To That Girl, In Her Twenties.

20 August 2014

That Girl in Her Twenties

It’s fine that you don’t have it all figured out. 

Hear me out.  I know you think you do, because that is how you have operated your entire life, but no, you don’t. 

Not at all, in fact. 

You are exactly, unequivocally where you are supposed to be in your life.  Trust in that.  Put to rest that feeling, the one that says, everyone else has a plan and you don’t.  It doesn’t matter that your siblings, your friends, your parents, that girl from high school, your cousins, or your mortal frenemy were married, had a job, whatever at your age… that isn’t your story, it’s theirs.  Stop bringing self-doubt and comparison to the table instead of your own bounty.      

Enjoy right where you are, right at this very minute.   Your entire life is there, laid out before you, just loaded with possibility.  You can fill it with whatever you want. 

I wish you could appreciate how unbelievably awesome that really is, but you won’t until you are old.

You get to make mistakes.  Thousands of them.  You get to try stupid shit.  If there ever was a time to do that, it’s now.  Trust me.  You get to do that thing that you believe in, the one that puts a fire in your belly when you think about it.  You can even do the thing that everyone in your life tells you NOT to do.  Sure, sometimes you will screw it all up, but sometimes it will be magnificent.  Do it, regardless of the outcome.  Just because you can.  

That goes for dating too.  You get to date the right ones and date the wrong ones, you don’t even have to recognize the difference right now.  You can have unapologetic {safe… goes with out saying, doesn’t it?} sex without attachment.  You can be in a long term relationship without ever having sex at all, if you like.  You can date, you can flirt, you can masturbate without shame, you can be abstinent, have a thousand partners, you can love a man, or a woman, or both.  Your body doesn’t belong to your parents, your partner, your friends, your religion, or anyone other than you.  And that is exactly who gets to make the decisions about it.  You.       

You get to struggle and work harder than you ever have.  You will learn exactly what you are made of in the moments that you think you can’t handle.  You will flounder and you will figure shit out, or you will fall flat on your face.  The first will teach you perseverance, the second will teach you humility.  Both are hard won, valuable gifts.

You get to figure out, sometimes it’s ok to walk away.  You can run from toxic friends, from your small town, or your big city, from the thing that you no longer want to be, but were just sure you wanted to do when you were twelve, and even from that relationship that no longer makes you happy.    

Your life, it will unfold.  Faster than you ever imagined it could, in most cases.  All it will be a part of you and each piece is important.  You will have hilarious stories to laugh about with your friends, the heartaches will have softened, you will know that you lived your dream, you will be grateful for the mis-steps and mistakes and the lessons learned. 

I know it’s hard to see right now because you are waiting for that next thing.  The person.  The career.  The house.  The kids.  The feeling that you have it all figured out.  Not unlike when you were five and waiting for school to start, twelve waiting for your first kiss, or sixteen and waiting for your drivers license.  Those things you’re waiting for, they will get there, when they get there, they can’t be rushed.  If I’m being honest, sometimes they never show up.  

Here is a secret though, one that some people never figure out.  You don’t need any of those things, not one, to be a complete, wonderful, dazzling human being.  You’re already there.  But, you knew that already, didn’t you?


Ashton Billings said...

Love, Love, Love this post!!! I am 28 and I wish I would've seen or heard something like this at 21 but seeing it today was something that I REALLY needed!! I find myself doing these same things - comparing my life, my mistakes, etc. to others my age, my mother, my friends and CONSTANTLY wondering what it is that I'm doing wrong to not be where, in my mind, I'm "supposed" to be. The mistakes I made at 18-22 wound up putting me behind alot of my peers as far as accomplishments at this point and everyday I think about it, it's hard not to get upset. In these times, I just have to tell myself that my struggle may be more difficult and it may be longer but nevertheless, it's MY STRUGGLE and no one else's. It may not be the plan I had in mind but, especially in the past few years, I've learned that whatever path you THINK you have planned is usually VERY different from how it will actually go. The good Lord above has that mapped out before it ever happens and the reasons that you will go through certain things good or bad or unknown to most of us, but there is a reason. Even with knowing this, that usually doesn't make it any easier but I have to trust that one day, not only will I understand, but I will also appreciate all of it. Second-guessing myself is one of the things I do best but reading these words early this morning has, even if only just for this moment, made me look at things a little differently and it's a post that I will FOR SURE be passing on to my baby sis...She, of course, has it way more figured out that I do ;) or so she believes!!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE this post! Can't wait to share it with my two teenage daughters. You are a beautiful writer. So gifted !
When should I expect to see your book in stores?
Beth W.(Nita's sister)

Bunny @ 86n It said...

So, so true.

Jessica @ Wanting Adventure said...

Amen. :)

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