08 December 2008
On Saturday, my mom conned us into asked us to go with them to pick out a Christmas tree. You know, like on an actual farm where the trees are still standing and chainsaw weilding maniacs chase you help you cut down your very own tree. She also conned asked my sister and her family into coming. Family freaking bonding time, my friends. Bonding.

So we were supposed to get snow the night before and woke up to a whole lot of brown and dreary, but not any of the fluffy white stuff. That is to say, until we decided to leave for the 30 minute drive, when mother nature decided to reign down an inch of the fluffy white stuff. Perfect for a slick drive on country roads... did I mention that it was the first snow of the year and people are fucking idiots driving like they haven't ever driven in snow before. Oh, AND Finnegan decided to throw a fit because he wanted Gigi, so I rode out to BFE in the PW (pussy wagon) which is my step-dad's beat up, duct taped mirrors, no radio, bumpy ass, old pick up truck with my coffee rattling around.

We then traipsed through the frozen tundra Whitehouse Christmas Tree Farm looking for the perfect tree. Finnegan was frozen solid despite his warm layers and Aunt Lyndsey's scarf. He could barely see with the snow flying and wind howling... he needed someone on each side of him just to walk. The rest of those ass clowns family members left us in the dust and went running to find the perfect tree.

They finally found the perfect one and called out to us to traipse further into the woods. Turns out that someone else was coming back to get that particular tree and my mom graciously told them to take it. You know, Christmas spirit and all. We then had a family vote on which of the other trees to bring home decided on a beautiful 9.5 foot tree.

So they kill the beautiful tree that never hurt anyone cut down the tree. Shake all the critters out. Yes, they shake the hell out of that tree on their shaking machine so whatever may have made its home in there is evicted before you take it home. Then they shove it through the netting thing so it's all bundled for you.

I'm secretly hoping for a critter stow away. You know, to make Christmas a little more interesting.

There she is, all bundled and ready for a ride in the PW.

Off to the biker bar we go. I am not even kidding. And if you knew (my mom) Gigi and Papa (step-dad), you would think this is even funnier.

The food was awesome though. Nothing like some fried pickles, huge burgers, and fries to mend some frozen toes. Oh and beer. Lots of beer. And watching Gigi "angry coloring" with the grandkids was pretty amusing too.


Emily said...

'Tis the season for family fun. Hopefully you don't get conned, er, asked, again next year.

Michelle said...

And then... this arrives from my mom:

If there is a critter….I’m going to have Britt, kill it, stuff it and put it in your STOCKING….
Fa, la , la, la , FREAKING, la

Grace said...

Sounds like a scene from National Lampoon's Christmas vacation, i am a tad jealous. I am definitely hoping for the critter inicident, sorry Janet, but that would be a perfect ending for your outing. Didi you have "mystery jello" for dessert at the biker bar?

Jackie said...

That was the funniest damn thing I have read in a while...oh the things you miss when you actually live in the frozen tundra...

Mama said...

wow, sounds like loads of fun! Poor little Finn.

britt said...

Wasnt that bad out... 20 degrees , winds 15-20 mph... FOund a good tree and ate great food... Why am i on critter removal and killing duty??

Amy said...

Hilarious post, Michelle!

Kelly said...

Hah, I love this post! At least your mom came out with a nice tree! =0)

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