Summer Guest Blogger Friday! It's Brittany from Barefoot Foodie!

23 July 2010
I'm hazarding a wild guess here that you probably know {and may even harbor a girl crush on} Brittany from Barefoot Foodie.  Don't go over there expecting delectable treats though unless by treats I mean Bourbon Slushies, make up a big ass batch of those and read her archives.  If you've been ignoring your Kegels, you may just pee a little from laughing.  You've been warned.  She has just launched a new website Brittany, Herself and is also co-founder of Aiming Low.  She is a big shot fancy pants all over these here interwebs and she is my friend.  {OK, so I may have hated her for two weeks in 2007 when she gave birth two weeks early and I was a week overdue...}  I would also like to say that I can not be held liable for anything she decides to share with you.  Ahem, here's Brittany!


It's hot.


Too hot for me to pretend that I'm going to share any sort of recipe with you that doesn't involve drinking a tumbler of margarita while standing in front of an open fridge door in my underwear.


So, I ordered in, and, instead, will talk to about something way more important than food, politics, religion, or even this mythical oil spill everyone keeps clamoring on and on about.


Dolphins dying of mysterious black goo seeping from a hole in the bottom of the ocean?


Where are we? Hogwarts?


No, this is way more significant.


My television.


I get attached to things really easily. I don't like change. I get angry when people get all up in my normal and fuck with things.


Namely. TV Networks.


They axe all my favorite tv shows and replace them with pretend reality dating shows, and shows about switching spouses or making fun of fat people.


I can do all that shit on my own for free.


I want a well written, fictional story line, covering the stuff I don't already see each weekend in the anti-itch cream aisle of Walmart.


I can't list for you the sheer number of shows I morn on a daily basis, because I'm too drunk to find my list, but here are some of my favorites...


My So Called Life. Confession. I dyed my hair red and got a bob just like Angela Chase. I dated our school's version of Jordan Catalano. This show was my life. Even when my boyfriend cheated on me after we made out in the school parking lot, with a non red-headed, non flannel shirt wearing cheerleader, and told everyone I wouldn't go past first base and I kissed like a fish, I still swooned over Jordan. Although, in an ironic turn of events, at our 10 year reunion, my ex-boyfriend, much like Jared Leto, turned out to be a complete douche bag, and I'm pretty sure they both have gonorrhea and small penises. So, in the end I guess I win. Life lesson? Date Brian Krakow.


The Nanny. Ok, now wait. I already know what you are gonna say, but you're wrong. This show was amazing. The story lines were consistently strong, it was funny, the theme song was catchy, her boobs were real, her hair was frizzy, in fact, SPOILER ALERT, the show didn't even jump the shark when Fran and Mr. Sheffield got married and had twins. They were basically the original Ross and Rachel. Only instead of we were on a break, they had, he took it back. Which, in my opinion, is waaay more assy and dramatic. In fact, the only thing I don't miss about The Nanny? Man-child Brighton's awkward bald spot. Sigh. I wonder if he's dead, lemme google it.......no, not dead. Bald, but still totally breathing. I totally had him confused with the kid from Ladybugs. He died. Right? Ugh, wait........yes. Dead.


Dirty, Sexy, Money.  OMG the series finale of this show was...OH WAIT. They didn't air the series finale. They just canceled it. No answers, or tying up of the storylines, or closure. I need closure. I need things wrapped up with bows and happiness. Not me doing the walk of shame the next day with old mascara and my panties balled up in my pocket, wondering what the fuck just happened. I want my congressional-tranny wedding. I want Juliette to come back from her real life rehab stint/island in the middle of fucking nowhere story line and be awkwardly touchy with her twin brother. I want Nick to pretend that Karen doesn't look 50 and menopausal, and that she could totally, logically, be carrying the baby of her father's ex business partner who has some weird obsession with glass swans and likes to kidnap underage Asian boys. HOW IS WIPE OUT BETTER THAN THIS SHOW!?


Dead Like Me. This hurts the most. Not because they ended it before any of my questions were answered. Not because they replaced it with that stupid show Huff, that nobody watched and was canceled after 5 seconds (Hello!? Everyone knows Hank Azaria is the poor man's Mandy Patinkin). Or because it was a complete waste of a truly unique and well written show. It hurts because they did the worst thing imaginable. They made a straight to DVD, post series movie. You know, to tie things up. Only, half the cast was missing, the story line was horrific, and OMG I PAID AMERICAN DOLLARS FOR IT. Life After Death was the worst DVD ever made, second only to Weekend at Bernies II. Or anything Eddie Murphy was in after Beverly Hills Cop 2. And now? It's ruined. My brain can never go back to when the show was good, I am stuck in the alternate universe where everything sucks and puppies die for no reason at all. Fuck you, Showtime. The oil spill is probably just the planet crying over how you massacred Dead Like Me. Even Earth hates you.


See!?


Now I'm all upset.


I'm going to go drink in front of my open fridge until the fat people on Wipe Out start to look like CC Babcock.

16 comments:

Amanda said...

I loved the 'secret' affair CC Babcock and Nigel carried on for years...

Michelle said...

I am STILL pissed about Dirty, Sexy, Money. Even Dave liked that one!

Brittany said...

Ok I literally woke up and had to come read this, because I wrote it in twenty minutes yesterday during a tornado and delirious heat wave headache, but I wanted to give it to you before 9pm, because I am assuming that you don't stay up til 3am and then post things on the internet that may or may not make sense after a bottle of moscato?

So. Yeah.

I also wanted to give honorable mention to Men In Trees, October Road, What About Brian, Freaks & Geeks...um...

The Dyer Family said...

pushing daisies
violently ripped from me too soon. network bastards.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

effing effer Dirty Sexy Money. I LOVED that show. And My So Called Life is pretty much the all-time best example of a show not given a chance.

RIP Jordan Cattalano

Kathryn said...

ditto re My So Called Life & Dirty Sexy Money and add that am I ever glad that I never heard of that Dead Like Me DVD because I just don't think I could handle having that show ruined

Mama4Real said...

I'm with ya. Arrested Development, Flash Forward, Studio 60, the list GOES. ON. Nothing but anger.

brandilouwho said...

I LOVED Dead Like Me. I have the two seasons on DVD and love going back to watch them. I too was depressed when it ended. :(

Sarah said...

October Road is the tv version of the movie Beautiful Girls - which is the best movie!

Lianne said...

Because you said this, "Everyone knows Hank Azaria is the poor man's Mandy Patinkin" I am officially in love with you.

Summer TV is a wasteland of bad reality shows. Of course, I say that as I wait expectantly for The Bachelorette every Monday. I have been sucked into the vortex.

Chelsea said...

Freaks and Geeks....I LOVED that show..:( I used to love the Nanny....classic show...and did you ever Catch the Dead like Me movie they made...bhahha its awful. Don't waste your time with it.

<3

Anonymous said...

Yes, Flash Forward was the best.

lo said...

I LOVE Dead Like Me! I also have the Life after Death DVD sitting in my room somewhere waiting for me to watch it but now I'm scared. It's like Pandora's Box though now...

lo said...

Forgot to add if you like Dead Like Me you should look up Wonderfalls. Really great also and just one season unfortunately.

Mommy Lisa said...

I quit saying which shows I liked because I was convinced ABC and NBC were cancelling my favorites out of spite.

I forget how I got to you? Maybe Brittany? Hmmmm....which came first Brittany or Michelle? ;)

LOVED The Nanny!

the cape on the corner said...

oh god, i love love love my so called life, and i must go tell this blogger!

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