Two.

20 November 2012

Two years ago, I was seven and a half weeks pregnant with Tate after a whole crazy fertility journey that took more out of Dave and I than I care to admit.  We had told a handful of people.  We were planning on telling our families on Thanksgiving.

I took my Meme to the store to shop for her famous stuffing ingredients.  I was happily making plans to put together the tables.  I couldn’t wait to hit the stores for Black Friday. 

The morning before Thanksgiving, I woke up and things didn’t feel right.  I thought it was pregnancy nausea.  Finn had crawled into bed with me that morning when Dave left for work and had fallen back asleep.  I made it ten steps to the bathroom before figuring out that something was very very wrong. 

I was on the floor seconds after having that thought.

A lot of the details are fuzzy after that and it is just now gotten to the point that Dave and I can talk about it.  Before, when I’d ask, he’d get that uncomfortable tone that meant he’d curtly answer my questions and he didn’t want to re-live any of it.

I screamed for Finn.  He was three at the time, he stayed really calm even though I could tell he was upset.  He brought me the phone and I managed to dial Dave. 

In hindsight, I should have just dialed 9-1-1, but I remember thinking they would have had to breakdown the door because Finn didn’t know how to open the lock and I didn’t know what they would do with Finn.  I don’t remember any of what I said to Dave on the phone, but he said that he knew something was wrong as soon as I started talking.  He left work and sped home, calling my mom and then my RE {fertility doc} on the way.

I either passed out on the phone with him or right after.  Then, I managed to crawl into the shower.  Again, hindsight that was the stupidest thing I could have done, but I thought icy water would prevent me from passing out again.  That wasn’t the case apparently because when Dave got home, that is where he found me.  The doctor’s office told him to get me to the hospital immediately.

I remember him helping me try to stand up and get out of the shower.  I remember not even fathoming being able to get in the car to go to the hospital.  I was trying to work it out in my head how I could do it and I think it was then that Dave had told me the paramedics would be there any second, he had already called 9-1-1.  My next thought was that I didn’t have any clothes on and I was afraid my friend Chad would be the paramedic responding.  Dave pulled a sundress over my head.  It was thirty degrees out and I was soaking wet from the cold shower.  I had no bra, no socks, no underwear even.

Now that time has passed, all of this is funny to me.  That my thought was about my friend seeing me naked is ridiculous.  I realize that this is probably a really weird coping mechanism and obviously, things could have ended differently.  Dave still doesn’t find it funny, but he’s the one that remembers everything with a clear head, so I try to be sensitive to that.

I was trying to joke with the paramedics even though the situation was clearly not funny.  I remember being on the stretcher.  I couldn’t tell you what they looked like, but I remember them being so kind to me.  Our friend across the street saw what was going on, my cousin passed our house and saw the ambulance and called, at some point my mom arrived to take Finnegan and I was oblivious.   I have no idea if the sirens were even on.  I do remember that with every pothole in the street we’d go over, it felt like someone was stabbing me in the uterus and then I’d lose consciousness again.

We got to the ER and I remember Dave was there seconds after we arrived.  He told me later that he drove eighty the entire way.  They gave me Morphine and even that wasn’t touching the pain.  They hooked me up to an IV.  They put an oxygen mask on because my levels were all over the place.  They gave me drugs so I wouldn’t throw up from the pregnancy nausea.  I don’t have any clue how many doctors had come in.  There were ER docs, surgical consults, residents, my RE’s partner, and an anesthetist.   After a few bags of fluid and nothing coming out, they had to put a catheter in.  The pain was so bad that I didn’t even feel it.  Oh, here is a fun fact, for some reason every time I would lay flat, I felt like I was suffocating and the stabbing pain shot up my chest.  So have you ever tried to put a catheter in when you aren’t laying flat? 

There are some things that my poor husband can not un-see.

They asked Dave if he had a copy of my living will.  They knew I was bleeding internally, but couldn’t agree why.  They knew that my hemoglobin levels were at a point where they would need to make a decision about a blood transfusion.  They prepped me for surgery.  I knew that if they did surgery to figure out what was making me bleed that I would likely lose the pregnancy that we had been dreaming of for a year.  A nurse who was with me the entire day, she was the one that talked the surgery team into waiting and trying some non-invasive ways of figuring out just what was going on.  She probably saved the pregnancy. 

They did two ultrasounds that I sobbed uncontrollably through because they were so painful.  They were able to rule out gall bladder, appendix, ectopic pregnancy.  They figured out that I had a burst corpus luteum, made worse by the ovarian hyper stimulation I had because of the fertility drugs.  It was the size of a lime on my ovary, the RE told me it was the biggest he had seen, and just getting out of bed ruptured it.  {Here is the jist.}  It caused a hemorrhage into my abdomen that thankfully slowed enough on its own after twelve hours of bleeding that they could hold off on surgery.

We were in the ER for ten hours before they admitted me.  My husband only stepped out once in ten hours to make a call to my mom, I think because he didn’t want me to hear how scared he was.  He had his hand on me the entire time, holding my hand, touching my hair, moving around so he wasn’t in the way of anyone doing their job.  I remember him crying in the ER and Dave never cries, he told me much later that at that point he was pretty sure that it was going to end badly. 

I was there for three days, I missed Thanksgiving, I barely remember any of the hospital stay.  We went to visit my sister in law in the hospital this summer and Dave told me I was right across the hall and I had zero recollection.  I came home and slept 16-20 hours a day and round the clock babysitters, walking to the living room had me exhausted, I wasn’t allowed to lift anything over a pound or two, no sex, nothing strenuous whatsoever for weeks until they were positive that it wouldn’t hemorrhage again. 

If you’ve made it through this ridiculous tome, I will send drinks to your house.  It has been on my mind all week.  Obviously, you know I’m just as whackadoo as ever, so it all turned out ok in the end.  It sure made me more thankful for the end result.

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21 comments:

Jessica @ Acting Adult said...

Wow. I remember something happening around that time, but I really had no idea what had happened. My goodness. I can't imagine going through something like that! Thank goodness Dave was there and that you came through it all.

Anonymous said...

So I don't know you other than the moments I spend reading your blog at work. And here I am, crying my eyes out, grateful that you are ok and able to laugh things off. You have a lot to be grateful for!

Thanks for sharing your very personal story.

Tawny said...

I remember when this happened. I was so happy when you told us everything was ok.

It just shows you that little Tate was determined to be here.

*hugs*

Happy Thanksgiving!

Noelle said...

Love you! I knew it was bad but I'm balling reading this!

wesley's mom (sue) said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one crying. How awful for you guys. It definitely puts things in perspective.

Hope you have a great Thanksgiving!

Sarah said...

I remember when something crazy happened last year, but to read it like this really is terrifying! I am so grateful that you and Tate are both here and that you are able to share your world with us!

Anonymous said...

To my oldest baby,
This is a time I don't ever want to revisit...and am grateful that I didn't know the gravity of it until much later (after I brought you your Thanksgiving dinner on Friday and badgered your poor doctor about his partner). What I am THANKFUL for is I am having dinner with both your sister and you this Thursday. And for my son-in-law who is Godlike in my eyes (not just for putting up with you but for saving you) and is loved like a son by me and my grandson and granddaughter, who all saved your life. After relaying this story I remember a friend telling me that both your children saved your life that day, Finn with a phone and Tate because they didn't do surgery...and he was right.
So don't sweat the small things and make sure you keep the masses in food and fodder and focused on the fun! Your gift is incredible, even though I don't understand why anyone would want to read about your life and your crazy family.
love your mom

Kim Moore said...

Oh my Michelle. THANK YOU for sharing this. I sit here crying because I am thankful it worked out for you. I am extremely happy you and Tate are okay. I have been where you were and I know how traumatic that feeling is so thank you again.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Megan said...

Wow, this is an incredible story. Thank you for sharing with us. I'm sure it's been a surreal week for you, for sure.

Kelly said...

I remember when this happened and how terrified I was for you, I love you and I am so glad everything turned out ok, You are one of the strongest people I know and my life would be so different if I had never known you or had you around.<3<3 Thank you for sharing this story, I know how hard it must have been. (((HUGS))

C Barnes said...

I'm crying and I don't like to cry. I remember something going on with you via your blog. I'm so glad everything turned out well and you have your beautiful Tate and amazing family. Now where's my Big Ass Box of Summer?! ...That's what you get for making me tear up reading your blog :)

Sara @ Russet Street Reno said...

This story is crazy. I'm so glad everyone was fine , what a horrible experience. I would've tried to make jokes, too...you just deal with things the only way you can.

Nita said...

Thank God you're still here to entertain us my friend.

lizzyerd said...

God Bless You and your family, sounds like you have many guardian angels watching over you. Thank you for sharing.

Just A Normal Mom said...

Okay, I was a little teary reading this, and then I read your mom's comment and that was it. I'm off to find tissues because I can barely see the screen now. I'm thankful for your awesome husband, your awesome family, and that you were in the best hands that day, from Finn, to Dave, to that special nurse and all the others.

Sara said...

Whoa. I had no idea you went through that. I'm so grateful you and Tate are here.

Jessica @ TheCrazyChaoticHouse said...

I totally remember this. So grateful you and Tate made it through and all is well. Poor Dave.....I can't imagine what he was going through.

Stacey said...

So thankful you & Tate were ok! Reading it gives me goosebumps.

Lori said...

With tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, I am so thankful you're here, friend. :)

Bunny @ 86n It said...

That was the scariest time ever. I'm so happy to have you and Tate here with us.

Mary Anne Daley said...

Amazing! Scary! So happy you are still with us and writing! God bless :)

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