The Fornification of Frogs

Elise from the Attic is a weekly blog post from my sister Elise who is currently kicking up her heels and studying her ass off in Kentucky. She is a fashionista and a lunatic, but we love her. Mostly. Here is this week's edition of:

I am questioning my sanity and the sanity of the Kentucky population.

First, my sociology teaching assistant, who moved here from China two years ago, went on for twenty minutes about how "our society puts us in chins" before I realized that he was saying chains.

As I was leaving that class, this guy stops me and asks me to point him to the journalism buliding. I guess he thought I looked nerdy enough that I would know where every class on campus is held... he was correct. But, as I'm pointing to a girl in the distance, using her as a reference in describing to him which way to go I said,  "See the blonde girl way up there?"   He responded with, "Oh yeah, the one with the hUGE ass? hahahahahaha," this guy was looking at me like I was going to laugh along and compliment him on his charm and wit.  It took every amount of class I have in me to restrain myself from beating him down right there on the sidewalk. He obviously did not look close enough to see the behind that my mother passed on to me.

The craziness does not end there my friends.

In Biology, my nut of a professor {who my friend and I have decided cannot possibly be married} decided to lecture on the fornification of species of toads and frogs. This, coming from a man who refers to himself as "rat bastard".  THE. MAN. CALLS. HIMSELF. RAT. BASTARD. PEOPLE! Anyway, before pulling out two large snakes from a bag at the end of the class to show us {for no obvious reason at all} he showed slides of frogs getting it on for an hour and fifteen minutes.

Is it creepy that I kind of found it really interesting though? If the answer to that question is yes, then I was just kidding.

But, to prove his theory that a frog will eat anything that moves and fits in its mouth and mates with anything that moves and doesn't fit in its mouth, he put his HAND in a pond in his back yard and watched three toads hump it for hours.... 6 hours to be exact. He said they would have gone for 12.

Naturally, he showed us the pictures.

I was beginning to think I was the only person on this campus with a semblence of sanity left...until I tried to pull the door open at the tanning salon for a good five minutes until realizing I was supposed to push. This is what I'm dealing with on a daily basis.....If I haven't lost my mind yet, it will undoubtedly happen soon.

Until next week,

Elise, From the Attic

Another SUPER Happy Thursday Thing...

Do you know the Birthday Girl?  If not hop, skip, & JUMP right over to check out Becca's fabulous party blog.

Pssst... there is a fab write up about Finn's Seuss Party right here!

I am so excited.  And thankful.  Becca, you're wonderful and I love it.  Love.  It.

Happy Things for Thursday

• We're getting snow!  Oh, it isn't a lot, just 2-4 inches expected, but we're down 6 or so inches for the year and I miss it.  The rest of the eastern half of the country is supposed to get much more.  Lucky.
• Pregnancies!  {Not mine! Ha.}  Two of my good friends have announced pregnancies recently and I couldn't be happier for them.
• Scrabble on Facebook.  Amy & I are addicted.  Pretty much right up to the line on whether we should join a support group.  So we play, game after game.  With a hit of Word Twist thrown in the mix.  Oh yeah.
• I got a much needed brow wax yesterday.  I'm a freak about my eyebrows.  I like them to have shape and not be too thin and not look like I need to draw them on, but compliment my eyes nicely.  {I know... it's the only area of my life that I am high maintenance.}  I had to give up on my usual girl after years of going to her and have been on a mad search to find someone I loved equally.  Well, I saw Tristan before our trip to California and again yesterday.  I'm in love.  LOVE.  She is fantastic.  Local girls, I'll be happy to pass along her info, just shoot me an email.
• The Superbowl is this weekend and while I'm not a big pro-ball fan, I love the advertising.  Fingers crossed for a good crop of commercials this year.  This might call for a pot of turkey chili. 
• Tomorrow is another installment of Elise from the Attic!  I think I *may* look forward to these posts more than anyone.  Tomorrow also brings the winner of the fun 80s book!  I realize that I didn't put a time on it, so let's say you have until 6 pm {EST} on Friday to enter.
• EIGHT more days & I can not wait!!!

Tell me something happy in your world today!

I Miss My Plastic Charm Necklace.

Once, when Lyndsey and I were little, she shoved American cheese into my Strawberry Shortcake Blow Kiss doll.  You have no idea what I am talking about?  Strawberry Shortcake had baby dolls that, when you squeezed them, would blow fruit scented air into your face.  It was our favorite activity while dancing around in our Wonder Woman underoos watching Saturday morning cartoons.  I believe these days, they call it huffing, but whatevs. We had Lemon Meringue and Strawberry.  And Lyndsey had shoved the american cheese into her mouth which put the end to the strawberry scented goodness until one day, the cheese dried out enough to be dislodged just so.  When we pushed on her belly, she shot cheese out of her mouth at such a great speed that I'm pretty sure Rainbow Brite and Christina Marie were scared.  Christina Marie was my Cabbage Patch... she had a normal name because she was one of the first edition, procured by some miracle the Christmas I was seven  by my Meme from a friend of hers in New York.  Don't tell anyone, but she still lives in my house.

Lynds and I were children of the eighties.  We walked to the drugstore to buy giant flourescent pink triangle earrings.  We wore jelly shoes until our feet blistered.  We had every color of embroidery floss imaginable and would spend hours making friendship bracelets.  That was after the beaded friendship pin craze had died off a bit.  The Christmas that I was in sixth grade, my aunt took me to the Limited to buy an Outback Red shirt, I was in seventh heaven.  It was just about as awesome as my friends renting a white limo for my thirteenth birthday.  We rode around and drank two liters of soda.  How cool can you get?

My aunt also worked for Apple and got a IIe for us.  My mom probably had a $400 phone bill every month in 1987 when we were introduced to Prodigy by my Uncle Jim.  "Mom, we can meet someone in Oklahoma or Maine or New Hampshire!  You just use the phone line!  It is sooooo cool."  It lived in our bedroom, that we somehow convinced my mother to let us paint with bright white walls and black trim.  I can't even fathom the kind of "cool mom" factor it takes to let your pre-teens paint that hideousness with your blessing. 

Of course, it wasn't all Funshine & Cheer Bears, there were bad things too.  It is still the bane of my existance that I lost the tape of Lyndsey falling on her butt captured on my PXL-2000.  I was sure that was my ticket to Bob Sagett and his Funny Videos.  We ran out of cake mix & light bulbs burnt out of our Easy Bake Ovens.  My cousin John had all of his action figures stolen right out of the back of my Meme's Pacer in the parking lot of the grocery store.  And we do have photographic evidence of me only wearing pink and white, mostly flashdance-esque sweatshirts, for about two years of my life.  And the shoulder pads, the shoulder pads.  Who would let a fourth grader wear a turquoise blazer with shoulder pads to school?  That's right.  My mother. 

And the charm necklace.  Ohhhhh the sweet sweet plastic charm necklace.  Filled with clip on charms like a baby bottle, a tennis racket, and an abacus, because in 1985, you never knew when you might need a miniature plastic abacus.  To do your counting of Hello Kitty items or Garbage Pail Kid cards or ummm whatever?  If I had that pink plastic goodness today, I would be forced to wear it AND pretend I was putting on the plastic lipstick charm, the awesomeness was just that powerful.  There is no point in denying it.

This post is really for my awesome friend Merrily, who introduced me to this book, modeled by the gorgeous Christina Marie herself...

It's a book, it's a Trapper, there are images of smelly stickers, it's totally RAD.  I read this and laughed hysterically.  And now, I'm passing it on to one of you.  {Full disclosure, I totally paid for this sucker & already read it.} Leave a comment with YOUR favorite and thing about the eighties.  I will choose a winner on Friday, February 5.

Gotta go.  Digrassi Junior High is on and my crimper is done heating up. 

{UPDATE:  Thank you to all the entries!  The winner, chosen very democratically by writing everyone's name on paper and having Finnegan choose one, is GEORGIE!  Congrats!  I need your address to get your book to you!}