01 October 2012

I really hope no one smells my armpits this morning because I ran out of deodorant.  Oh, don’t worry, I didn’t go without, I’m not that insane, I just borrowed Dave’s and I smell like a man.  My eighty-eight year old Meme totally hates the word ‘pits’ she thinks it is totally vulgar for some reason.  Anytime I think about my pits, I think of her. 

Thankfully, she doesn’t know how to use the internet or she’d call me this morning and say, “Oh, Shel, I can’t believe you said pits on the internet.”

She’d probably feel that way about a lot of what I post here, I’m guessing.  Hey, guess what?  Now I’m going to appall my mother too!

In case you’re new here, I’m a terrible housekeeper.  Terrible.  My mother finds this to be a fate worse than death that her daughter isn’t a neat freak.  Her nickname when we were growing up was Joan.  As in Crawford.  No she didn’t beat us with wire hangers, she just liked to wake us up at 7 am on a Saturday morning blasting the Ohio State fight song, to clean the house.  Our friends NEVER spent the night on Friday because she’d blast them out of bed too.  Then she’d make Lyndsey march around and dot the i. 

Are you getting a picture of why I am so weird?

She comes over to my house to babysit and folds my laundry while she’s here.   I can not be the only person in the world with perpetual baskets of clean laundry sitting around waiting to be folded.  Oh, but not for Janet, she pulls everything out of the dryer, folds it, and puts it away before the warning bell even dings on her fancy front loader. 

Don’t misunderstand, we are not straight Hoarder’s level by any means, but there is always chaos.  Always.  We clean the kitchen, we cook a meal for eight and use every pan in the house.  We clean the kids’ room, well… you can see where this is going, can’t you? 

I clean the same stack of toys 10 times a day, but it always always looks like a tornado has hit the living room.  When Tate is not into her toys, she’s pulling stacks of books out and not reading them.  Oh no, we only read Cinder the Bubble Blowing Dragon {close to probably ten times a day} but she likes to pull out all of the other books and taunt me with them anyway. 

Look at that book you haven’t read a million times Mom… doesn’t that story look intriguing?  Oh yeah, well, here is Cinder… again this time do it with your eyes closed, from memory.

So I’m not really a spring cleaner, per se but in the fall, there’s something about the prospect of cold weather and being stuck in the house.  It makes me want to clear out and go through stuff.  I have stacks of baby clothes to send to my cousin.  Another pile of stuff for the boys.  Last night I cleaned off our dumping ground desk.  Last week I cleaned the kids’ room.  It’s like winter is coming, everything must be organized right now.  Right now!

Or maybe it’s just a Pavlovian response to hearing the Ohio State fight song.


Yostee said...

I'm having one of those crazy mornings.. you know, the one where I have already have my hands in my head bawling b/c I have NO control. Then I read this... thank you for ALWAYS making me laugh!!!! This really made my day... made me think of my Mom-Mom, who was a super clean freak!!! We always told her when she died, we were going to bury her with a blue handi-wipe in her hand b/c she always had one!! We did not - but it would have been funny :) When I did stay there, she would let me sleep til 10, but then it was on like donkey kong... sheets and curtains and laundry and ironing and blah blah blah!!!!

And about your Meme's hate of the word 'pits'.... it kills me when people get grossed out by certain words. I have a co-worker that can't stand to hear the word moist or panties. You can only imagine how much fun the guys I work with had once they found that out...

Hope you have a wonderful day cleaning Michelle!!! :)

Laura said...

LOLing about the OSU fight song. Of course I traumatized the family and went to Michigan. And I am pretty much the world's worst housekeeper. I'll even take you on in a messy house duel! I am that confident in my lack of housekeeping!

Anonymous said...

OK Michelle, we always knew you were a little different, but your family still loves you. And you are absolutely right about Meme. I tell her about your blog and she cannot comprehend why you write what you do. And as for Janet...Go Bucks!
Aunt Linda

Kelly @ turned UP to ELEVEN! said...

I'm here to make you feel better... I have a basket of clean laundry... I also recently put away my suitcase of clean laundry (into the basket of clean laundry)... I went on vacation... in the beginning of August.

I don't have kids, I have no excuse. My husband and I have a bedroom that looks like two college kids shacked up. And sometimes so does our dining room table - right now it's a laundry explosion too. Clearly we have too many clothes.

I literally only clean my house when company is expected. Heaven help me when I have kids... I fear they will choke on dog and cat hair, or clean socks.

Just A Normal Mom said...

So you are a winter-nester. Cleaning in preparation for being stuck in the house all winter makes perfect sense!

yourfriendrobin said...

All the blogs I follow are on a cleaning streak right now! Something about October...

Clutter takes over so easily... I get in these frenzies where I throw stuff out because I can't handle any more stuff!!! If it was up to me our house would contain about 1/8th of all the stuff we have piled up all over the place.

And as I type, I know that at home I have a half-unpacked suitcase that has been sitting on my bedroom floor for 2 weeks. Resolved: I will unpack that suitcase and put it away today after work!

Kim Moore said...

I am like you with the clean laundry needing to be folded... I spent from after work until about 1am cleaning my house yesterday... It has gotten cluttered as a dumping ground. kids get home from school do homework, make a snack then I get home from work change clothes and go to hospital... One of John's brother decided that when he comes back this weekend hes bringing his family so they are crashing at my house since I have toys and room to fit eveyone comfortably bedwise.. I crank the radio to keep me on task.. My normal routine is pick up daily then on Saturday I wash bed linens and scrub floors and bathrooms.

Surely said...

This made me think of Swistle's Drop IN the Bucket In! theory. In a good way. (:-D

I'm a Fall cleaner as well. Dunno why.

PS: If you don't know it:

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