If you need an ego boost watch Judge Judy.

31 January 2011 | 8 Comments

Have you ever watched this show?  I’m not quite sure why, other than the train wreck that kept me watching, and the fact that I was spending an afternoon flat on my back on the couch that made me watch in the first place, but I feel like I’ve lost an hour of my life. 

My absolute favorite thing, other than feeling better about myself is the facial expressions that the bailiff has while he’s passing things to the judge.  The shit he witnesses is nothing short of a circus of midgets that marry each other’s sister’s mother’s cousin.  He probably feels better about himself on a daily basis too.  How could you not?

Friends that hate each other, leases left because your girlfriend’s mother {ACK!} moves in, hair weaves gone wrong, people meeting online and jilted when the troll looking woman marries another person and yet continues to be ‘engaged’ to the original guy.  I’m telling you, it’s a treasure trove for feeling good about yourself.

How was your weekend?

Weird Stuff I Eat When Pregnant.

28 January 2011 | 23 Comments

Oranges by the bag.

Coleslaw & sea salt potato chips.  Together.  Usually like the coleslaw is the dip for the chips, but sometimes just a few crunched on top.

Salads with a Japanese ginger dressing that I begged & pleaded talked my favorite sushi place into selling to me by the quart.

Pizza doused with Frank’s Red Hot sauce.

Copious amounts of Tums Smoothies {way better than the original chalky stuff} to deal with aftermath of the Frank’s Red Hot.

Smoothies.  The real kind.  By the blender-full.  Right now it’s anything involving strawberries, pineapple, and cream of coconut.

Ice from the grocery store, full to the top in every beverage I consume. Everything. Must. Be. Ice. Cold. When I’m not pregnant, the maximum number of ice cubes in my water is two.  Dave is pretty sure that my drinking ice filled beverages are a sign of the apocalypse.

Plus… and this is the one that I am most ashamed of… ANYTHING that is suggested to me. 

It has gotten really really pathetic.

Watching Man v. Food hot wing challenge?  HOT WINGS!  Must have them.  A comedian talking about breakfast?  QUICHE!  Must find quiche at 9 pm.  A post on how to make the perfect popcorn?  POPCORN!  Daaaaaave!  Can you please run to the store and get ‘real’ popcorn?  Pretty please!  Yes, I know you hate popcorn, but the baby really wants it.  A gorgeous bleu cheese wedge salad in my Google Reader at 9 am?  Don’t mind if I do.  My post from yesterday with all of the tasty desserts?  CHEESECAKE, must have cheesecake.

I have to say, at least it’s not pica.  I could be eating dirt.

Tell me what your pregnancy cravings were and make me feel a little better.

My Mom, Martha, & The Walleye Queen.

27 January 2011 | 10 Comments

I have regaled you with tales of my mom before.  She is proud of my blogging, yet she doesn’t get why people on the internet want to read about our crazy family.  Five minutes later she usually provides some kind of fodder for me to blog about because she is quite possibly certifiably crazy.  Lovely, generous, and amazing as well, but the crazy is the one that comes through loud and clear. 

Allow me to illustrate. She truly believes that she can purchase karma points.  I am not even kidding.  Buying a random stranger breakfast?  Yes, it earns you a free day of road rage.  Yesterday, she bought us all lunch because she is building up karma points for next week.  {Someone should be very scared.} 

My favorite Janet stories though are the celebrity run ins.  There was, of course, the Snoop Dog incident.  And her recycling date with “one of those guys” from Nine Inch Nails.  Those two are worth a read, so go on ahead and click over.

But now.  Martha? 

While she was on a recent trip to Florida this cell picture popped up in my inbox.

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The grainy chick sitting right there in the center is Martha.  Ten feet from my mother.  The miracle here, unlike the previous two incidents, is that my mom actually knew who Martha was and there wasn’t an embarrassing encounter to be had. Well, unless you count the fact that the man to my mother’s left happened to be whispering loudly some not so flattering comments in regards to Martha’s less than taut neck waddle until she leaned over and whispered, “You do realize HGTV is filming right behind our shoulder?”  He gulped and shut up.  So perhaps somewhere on the editing room floor are some comments that are better left unshared.  Other than that, unscathed.

Considering the comments didn’t come from her AND the fact that she actually knew who it was.  We’re just going to go ahead and count it as her first successful run in with a celebrity.

All goes well for the rest of the trip and she returns home safely back to the frozen tundra of Ohio.  The next night we go out to dinner and she tells us about her trip, how endlessly proud she was of her team and their hard work, and then she mentions Danielle. 

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That’s Danielle right there, her “work daughter” that I am pretty sure she likes more than her real daughters.  I’m not sure if it’s because Danielle was once the Walleye Queen {another story for another day} or because she is hilarious, either way she is awesome.  She starts laughing and explaining that the entire time they were in Florida, she felt like she was with my evil twin because Danielle kept taking pictures of all the food. 

I mean, ok… I am a blogger so I have a reason to do it.  {Sort of.}  Danielle just does it because she likes it, so I made her send the pics to me so I could share with you. 

There were gators made of butter.

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A tray of mini desserts that she made my mom ‘model’ a la Vanna White.

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And the famous palm tree coulis decorating the cheesecake plate.

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And this scrumptious chocolate beauty that they should have snuck home to the pregnant girl.

chocolate_dessert

So there you have it, the Walleye Queen’s dessert filled trip through Florida.  Are you a food picture taker?  Y’all oooh and ahhh over her gator butter in the comments pretty please!

Valentine’s Day Treats

25 January 2011 | 5 Comments

Need some quick and easy Valentine’s Day treat ideas?  Enjoy these oldies, but goodies from last year.

Sea Salt Chocolate Covered Oreos & a quick tutorial on how to make those cute chocolate hearts.

Vanilla-Almond Valentine Cookies

We’re trying to decide what our Valentine treats will be this year.  Any suggestions?

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