One of the most interesting things about marriage, well any relationship really, is how people handle disagreement. I think it’s one of the most important things in a marriage to be able to resolve conflict. It is also one of the toughest.
I am a yeller. A blow up fast, and over it just as fast kind of girl. For someone that is a calm discusser or an avoider, I’m sure it would not be fun to have an argument with me.
Are you a bottle it up and hold it in kind of girl? Do you stew about it? Or think about it before you speak? Do you hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs? Are you a grudge holder? Do you pretend something has magically gone away, swept right under the rug? Are you passive aggressive? Do you take a deep breath? Do you run away? Or walk away until you are calm?
That Dave of mine is a stew about it kind of guy. He’s pretty good about not stewing for long. In our house, it is easier for us to deal with things quickly and get over them. Not only for me because I hate to hold it in, but for Dave because sometimes simple misunderstandings have time to escalate.
We’re not a couple that likes to sit calmly and exchange lists of what is bugging us. Our neighbors probably wish that we were sometimes. I always find it so interesting when people can walk away and come back to an argument a few hours later. HOW do you manage to do that?
Do you apologize?
We apologize to each other. If you are someone that knows me well, you will understand just how incredibly difficult this is for me. I don’t like to be wrong. Ever. But sometimes I am, and when I am, I admit it. Apologizing is something I had to learn. It is still a struggle, don’t get me wrong. It’s something that Dave does and makes me feel incredibly loved. It is amazing to me how I can be softened by a simple, “I am so sorry I took my bad day out on you. I love you.”
Tell me about your relationship. What kind of arguer are you? Are your arguing styles compatible?