Happy Halloween!

From our house to yours, I hope you have a safe, fun, candy filled Halloween! 

I suppose that I should finish up Sheriff Woody’s costume.  That’s his best buddy Ollie as Buzz.  And his cousin Myles is going to be Rex, but his slacker Dad didn’t have a costume ready for him on Sunday when we went to a trick or treat event, so he’s masquerading as Spiderman.  The three of them are a Toy Story force to be reckoned with.

What are your munchkins going as?

Thrilling you with tales of cleaning.

So today, you don’t get a real post.  Only a post that is a fake post telling you I’ll be back for a real post soon.

Why am I slacking on the post today?

My inlaws and my mother are coming to my house for Halloween.  And that means my house has to be clean.  Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest clean.

Which incidentally is the nickname we had for my mother while we were growing up.  Sometimes we still slip and call her Joan.

It’s not like she beat us with wire hangers, but she did wake us up at 7 am on Saturday mornings blasting the OSU fight song until we got out of bed and cleaned.  In my book, that is surely as bad as getting beaten with a wire hanger, right?  No?  Well it sure felt as bad when you were 16 and none of your friends wanted to spend the night on Friday night because they all knew what was coming.

So, I’m cleaning. 

Well, really I’m writing this fake post when I should be cleaning.

And you wonder why I miss having a cleaning person?  I would MUCH rather be playing with you guys.

Candy.

Can we talk Halloween candy today?

Remember when you were a kid and you would hit the trick-or-treat jackpot with the house that handed out full size candy bars?  If I had a boatload of cash and a house that didn’t get 500 kids, I would totally be that house.

If nothing else, I’m pretty sure the look on Dave’s face when I tell him I spent $250 on Halloween candy would make it worth it.  Oh sure, there are the kids’ happy faces too, but really it’s all about screwing with Dave.

Dude, it’s not like I’m the house handing out pennies or crappy fake Tootsie Rolls.  I hand out the good stuff, it’s just in the fun size. 

I’m pretty sure a ‘funner size’ would be full size, but I digress.

I’ve avoided buying any because inevitably what happens in our house is a month before Halloween, we buy 25 pounds of chocolate.  Between Dave and I having a snack or two here and there, it’s gone by the time Halloween rolls around.  So this year, we just decided to hold off… and by we, I mean I did. 

Dave would like nothing more than to snack on a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup or an Almond Joy.  Seriously, what kind of weirdo lists Almond Joy as their favorite Halloween candy?  It’s like I married a communist. 

I think he only loves Almond Joy because I don’t have the heart to hand one to a three year old in a Little Bo Peep costume.   I save those for the asshole teenagers who slap on a werewolf mask and trick-or-treat long past their prime, so there are always a ton left over.

The little bug usually chooses something fruity.  Gummy things, Skittles, and Smarties are amongst his favorites.

Me?  Heath, m&ms, and Butterfinger top my list.

So, what are your faves?  And what do you hand out?

Naps.

I like naps.  A lot. 

I'm a napper.  Nappy McNapALot.  Napasaurus.

A little afternoon siesta?  Hell yes.

We gave up {and by we I mean the three year old} naps a few weeks ago because it helps him sleep better and longer at night.  At the time I thought this was a good idea, but now I am rethinking it.  Oh sure, there is a nap here and there still, but it's not like the old days when we'd have an hour or three each day.


Do you know what I want more than anything in the world right now? 

A nap.

By my very own self.

A nice long luxurious afternoon nap cuddled up under my white cotton duvet with my head resting on a down pillow or two, ceiling fan softly whirring.  {I totally know ceiling fans are ugly, but I would rather die than not have one in our room.  Interior decorating gurus be damned.}

In this house either I have a 6 foot hairy dude, a three year old, or a poodle who is considerably more space taking than he should be on me when I sleep and a cat who wants nothing more than to wake us up if he thinks Dave is supposed to go to work.

Each one of them is like a sweat machine, one more sweat inducing than the next.  I wake up sweating my ballz off, violently kicking covers off and having nightmares about being in a toaster.

As if that weren't enough, there are cats waking us up by jumping on our full length mirror... pouncing on his own reflection.  Or a poodle who barks at the slightest noise.  Or phones ringing.

Most of the time, it's all three.

So, if you could send the perfect nap fairy over here to my house, I would be eternally grateful.

And when she's done, the cleaning fairy can pay us a visit next.