Oh, Her? It’s Probably A Midlife Crisis.

18 February 2014

It sucks when you feel like you’re not living your best life.   Right now, I’m not.

Think I’m kidding?  My biggest accomplishment this week was not screwing up dinner with my in-laws and beating level 154 in Candy Crush.

There.  I said it. 

I just maybe, might be, possibly having a midlife crisis.  I mean, that would really piss me off because if this is midlife, it would only mean making it to 74 and that really isn’t long enough to spoil my future grandchildren and make inappropriate comments that only the curmudgeon-est  old ladies can get away with.  You all are well aware that I am totally going to be that old lady.  So, maybe lets call it a third life crisis instead?

Yeah.  I’m coining that right now.

So, this third life crisis, I’m not going out to buy a new sports car or anything.  One, sports cars look absolutely ridiculous with car seats in the back.  Two, I don’t have a small penis.  In the interest of honesty, I don’t have a penis at all, but I’d imagine it would be huge if I did.


I was thinking about taking a young, probably foreign, lover.  Dave says that if that happens, I’m going to have to go back to work full time. 

I was going to take a vacation, but I’d have to take that little one with me and that sounds like a lot of chaos and very little relaxation.  This morning, she told me my boobs looked like mountains.

This is my life.

Too many snow days.  Not enough sunshine.  Writer’s block something fierce.  Deadlines that are looming.  Aforementioned snow days making actually meeting those deadlines impossible.  Picking up the same Legos 372 times this week.  A vomit filled child… seriously WHERE does he keep all that stuff in such a little body?  Too much crazy on the news.  A massive need for a hair color touch up.  Hormones making my face break out worse than a teenager.  Ridiculous first world problems that I feel embarrassed to admit to myself, let alone you guys.

I need to get unstuck.  I’m just trying to figure out a way to deal that doesn’t involve copious amounts of Xanax or little children telling me I’ve lost my mind.



Anonymous said...

I bake and exercise. I literally will just go out and sweat till I almost pass out just to get crap out of my system.

Anonymous said...

I am right there will you on the snow days and the sunshine! Hang in there. Everyday is one more day closer to June.

shannon said...

So, last year I ran a couple of times... Oh, it was a bitch... but afterwards... afterwards I felt like I could do anything. I felt creative. I felt energized. I felt like I was God. I felt... great. I say we strap our mountains down and start running together... What do you think?

Denise said...

I'd say two phone calls are in order. The first one is to Dave, to tell him that you're going out tonight. The second one is to whichever friend will say "when and where" when you tell her you need to leave the house tonight and you need to vent. Kiss Dave hello and goodbye when he walks in, and go and have a few drinks and a good talk (or cry, depending on what you need) with a friend who will let you vent until you're done. It will help. And under no circumstances should you return home until both kids are sound asleep. It won't fix everything, but it will clear your head enough for you to face tomorrow. Good luck. :)

Unknown said...

It is absolutely the weather! I have been suffering from the winter blues and today the skies opened up and gave me some 50+ degree weather and sunshine! Just walking across the campus I work on has put some extra skip in my step!! Hang in there.....this too shall pass :)

Unknown said...

I love this post. It is so real and so honest! I feel like my head is spinning myself. I'm so old my midlife crisis should have happened years ago. I'm just hanging on, doing everything I can, hoping something will stick.

Kimberly Fretz said...

Sing everything... pretend you are in a musical of your own life and belt it out! It has a 1-3 minute quietening affect on children who are age 4 and under due to shock. If you can make phrases rhyme, you get bonus points. If your spouse joins you in this, well... let's just say you'll be laughing about it together in the old-folks home over mashed potatoes! (Or perhaps sooner in the mental ward... which actually sounds a bit spa-like at the moment!)

Tiffani Hudson said...

I love this post and can totally relate. In May I did a post called Keep Your Chin Up where I listed twenty things that help me fight off the blues. I do think that the weather is a huge contributor right now.

Michelle said...

Tiffani, that is brilliant. I need a blues fighting, happy list too!

Anonymous said...

I concur with the happy list! Perhaps that's just because I really like lists. You could try running a social experiment on yourself. Come up with your list of mood-boosting activites, and then start checking them off and see which ones raise your spirits the most/for the longest amount of time. I've recently starting buying fresh flowers when I go for my weekly grocery shopping trip and there's something about staring at their bright colorful petals that helps me to ignore the grayness that's outside.

Jackie said...

Maybe a trip to North Carolina...we can leave Dave and Marvin with the kids and drink wine, eat good food and remember the days when the only thing we had to worry about was whether Stephen or Pat were working in the deli and we could snag some free slices of lunch meat!
Love you, miss you and I am always here if you need me.

Jen Mruk said...

I am so right here right now. I am so sick of the weather and the snow and they gray. Taking my little Finn in to daycare everyday and then walking in to work hunched over to shield myself from the insane windy coldness every morning is making me grumpy, which is very unusual for this morning person/extrovert who has been called "annoyingly joyful" by a co-worker for several years now. I need a seminar or a girls weekend or something to remind myself that I am fucking awesome and winter will not best me!!! Sigh.. instead I just drink wine after I put my little man to bed and tell my sweet husband to find something not depressing to watch on t.v. booooo!

Anonymous said...

I could have written this post.....I do believe the long, cold winter does play a role in it, but for me, something else seems to going on OR it is worse than other times. I am not sure what the solution is. I started working out and trying to eat better, thinking that would boost my energy level and mood. But it makes it worse when I fail at that.....I would love to hear what works for you. I just want to sit and stare at the wall (or TV) some days but then only get further behind!!!! I hate to complain to co-workers, husband, friends, sister because they can't seem to fill what I am missing on. I feel I need to figure this out on my own.... make sense?? I hope this all passes soon!!!!! Hear's to a great (or better) day!

Kristina Grum said...

This totally cracks me up because today after I got out of the shower, one of the girls said, "Now I know why you wear a bra. Your boobs hang really low. Are they supposed to be that way? Will mine be that way?" Oh sweet child, only if you nurse 3 babies in 3 years.

Hope the funk passes soon and some sunshine enters OH.

Ashley said...

Homeschool them! On school days when there is no school. It will keep them occupied and teach them some things that they won't have time to teach at school during these Common Core times we are in. Get an awesome literature based curriculum that can span their ages and only pull it out on those days. Teach Tate everything she needs to know to be ahead when she gets to real school. Find the best learning sites for Finn. Engage, interact and when all else fails, turn on the boob tube and day drink.

Just A Normal Mom said...

I wish I had advice. Best I can think of is that you need a girls weekend. Away from home. With alcohol. And preferably warm weather and sunshine. Hang in there. The weather has got to be getting to you all back there. I don't know how you are managing!

Katie @ On the Banks of Squaw Creek said...

It's not a 1/3rd life crisis. It's February.

Last Feb, I took 20,000 IU of Vit. D. daily. Yeah, that's 20x the daily recommended value. And yeah, it probably contributed to my kidney stone.
But I survived February.

Post a Comment

Thanks so much for taking the time to add your thoughts! Comments on older posts are moderated, so if they don't get published immediately, don't despair.

Related Posts with Thumbnails