thought this was a good idea? Fess up, you dirty bastard. Who, because I want to give them a quick punch to the testicles.
Go on, see up there in the right hand corner of my screen? Click that little Facebook ‘share’ button on this one and see if you don’t have anyone over thirty pissed off at the sheer idiocy at the thought of ever replacing the real Footloose.
I mean if they remade Breakfast at Tiffany’s, who could play Holly? No one like Audrey. No one.
Isn’t it enough that LiLo went and screwed up my beloved The Parent Trap? I’m sure we can all agree that Johnny Depp is in fact, not the real Willy Wonka. And Vince Vaughn in Psycho is laughable! Re-makes generally suck. The ONLY one I can think of off the top of my head that doesn’t suck is Oceans Eleven and I half think it’s because of the hot factor. Face it, even Bernie Mac is hot in that movie being a bad ass. Those boys did the Rat Pack proud.
But this? This? You don’t mess with Risky Business, you don’t try to re-create Cool Hand Luke, there are no knock-offs that can ever replace the Duckiness of Jon Cryer in Pretty in Pink. And you don’t fuck with Kevin Bacon.