It sucks when you feel like you’re not living your best life. Right now, I’m not.
Think I’m kidding? My biggest accomplishment this week was not screwing up dinner with my in-laws and beating level 154 in Candy Crush.
There. I said it.
I just maybe, might be, possibly having a midlife crisis. I mean, that would really piss me off because if this is midlife, it would only mean making it to 74 and that really isn’t long enough to spoil my future grandchildren and make inappropriate comments that only the curmudgeon-est old ladies can get away with. You all are well aware that I am totally going to be that old lady. So, maybe lets call it a third life crisis instead?
Yeah. I’m coining that right now.
So, this third life crisis, I’m not going out to buy a new sports car or anything. One, sports cars look absolutely ridiculous with car seats in the back. Two, I don’t have a small penis. In the interest of honesty, I don’t have a penis at all, but I’d imagine it would be huge if I did.
I was thinking about taking a young, probably foreign, lover. Dave says that if that happens, I’m going to have to go back to work full time.
I was going to take a vacation, but I’d have to take that little one with me and that sounds like a lot of chaos and very little relaxation. This morning, she told me my boobs looked like mountains.
This is my life.
Too many snow days. Not enough sunshine. Writer’s block something fierce. Deadlines that are looming. Aforementioned snow days making actually meeting those deadlines impossible. Picking up the same Legos 372 times this week. A vomit filled child… seriously WHERE does he keep all that stuff in such a little body? Too much crazy on the news. A massive need for a hair color touch up. Hormones making my face break out worse than a teenager. Ridiculous first world problems that I feel embarrassed to admit to myself, let alone you guys.
I need to get unstuck. I’m just trying to figure out a way to deal that doesn’t involve copious amounts of Xanax or little children telling me I’ve lost my mind.