24 May 2010
My little brother is a freshman in high school.  This is his week of finals and he is furiously turning in projects and preparing for his exams... if by preparing, I mean waiting until the last minute and not studying because he is assininely intelligent.

He called me last night and asked me if he could come over to interview Dave and I for a project he had to turn in {today, I might add} and he wanted to talk about marriage.


He will be fifteen in two weeks.

And he wants to talk about marriage.  Our marriage.

My brother, who doesn't usually say more than two words to me because he is a freshman and beyond cool.  My brother, who is usually surrounded by a group of five other obnoxious teenage friends.  My brother, who barely acknowledges my presence when I am standing in front of him wants to ask Dave and I intimate questions about how we make our marriage work so he can report back to a class full of fourteen and fifteen year olds.

It was awesome.  Really.  And a little weird too. 

We shared with him the moment, just after walking back up the aisle where we snuck off to a room to be alone for a few moments instead of having a receiving line.  We talked about the reactions to our engagement, some I must say weren't the most positive and hurtful.  We talked about what makes our marriage work and what pieces are the most difficult.  We each described marriage in one word and explained why we chose that one word.  We thought about things like how Finn has changed our relationship.  He asked us, "what is the point of marriage?"  And really... what IS the point?  Have you ever thought about it?  My favorite question by far was, "what do you want to tell a room full of freshman boys about marriage?"

Our answer?  Don't get married until you are at least 25, be on the same page about money, and communicate.

The discussion made us both think a lot about our marriage and how far we've come.  Together.  And it reminded us that sometimes a little mindful thinking about your marriage comes at just the right time.  If an almost fifteen year old is the catalyst for that, so be it. 

Even when you're busy, being in love with each other is what got you here, to this place.  And it takes just a moment to bite your tongue, to say I Love You, to kiss, to be there in your marriage.  A little nudge to have sex in the afternoon, to make his favorite dinner, to finish a nagging item on her 'honey do' list, to not let the day to day interfere with the fifty year story of your marriage. 

So tell me, what would YOU tell a bunch of fourteen year olds about marriage?  What one word describes marriage for you?  What do you think about marriage?


@JessEsco said...

I would tell them to wait. I look at teenagers today and how "in love" they are and think back to relationships in high school. How stupid were we? To honestly think that we'd be together forever. Someone who you don't even know someone you HAD to have. Granted some people do find their forever love in high school, but mostly it's just drama and makes me wonder why we let it break our hearts for nothing.

The biggest thing is know the person you love and be able to COMMUNICATE. Even years later it's still something we are learning and it truly makes a relationship work. Think about the reasons you are getting married and don't rush into anything. No one ever said you have to be married by a certain age.

For me marriage is: partnership (love, friendship, parenting). My husband and I share everything so you have to have somebody that you WANT to do that with. And continue to work to make that partnership grow and blossom--together.

Holly Lefevre said...

I think what you told a bunch of 14 year olds hit the nail on the head. I would add it is hard, don't believe it is not and don't think you are going to change someone.

Stacy Kaye said...

Wow...I have no idea what I would say to fourteen year olds. Yikes!

I agree though, with Jess...and Wait. WAIT! Wait for the right girl/guy. I did. I wasn't ancient when I got married, but for the area I am from I was! I had friends that already had more than one child! It was worth it though, to be with this guy that makes my world go around. He's this amazing guy, that throws a load of towels in the wash because he knows it will make my life easier. He makes me strawberry smoothies because he knows that it will be that perfect treat for me. He is the one that says "Go take a nap, I'll take the munchkin outside to play." and makes me giggle by jumping on top of me and tickling me.

Yeah, it's worth the wait for that guy!

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