Balance.

Hello, my name is Michelle, and I am a perfectionist and a control freak and constantly spread myself too thin attempting to help everyone all the time.  I have never been good at balance, at juggling, at accomplishing what I need to do in a way that is not detremental to my sanity.  Ever.  As much as it pains me to admit it, I just can't do it all, though I'd like to sure give it a try.  I love to do things for other people, to lend a hand, to help a friend, to be a shoulder to cry on, to kiss tears away, to be an amazing wife, to be the cheerleader, to be a fun great mom, to help my sisters, to be a coherent {after reading this post you'll know that's bullshit} writer, to welcome new friends, and on and on and on.  Ummmm, it is however, exhausting.  I think the entire month of June I was running on caffeine and adreneline.

I am pretty sure though, that I've massively given the wrong opinion to my friends who think I have everything  together all the time.  No one does.  When I posted THIS, a very dear, amazing friend whom I love to death, sent me an email that said, "Stuff like that reminds me that you're a little bit human and don't completely have your stuff together as well as you carry it out."  Well, I am pretty sure if I had three kids to run around after and another one on the way, I wouldn't be able to function nearly as well as you do, so let's call it even.  I don't ever want my friends to feel like that though, like I'm not human and have all my shit together all the time.  That I don't bitch about things and have bad days and drop the ball.  The truth is, it is almost crippling to admit that sometimes I'm just a fuck up like everyone else.  I forget to renew my EXPIRED drivers license for {almost} 6 months, I feed my child pizza for breakfast, and I am pretty sure my husband would agree that it would be great if I could actually make dinner more than twice a week because our budget sucks when we get takeaway five nights a week.  

Another friend and I were having a conversation this week about babies and she very pointedly asked me if I realized that I very likely wouldn't have another Finnegan.  You mean all babies don't walk at eight and a half months, talk by age one, & potty train themselves before they are two?  It isn't always easy though having a child that does things quickly people.  He figured out the child safety locks in 20 minutes... the ones that took Dave 45 minutes to install.  He is extremely sensitive and I have to reason with him all of the time and discuss things and yesterday he had a meltdown for an hour because he didn't want to get himself dressed.  An hour.  I almost lost my shit 47 times in those 60 minutes as my sister will attest.  Tonight, he sprinkled parmesan cheese all over the kitchen and himself because he loves "sprinkle!  sprinkle!"  Yep.  Not always sunshine and roses.

Things internally have been screwy for me lately.  I wasn't kidding when I talked about feeling like I had adult ADD.  I have so much going on that I don't have time to myself to get centered, to feel at peace, to rest, or to do the 8.5 million other things I want to accomplish.  I hate feeling like my connection is gone, it screws with the person I am and affects everything.  In fact, I just spent 25 minutes looking for an old conversation on Facebook to illustrate my point even further about how my friends view me before giving up and relizing, it's just not that fucking important.  {If you're keeping track that is two F Bombs in one blog post.} I didn't shower today or get out of my pjs until 3:35 in the afternoon.  I just don't want to waste my time bitching about it or being negative about it, but know this, I am not always together.  I am human and you, or you, or even you over there who is a little stalkery again, aren't the only one that doesn't have it all together.

Why am I unloading all of this?  Simple.  I had a conversation last night that pointed out immediately that the person I am inside isn't always the person that the world is seeing, re-affirmed my need for rest, and aside from the obvious conversation we were having told me in no uncertain terms {your blocks SPFF} that I wasn't as in tune with things as I needed to be.  There were good things, but it was unsettling, those pieces that just weren't there and of course, hearing the obvious.  Things that I already had been telling myself about needing to slow down, needing to say no, needing to sleep, needing to just rest my thoughts seemed like glaring declarations of how far I've gotten off course when someone else, a perfect stranger, said them out loud.  I feel blessed to have had Georgie bring her to me just when I needed it most with this post and that she was kind enough, generous enough, to share her talent with me.

It was enlightening and fun and emotional.  We talked about so much, that I wished now that I had recorded the conversation.  The things I didn't understand, I wrote down after we got off the phone because maybe 6 months from now they will make sense and some already do this morning.  After we got through the reading, we talked for a few minutes.  She admitted that I was one of the hardest readings she has done in awhile, but didn't make me feel bad about it.  She is so calming and fun to talk to that I could imagine us staying in touch.  So, let's be friends Sassy Pants Freckle Face, ok??  I'm even alright not twitching too much with the fact that you hate most democrats, it makes you a little imperfect.

Have you ever had a reading?  Do you think it is a bunch of spiritual mumbo jumbo?  Do you believe in the universe guiding you through certain situations?  Do you think there are people who are intuatively gifted?  Are you skeptical?  Are you open to the possibility?  If you'd be interested in your own reading, please head over to her blog and leave a comment or send her an email and let her know that Michelle recommended that you do one yourself.  Do it quickly before she fills up!  And leave me a comment telling me how it went.

Oh, and even though I'm not perfect, I am still fabulous, no?

WFMW: Merging Traditions.

I started dating Dave during the Thanksgiving holiday only neither of us were really sure it was technically dating so much as he really liked me and I finally let him make out with me and then I took him to my work prom {aka: Holiday semi-formal dinner dance} and he danced like a jackass in front of the VP of my division and about every other company officer in attendance after a glass or two of scotch and we had the best time.  And then, we went to the bar all dressed up and I met his friends and he sang Bye Bye Bye in karoke, which I can never remember which one of the boy bands sings, but it was AWFUL and they did the hand motions and everything and I was pretty sure he was, in fact, gay and I laughed so hard that my face hurt the next day.  That first Christmas, I took him to meet my family and my mother and sister both told me that he was the man I would marry, but I was a commitment-phobe so I thought for sure they were lunatics and assured them that they were certifiable and I was not going to marry him.  And then BAM two years later, Thanksgiving brought an amazing and perfect ring to my finger and I'm still not even sure what the heck I was thinking because he still dances like a jackass and sprained his ankle this year at his sister's wedding while we were dancing to Shook Me All Night Long because well, we were kidless for the night and still, after all these years, have an amazingly good time together. 

Where was I?  Oh right, I tell you all of this because, while he was an amazing man and I fell for him, we come from VASTLY different Christmas traditions.  And I think because we were thrown into each other's holiday fire so early in our dating {Hello!  A month into dating??!?!} it made it even more pronounced, glaring in fact.  His family is a Norman Rockwell painting and mine is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.  I'm not even kidding.  I am pretty sure he wanted to run screaming from the house as the political debates began and the frenzy of dogs and kids and laughter and insanity ensued.  I wanted to run screaming from the house when everyone went quietly to the perfectly set table and made small talk and I and didn't sleep most of the night thanks to his Oma's super charged coffee, which he had failed to warn me about.  It was bizarre and uncomfortable for both of us.  But we got through it.  Barely.

The first year we were married, we sat down together and talked about what we both expected from the holidays.  We made decisions about how we could successfully spend time with each side of the family and have the time to enjoy it.  Did we want to alternate years with each family?  Did we want to go to our own family events without the other one?  Did we want to cut dinner with my family or with his?  Was it important to him to attend church with his family?  Was it important to wake up Christmas morning at my dad's house or would it be fine to just join everyone in the morning?   We talked about Christmas traditions, what was important to each of us, and it made more sense.  That year, we both enjoyed spending time with each others families a lot more.  We understood what the important pieces were and we made sure to accomodate each other to achieve a balance and have a good time together.  And you know, now the differences aren't so glaring.  Dave sees the sweet, family loving side to the Griswalds and I see that there is a little twinkle of mischief in the eye of his Norman Rockwell painting.  It's amazing what a little talking & compromise can do, and that works for me us.

Want tons of great holiday tips?  Head over to We Are That Family for Works For Me Wednesday!

Halloween Dessert Buffet

Just in case you didn't get it here, here, here, here, or here... I clearly have a problem love a good dessert buffet.   It all started with the candy buffet & frozen novelties in lieu of cake at our wedding.  And this was years ago before they were popular, I thought my mother was going to have a heart attack when she heard that, she even told Dave the morning of our wedding that we would be going home with all this damn candy, but she saw her folly when everyone was talking about it for ages afterward.  Sorry for my digression, back to the Halloween Candy Buffet!

Everything on this buffet was super super easy.  Don't believe me?  Everything was store bought & tweaked just a bit to make it a little different.  The skull sucker holder held caramel apple suckers, my fave fall treat.  Amanda made the amazing chocolate covered strawberries, they're her specialty and to die for.  She is probably sick of making them because I always assign them to her when she asks if she can bring anything.  The orange cutout cookies were bought & brought by my aunt.  The graveyard pudding cups were made by taking the lid off a pudding cup, adding some dirt {crushed oreos}, and a Milano cookie tombstone with RIP piped on it.  The mini pumpkin spice cupcakes I bought at Kroger and dipped into purple sanding sugar.  The spooky eyeball two bite brownies were purchased at Kroger.  Add a few buckets of candy bracelets with skulls on them and gobs of candy and you've got yourself a super EASY Halloween Dessert Buffet!

NaBloPoMo Craziness & Things I Am Looking Forward To... Welcome to November!

So, I have "blog every day for a month" right up there at #2 on my list of things to accomplish.  {By the way click over to check my progress!} I love the idea of participating in NaBloPoMo, but it's not happening.  I'm handing over So Wonderful, So Marvelous to some fabulous friends, blogger and non-blogger alike while I'm on a much needed vacation with my best boys.  I haven't finished asking everyone yet, but I can't wait to see what craziness these girls have in store for you while I'm away!  So, you'll have to enjoy all the NaBloPoMo buzz elsewhere in the blogosphere this month and just come here for the randomness that is GUEST POSTERS!  A little NaBloPoMo secret, my favorite posts happen toward the end of the month when everyone is tired of daily posting and would rather listen to their mother-in-law tell them how to raise their children with a smile on their face than to post.  another. damn.  thing.  but they continue to post anyway and it gets funny my friends.  If you're participating, let me know in a comment!

Aside from the trip & the guest posts, here is a list {in no particular order} of things I am looking forward to this month:

• The release of The Blind Side.  I can't even remember the last movie I saw in the theater, but this one, I am going to see.  I didn't know the story of Mike Oher until the previews for this movie started when I googled him and you guys, this is one of those stories that make me believe that the right things, the right places, the right people enter your life and make all the difference.
• Thanksgiving, of course.  The food, the family, the insanity.  I'm working on the table ideas already & can't wait to post them for you soon!
• Black Friday.  If you're new here, you'll soon learn that I'm one of those crazy people that do Black Friday up yearly... and drag my husband along for the fun.
• The greatest football rivalry evah... GO BUCKS.
• Celebrating the 2nd birthday of the most amazing little girl ever. 
• Helping Emily with her new house, if she ever gives me any ideas whatsoever to go on and a plan of what to tackle first.  Ha!
• I get my new sewing machine on Thursday.  Wow, I am going to be messing up all kinds of cute fabrics soon.  Any cute {beginner} ideas you can recommend for me?
• Secret Santa Soiree I can't wait to see who has me & I am furiously trying to think of goodies for mine!  I've already added her to my blog reader to keep up with her life & try to think of something fabulous to fill her mailbox with.  
• Best of all... My 400th post is fast approaching!  How should I celebrate? 

Whew.  It's gonna be a big month.  Let the fun begin!