Every Horror Movie Starts With a Turnoff…

11 April 2013

Dave:  How about we take 40 back to Lexington?  It’s the scenic route…

Me:  Because four and a half hours in the car with those maniacs is enough and we have to do it again tomorrow?  Adding any more time to that is nuts.

Dave: Yeah…

Me:  I’ll do it if you really want to, but dude…

Dave:  No, you’re right.

So it was decided that we’d take 75 like normal human beings.  Until we stopped for a great lunch in Knoxville and we temporarily lost our minds.

Orangina, sweet tea, and crepes will do that to you.


Half an hour later…

Dave:  Remember when I was talking about 40.  This is where it would have met up.

Me:  Oh, cool.

Dave:  If we get off here, we can go through the mountain in this huge tunnel.  I was looking at it on maps last night.  Then it will meet back up with 75.

Me:  I mean, if it’s not super far off the route, I don’t care.  Do you really want to do it?

Dave:  It’s a little longer.  It’s an adventure. 

Google Navigation:  Pull up to blah blah blah road and make a U-Turn

Google Navigation: Pull up to blah blah blah road 2 and make a U-Turn

Me:  Ha ha ha.  D, I think it wants us to make a U-Turn.  You know where you’re going, right?

Google Navigation: make a U-Turn here

Dave:  Yeah, it’s fine.  It’ll re-calculate soon.

Google Navigation: MAKE a U-Turn

Dave:  You could turn the voice off.

Google Navigation: For the love of God, turn your asses around, you will never survive this.  *only a slight exaggeration*

We finally pull onto this slightly small road and it finally re-calculates the route.

Me:  ok… hey wait… D?  We don’t have cell service. 

Dave:  Yeah, Michelle.  We’re in the middle of nowhere.  It’s scenic.

Me:  Um, we stay on this road, right?  Because I just lost the GPS signal.

Dave:  HOW do you lose a GPS signal on the top of a mountain?

Me:  And why are we on the top of a mountain, where is the tunnel???

Forty-five minutes of hairpin turns and car sickness and really really scary scary ‘houses’ in the middle of nowhere later… we are talking straight Deliverance here, no way we are stopping anywhere.  Also?  I’m not quite sure what the entire yard full of weird looking cages/traps was about…

090 104

So, Dave is apologizing profusely,  we have not been through a tunnel, and I’m sick, sending several panicked texts to my sister and Nikki when we FINALLY hooked back up with both a GPS signal and with 75.

I’ve never been so happy to see a highway in my life.

And for your viewing pleasure, I shot a video for you about fifteen minutes in… you know, before I wanted to vomit repeatedly all over the car.  It was mostly because I could see someone finding all our bodies somewhere and I wanted evidence that it was all Dave’s fault.  This right here is a good indication of how weird we both are, Dave’s fake southern accent is a bonus for your benefit because I assured him I’d be putting this on the internet. 


Unknown said...

Lol...love this! Glad you found your way home safe.

Yostee said...

That's frickin hysterical!!!! You 2 are very brave... It's one thing when it's the adults, but to add in the kids is a whole other story!!!!

Anonymous said...

Not a bad accent. I could give him a few pointers though! This was hilarious. Mr. Kell has a great Deliverance story traveling through East Texas.

Kelly @ turned UP to ELEVEN! said...

Google Voice: I hear banjos, please U TURN NOW!!!!

Those cages, most likely are for hunting dogs, and or hunting prey. Like Raccoons. How do I know this? I dated a few hunters (i.e. rednecks) in my 20's. And I now live in Alabama.. transplant from Maryland (I dated the rednecks in Maryland) ;)

The cages could also be coops for chickens, but my bet is on hunting dogs or raccoons :)

Glad you made it home ok! And no one had to squeal like a pig.

Michelle said...

OMG Kelly... they were probably for wild animals. They were all individually spaced throughout the yard and looked homemade out of all kinds of materials. They weren't really big enough for a dog. And there were probably 30-40 of them!

Kim Moore said...

Love this.... I like that he can laugh at his mistake with the Southern twangy voice

Bunny @ 86n It said...

Oh Route 25. Gotta love it!

Just A Normal Mom said...

Ha! The making of road trip stories that will be repeated for years to come. :) Sorry about the motion sickness, though, that is the worst!

Ashley said...

I'm betting those cages are for fighting cocks. Actually I will guarantee it. It's a very popular yet illegal sport. Welcome to my world all the damn time.

Jackie said...

So sad we could not meet up when you were in NC (we will have to catch up soon with the why) Dave is hilarious! Miss you and wish I was better at phone calling....

the cape on the corner said...

this must have been super scary. in fact, i know it is super scary, myself having gone on a road to nowhere for 2 hours whilst on vacation in las vegas. the road, called buck and doe road was on the gps. it was supposed to take us to the north entrance to the grand canyon, b/c we were too cheap to enter at the south and pay. 2 hours of zig zagging, no car or person in sight, on what might be indian reservation land we aren't sure we should really be travelling on, in a rental car, no less. let's just say when we finally emerged onto a highway and went to a restaurant and learned where the heck we were, we were told no one, not even the locals, take that road. also, we had to wash the car before we returned it b/c it was quite clear we had an off road adventure which violated the rental code. woopsie!

Jessica @ Wanting Adventure said...

Oh my gosh, that video is the best! His accent is spot on, clearly. ;) I can't believe you lost the GPS signal! I would have been freaking out.

@JessEsco said...

Are you sure it wasn't my Siri that was driving?

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