50 Shades of WTF + A Giveaway.

30 April 2012

I just read 50 Shades of Grey.  I thought about reading it after my two sisters talked non-stop about the books.  They were raving about how much they were sucked in and couldn’t put the trilogy down.  There were tales of text conversations between the two of them that they were not eating or sleeping because they couldn’t stop reading. 

I really didn’t feel like reading the book.  Three-quarters of you might hate me for this statement, but I am going to say it anyway… I wasn’t a fan of Twilight.  OK, wait, I WAS a fan of Twilight, I blazed through the first two books, but then I got half way through the third book and hated it.  So, I put it down and didn’t look back.   Every time I talk to a Twi-Hard they look at me, mouths agape at the tragedy of this.  Let’s add insult to injury here and say that Robert Pattison freaks me the fuck out, he looks like a creep so I haven’t watched the movies either.  No matter how many times my sister Elise calls him a dimepiece, he still reminds me of a dirty carnie. 

Where was I?

Oh yes, so all of the hype was that this was Twilight inspired fan fiction.  Which obvs?  I wanted to avoid like the plague.  Initially I thought it was another vampire book.  So, I didn’t get the book.  I ignored the hype blazing all over the internet.  And then, didn’t get the book some more.

And then my sister said my MOM was going to read it.  So, I felt legally obligated to read it because hello?  My mother reading smut?  It’s like hell hath frozen over, my friends.

I caved.

Dave went to pick up the book Friday night after I asked all of you your thoughts on Facebook.  He also came home laughing that the book was in the romance section.  Here he was, a dude perusing the romance section on a Friday night, he’s pretty sure it cost him his man-card.

I cracked it open and started reading.

The book sucks, people. 

Yes, the sex is totally hot and the story is decent, if totally unbelievable.  BUT, it’s so poorly written that I can’t get past the inconsistencies and half-thoughts.  I’m pretty sure the grammar would send my friend Emily right over the edge.

It is as bad as reading this blog… yeah, THAT bad. 

I mean if you take it for what it is, which is p0rn, you’re good.  But if you’re expecting an actual book because you’ve paid money and someone has actually published and {you assume} EDITED the thing… well, you’d be better off surfing the 6,270,000 p0rn fiction sites on the net and get your goods for free.  Yes, I Googled, there are that many.  Who knew?

You all have assured me that the second book is so much better, so I am borrowing a copy and giving it a chance.  I do want to see how the story ends, but I’m hoping the second doesn’t have me tearing my hair out.

And so you don’t have to buy it, I’m passing my copy on to one of you!  This is a quickie {much like the sex between Christian and Ana} leave a comment and I will pick a winner tomorrow night (5/1) at 11:59 pm.

 

THE WINNER IS KAREN, COMMENT #7…. Well, really it was Emily Comment #1, but she didn’t want it…. then it was LaurenLeigh Comment#11, but she’s already reading it.   But then it was KAREN!

31 comments:

Emily said...

I KNEW there was a reason I refused to read this book! (Well, beside the whole Twilight association...I agree with you about the Twilight series (though I read all of them) and Pattinson - blech!)

Also, don't' want the book. Just wanted to voice my hate for all things sparkly vampire.

emili said...

I'm curious to see what all the hubbub is about... I'm in for the book giveaway!

Sarah said...

lol I've never even read twilight

Molly Hinkel said...

Robert Pattinson IS a dimepiece! But he is also a dirty carnie, have you seen/read Water for Elephants?

Rachael Salahat said...

Someone is drinking haterade this morning! And Michelle Im pretty sure you talk almost exactly the same way the book does. And I quote " mouths agape". Sounds like it came right out of the book! Lol if this wasn't so hyped up I'm almost positive you would have it enjoyed it as much as we did!

Natalie said...

You totally crack me up. I do couldn't get through the twilight books either, I was done after the 2nd. Anyways, it is funny you posted this because I was thinking just today I need to go out and pick up this book. I know you know me more then most people, do you think I will love it or hate it too? I am thinking with my mind....loving it. lol Miss ya!

Karen said...

I feel like I have to read it, just because of the hype! Twilight movies = waterboard torture to me. The books were ok, but Pattinson is just not my style!

Noelle said...

Lmao! It seems like everywhere I turn women are talking about this series. I kinda wanna check it out to see what the hype is but I don't wanna spend the $$. If I win it I will gladly pass it along to the next interested entrant!

Nate, Cassie, Calandra, Carleigh said...

I always wait before getting into the newest popular thing... books, tv shows, whatever... which means that I either watch it later in shame and don't like it, or I totally jump on the bandwagon when people are starting to get off! I just watched Vampire Diaries, didn't read Twilight until a couple years after it was popular (and hated the movies) and while I liked the Hunger Games movie, I still haven't read the book. I'm getting ready to start watching Mad Men soon.

Samantha said...

I'm dying to know what all the fuss is about, but I've heard some bad things too(like your review) so i'd love to win a copy instead of paying for one. ;)

laurenleigh214 said...

22 pages left to go in book 1. At first I just knew it would have to live up to the hype. There was a whole 20/20 segment about it for christ sakes! The last few pages better capture my curiosity or else I will just have find some other slop to read while my child digs away in his sandbox =0

Tricia said...

Michelle: I don't think I want to read it for the simple fact that my mom IS reading it. I don't think that I could stand it if she wanted to discuss it with me. Tricia

P.S. I still haven't read the Twilight books and I totally agree with you about the RobPat dude.

Jessica @ Acting Adult said...

I've heard a bunch of people talking about this book and I will probably add it to my "to read" list. I'm always up for some fun reading.

Mrs. Sowerby said...

I have only vaguely heard of it. Now that I have your review, don't send it to me! I thought the Twilight books weren't great reading. I read them because so many of my students were into them and I like to know what they are talking about-the same thing got me into The Hunger Games-but I hate a poorly written book. I barely have time to read my book club books right now...let alone something that sucks.


Why are people talking about it so much???

Meg @ House Notes said...

I could not agree more!

I just can't even get into this series. First of all, this Grey guy is a total prick. He's controlling, he's moody as hell and he talks down to her. Am I the only one who feels he's a few years away and one bad fight from being physically abusive??

Meanwhile, this Anastasia girl sounds like she's 12. They almost have a Dad/Daughter relationship that totally freaks me out.

Not to mention, the guy has no sense of humor. Their witty banter is just awkward. To me, humor is everything....and who wants to constantly walk on egg shells because you never know when you're going to piss your boyfriend off? He's scary as hell! Maybe I'm too vanilla, but the S&M shit didn't do it for me either.

My favorite series of books are Sookie Stackhouse (True Blood) and Stephanie Plum. I love that these women are so independent, brave, hilarious and doing their own thing. They just happen to have hot alpha males in their lives that are drawn to them. That's my kind of leading lady!

Elise said...

Give it to me.

Sonya said...

I totally agree with you! I only read the first Twilight book and only because I had to read it for a library class. It was awful and I didn't even consider reading the others. And the movie just made me laugh! I swear with the white look to it that it was shot in "vampirescope" ha!

I've read all the opinions on 50 Shades and I just don't have any interest. I couldn't stand Twilight's awful writing then there is no way I'd enjoy another series of crappy writing.

I have no interest in your copy of the book but I just had to share my opinion! :)

Amanda said...

I just added this to my "must read" list but now I'm wondering... Winning it would be great so I won't risk feeling like I wasted my money :) (And also, wow, fast reader!)

Carrie M. said...

I am also dying to check this book out. I have no interest in the Twilight series or the movies. I cannot get into vampires. I also have no interest in zombies, a spicy novel, YES PLEASE! Have you ever read Pleasure by Eric Jerome Dickey? I swear I was blushing the whole time I read the book. I could not put it down and finished it in roughly 13 hours. Awesome read and well written.

Yostee said...

I have never read the Twilight series, The Hunger Games or this series. Apparently, I suck at life!! Anyway, I was really strongly considering this one. I mean, it's all over - facebook, TV, etc. Hell, Dr. Oz even did a full episode devoted to this series. HOWEVER, now you, Michelle, have rained on this parade. Do I jump on the bandwagon or do I believe what you wrote and save my money. Chances are, I will read it in about 10 years when I actually have time to read :o)

P.S. I still have The Happiness Project & I Love Everyone and Other Atrocious Lies from your Reading Rainbow post to read. I had to go out and buy these books because they seemed so fun. I will get to them - eventually!

Christine said...

I am so with you on the Robert Pattison thing. I just don't get it. The writing left me less than impressed as well. As for 50 Shades, I'm sure we'll agree but I'm curious!

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

This cracked me up... a lot! The way you described Twilight is exactly why I've never touched a book and I totally agree with you on the whole Robert thing... I got sucked into Hunger Games, yeah I'm way too old but still... sucked into it I got.

The way you describe this series makes me totally want to win the book ;) hehe. But you have made me more curious than anyone - I like a challenge!

Michelle said...

OK, I have to update and say that the second is much better and actually has a plot. She also better about the continuity.

Just A Normal Mom said...

You don't have to enter me in the contest, because I really don't think I want the book. Considering the size of my reading pile, I don't know if I want to have to read the first one just to get the second where there is finally a plot!

To add more shock on that statement - I didn't read the Twilight series - I thought the first book was poorly written and never got past the first few pages. I saw the first movie. And Robert Pattison does absolutely nothing for me.

I'm probably going straight to reading hell for those two statements. *hangs head in shame*

:)

Anonymous said...

Ok first of all, my sister is a book snob LOL. 2nd I hate to read and was done with all three books in 4 days, and will admit I am going to reread them when I get my copies back. 3rd the only two things they have in common with Twilight is 1- love story 2- it's series of books. 4th Michelle is right the writing is not great, she writes like she prob talks but if you know that it's easier to read. 5th the sex was awesome no doubt LOL, but it was the story and their relationship that was interesting..... It could also be that loved it because I am single and Mr. Gray is the type of guy I would totally go out with LOL.... My suggestion is to at least read the first book, if you don't like the content then the first book is a good place to stop. The book was not what I had expected. This book is one you need to form your own opinion about. People who I thought would love it have not liked it (my sister LOL) and people who I thought the content would totally put them off have loved it. It is not for everyone that is for sure.... Now as far as Robert is concerned, ummmmmmmm don't be vampire hating LMAO :0)... Twilight is a teenish book as well as Hunger Games, Fifty Shades well,is extremely adult... Hunger Games- loved the books hated the movie. Twilight- wasn't real into the books but loved the movies.... Give it a chance it might surprise you ---- Queen of the Night OUT (Michelle's Sister)

Tawny said...

I want to read it just to find out if it will make me wake up my husband in the middle of the night. Probaly not, but I am sticking with it.

AnnMarie said...

I'd gladly take the book that the Davester had to go out in public and in the romance section to buy....he even lost his man card....that book should be on top of a trophy somewhere...

Laura said...

Just want to see what all the fuss is about! I'm 300th on my libraries waiting list for this book!

Jessica @ TheCrazyChaoticHouse said...

Ok I have to get this book and see what the hype is about. I have heard so many people talking about it. Its everywhere!!!!

seriouslysassymama.com said...

I totally read all three books in three days. It is one of my secret talents. Speed reading. I thought they were not written well either, but, I do enjoy reading some romantic porn every now and then. lol

Anonymous said...

I read to page 121 and said fuck it and never went back to it. what a terrible terrible "novel"

Post a Comment

Thanks so much for taking the time to add your thoughts! Comments are moderated, so if they don't get published immediately, don't despair.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
*