All The Things of Almost Three.

18 March 2014

cell 155 cell 010 cell 031

Oh, they warn you of the terrible twos. 

Whispered tales of epic meltdowns and power struggles and refusals to eat anything that isn’t crunchy/orange/that one up there, NO, not that one, THAT one/insert the texture or color of your choice here, but please, leave room for corrections because it will change again in five minutes.  This is the escalating battle of wills they promise you, along with the assurance that it will eventually pass.  There is talk of getting out of bed twelve times to ask for another drink or another snuggle, the screaming screeching wailing banshee call of two year olds everywhere, which may or may not be coupled with the ever popular, throwing themselves on the ground in a spectacular fashion. 

There is a secret code of bonus points for doing this in front of strangers who silently stare, clicking their tongues at the obvious unruliness and your deficient parenting knowledge. 

You will wonder how it is humanly possible for one miniature person to make that spectacular mess in the three minutes it took for you to bring the laundry up from the basement.  Then, you will contemplate tearing your hair out as they flat out refuse to clean any of it up.  There is also, of course, the extra twenty minutes you should have buffered into leaving the house because they will get themselves dressed, thankyouverymuch.

Or, maybe they won’t get dressed at all… you just never know, really. 

There is usually a piece missing in this terrible twos speech. 

The part where, even in your maddening state of chaos as a parent of an almost three year old, you will be dumbfounded daily.  You will stand there mouth agape as they spell their name, or count something one-by-one, or stand on one foot.  It’s as if you can see their brain working.  And they look at you, as if to say, oh this?  What’s the big deal? I’ve been doing this for simply ages

You will develop an uncanny knack to hide your stifled laughter when she responds to your ‘we use good table manners’ lecture with an eye roll and fluttering eyelids while sighing loudly.  OK. Fine.  This looking away, eye roll, eyelid flutter is supposed to mean you can’t see her.  But clearly, you not only see her, but also a glimpse of what age twelve holds for you and you start to realize that maybe two isn’t so terrible. 

She will walk everywhere with determination, loud footsteps and cherub little arm swinging decidedly, laden with her plastic jewels or her brother’s Spiderman gloves.  This one does not go quietly, no ma’am.  She will sing Do You Want to Build a Snowman, through the door keyhole at her brother, complete with pause for him to say go away, Anna.  She will echo her laughter running through the house.  She will offer no apologies for being a gorgeous pirate princess one moment, and the superhero bad guy the next.  It is undoubtedly, up to YOU to keep up.

Let’s color!  Let’s stomp in the snow!  Let’s read this book!  Let’s read this book again!  She will play bas-et-ball, while building a Lego castle, having a picnic, a tea party, no… a dance party!  You wanna have a dance party?

Now, who-body wants to play with me?  Who-body?!

You skip a second and she’s cupping your face sweetly with her chubby, sometimes sticky, hands to tell you something of utmost importance.   Dis purple is WON-da-FUL, my fingers are boo-ti-ful!  Lavender manicures and matching pedicures from her Aunt Lisey are chattered about for weeks.   Or she’s throwing her arms around your neck for a tight hug and assurances that you are her best gir-wl in da universe.  You watch her slightly reluctantly share something with her brother.  Thank yous are remembered and sometimes table manners too. 

And in those moments?  You will turn to your spouse and say, “we seriously make the most magnificent human beings on the planet,” and mean it.


Elise Albright said...

So really, it's like you owe us to make another...right Dave? Right!?

lkmckee said...

I am standing in my dark kitchen, reading just a few more things before I slink into my bedroom with sleeping husband and infant, exhausted from another day with my own almost-three-year-old girl, and crying and crying because you have described my life exactly. And it is beautiful. We also make the most magnificent humans, with all of their beauty and wonder and frustration. I'm just amazed that I get to be this crazy girl's mama.

Just A Normal Mom said...

Aw, this made me tear up. Written beautifully. They are awe-inspiring, the little humans we all make.
"Who-body" still has me chuckling :)

Jessica @ Wanting Adventure said...

So awesome. Love that she's becoming an awesome little person. :)

Kristin Shaw said...

Three and four are so magical. So frustratingly magical. :-) She's beautiful, of course!!

Yostee said...

Somedays my two year old drives me totally bat-shit crazy. But just one little magical thing will make it all better. You never know what it's going to be... him trying to give you the "I Love You" sign while trying to bend his fingers the right way, or the crawling right in bed, putting his forehead to mine saying "hi cuddlebug". Somedays it's the whole spectrum of feelings!!! I can only imagine what the "threenage" year next year will bring... :)

Samantha Smith said...

Funny, I posted this as my FB status two days ago, "Looking for guardianship of a three year old female. Health records available, upon request. Full wardrobe, accessories and health care items, provided. Will provide transportation costs to your residence which will be arranged through Fed Ex's Cardboard Box with Holes Program. Food and lodging costs negotiable. Has full dental, vision and medical plus a college fund.
In the interest of Full Disclosure, adamantly refuses: bath time, vegetables, ground meat, anything that has a pepper or herb flake on it, nap time, bed time and pooping on the potty. Does NOT like affection unless she wants it.
Quirky side note: She found out last night that she came from a"bee-boo" (belly button). May try to crawl back into an unsuspecting bee-boo when one is not looking. Swatting her away makes her more determined to crawl into one's bee-boo. Proceed with caution.
All interested inquiries and offers will be entertained. Please contact me. Tonight."

@JessEsco said...

Allie ditches pants as much as possible. It's awesome. Except not in public. Least she leaves on the underwear.

But the tantrums? Oh the epicness. She's paying us back in kind since Ava never gave us any of this.

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