Look, I know the areas in life where I excel. It unfortunately doesn’t involve me being a size two and wearing the most. stylish. boots. you ever did see. I will not be doing a triathlon, I’ll be the one over there handing out water and cheering you on while eating a muffin. My house isn’t ever company ready. Just move that pile of Legos, I will make dinner. I can make you laugh, I can make you think. I am a great friend. I am amazing in bed. I like the woman that I have become. I can also throw a party like you wouldn’t believe.
My name is Michelle and I throw “Pinterest worthy” parties for my children.
I don’t think this makes me a shitty mom, a superior mom, or that I have too much time on my hands. I assure you, I do not.
I also don’t think it makes you a shitty mom for NOT throwing parties like that for your children’s birthdays, having a spotless house, and working full time. I hope you’ll afford me the same kindness when I am braless in the drop off lane at school wearing pajamas and you look like you’ve had twelve hours of sleep, a blowout, and your makeup done before 9 am on a rainy Tuesday.
No really… my hair isn’t this big usually, the rain… dear God, the rain.
We all have our own things, our gifts, and talents. We all have our own priorities. That they are different, doesn’t make them wrong. We all are making the best of our collective situations, but it doesn’t mean we have to be assholes to each other.
See that? I swear too.
We’ve all become so defensive and annoying about parenting.
Do I make my single parent friends upset when I talk about an awful day that I’ve had when Dave is travelling for work and I don’t have a break? Do they think parenting is a breeze when there are two of us here? {Because it isn’t. Not even a little bit.} Does my friend Jen feel badly about showing off the hand sewn curtains and quilt she made for her sweet baby because I can’t sew for shit? Does Danielle feel badly that she runs freaking marathons {with her feet!} and training takes time away from other things? Does Kristina hesitate to Tweet that her kids are in bed by seven and she and her husband have some much needed alone time? Does Lindsay feel awkward that she always looks gorgeous next to the other moms at school? Does Emily pause before posting about finally, finally having her depression under control because she knows there are other moms still struggling? Do you neglect to mention that you and your husband are going on a vacation alone and get to sleep in for a glorious week because your sister hasn’t been on a vacation in 5 years? Does the mom from school buying Lunchables shove them under all of the other items in her cart when she sees you?
Why are we even thinking about this shit?
Really, why?
I have friends who feel badly about giving up breast feeding early, about breastfeeding too long, about not being able to cook, about not being the stylish mom, and about being the mom that wants a break from her kids. I have friends who feel guilty about sending their child to daycare, about not having the money to send their kid to camp, about not being athletic enough to coach their child’s soccer team. I have friends who worry about not having a house out of Martha Stewart Living. I have friends who feel like the frumpy mom, the single mom, the working mom, the stay at home mom, the mom that wore the wrong thing, the disorganized mom, the helicopter mom, the type A mom, the young mom, the old mom, THAT mom.
I have friends that worry that they are the only ones who aren’t Super Mom.
No one is Super Mom.
Not you. Or you. Or even you. Certainly not me. We just have different priorities.
My husband would argue that maybe shaving my legs and slapping on a little lipstick could take precedence over printing and organizing 350 school year photos for the kids in Finn’s class.
But Davester, I’m NOT Super Mom!
You want to be a crunchy organic vegan mama championing the fight against GMOs? Do it. You want to be the ballsy CEO of an empire so you can hire the best nanny money can buy? Step right ahead. You want to feed them takeout every night and spend that time playing with your kids? Go for it. You want to wear full makeup and heels on that field trip to the apple orchard? More power to you sister. You want to put those kids to bed at 7 pm every night and have some time to yourself? Rock on.
Just be a good parent, love your kids, and do the best that you can. Quit being a jackass to those who don’t share your choices.
More importantly, quit being a jackass to yourselves.
813 comments:
1 – 200 of 813 Newer› Newest»I absolutely LOVE this post! :)
I so needed your post this morning. Which by the way I was just reading this after dropping my son off at school after forcing a lunchable down him as we pulled into the dropped off lane (where I remained in my car because I was bralass, shoeless and coffee less).
Love this! Thanks for saying it out loud (or in type)!
PS - I love the photo!!!
YOU ROCK.xoxo
Amen, I just wish I were at least a size 10. :) Sigh - one day.
Please ignore the dust bunnies in the corner and have another glass of wine with me!
So perfectly said! Thank you for saying it...from a Mom who has not successfully completed one Pinterest pin - but has daughters that would still choose me over anyone else (I think).
Best post u have had yet. Im a stand-in mom (nanny) and i KNOW we dont always have it put together with a three person team taking care of one child. I sure am getting good training but NOTHING really can prepare u for the crazy things life throws at u! Also, this does not just relate to parenting choices- its all life choices in general. Just be the fucking person u want to be and make the choices u want. Dont judge someone for what they chose to do-don't yuck someone's yum-be urself.
Love it :-)
I get it, my kids haven't had a bath in four days, I just let my 8 month old eat pizza crust from the carpet, and I left a wedding on Saturday at 9:15 because I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep in a cold hotel room without having to breastfeed in the middle of the night.
Great post.
We all are "super hero" moms to our own kids no matter how we do it.
Lord have mercy. Rock on, sister girl. That's what I needed to hear. PS-I have a Finn, too.
I LOVE YOU! Seriously. This is perfect. Thanks for saying what needs to be said.
Thanks so much for this :)
You inspired me to post about this as well http://thegreenqtip.blogspot.com/2013/06/lets-be-happy-with-who-we-are.html
Hells to the yes!
I recently had a conversation about this very subject. Lets stand proud next to our special skills and talents
Hells to the yes!
I recently had a conversation about this very subject. Lets stand proud next to our special skills and talents
This is a great post. I wish I had written it, especially after I made a Pinterest-worthy photo bunting for Ashford's b day party and watched the humidity in my house curl it up like a hot roller. Fuck, seriously? I give up.
Wow...a militant mom post! Your revolutionary side is showing. Can't wait to meet this new person.
Love you
Aunt Linda
This is awesome and so are you, seriously. Thank you for writing this!
Wow..I love it! Surprised and happy that you all feel like I do..I may print this and pin it up at my children's school. I know quite a few people who could bennifit from reading this.( me included ) ;)
Michelle, I FREAKING LOVE YOU!
Thanks Michelle I really needed this today.. You are AWESOME!!! I think moms can be Super moms but in a different way. Every kid at one point or another has thought their mom was the best which in the eyes of their child they are SUPERMOM
I could not possibly LOVE and agree with this blog an ounce more than I do. *mwah*
I completely agree that us moms need to cut ourselves a break. However, most of the choices or priorities you list here have nothing to do with being a super mom: How you look, marathon training, hand me down furniture, how you feel, what you sew, whether you cook, etc. these are all about self. So, at the risk of being the asshole I have to ask, what about the kids?
AMEN SISTER! Thank you!
I think I love you. Amen to this post!
Love this article! Thank you! :)
As I stand here, still unshowered and braless from this morning's drop off.......Thank you. We all need to remind ourselves of this a bit more often!
As I stand here, still unshowered and braless from this morning's drop off.......Thank you. We all need to remind ourselves of this a bit more often!
like. a lot. (((applause)))
Love it, love it, love it! Thank you! :)
Love it, love it, love it! Thank you! :)
As a mom-to-be, this was a good moral booster for me. I will have something to remember as I am entering into this new phase in my life. Thank you
Perfectly written my friend!!!!
I think I might have to share this on my blog:) Not that many people frequent my blog because I am a slacker but want to share with those who do.
YOU ROCK!!! I so needed this today!!! AH-MA-ZING!!!
Great post! I need to re-read this every day!
um. AMAZEBALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for this!!
Great post, such a lovely reminder for all of us mamas!
As a mom at the other end of parenting (21 and 23 year olds) I can assure you that none of this stuff matters. All that matters is that your kids feel loved, secure and cared for and that you know you're doing the best you can. Great, great post.
You are so right. That stuff is poison! Also at the other end of parenting, I definitely let other mom's views have too much impact on my parenting experience. Seriously, giving each other a break could really make so much difference and let so much more love into all of our lives.
When did motherhood become a contest? When did children become a pawn on the "I'm better than you" chess board? I honestly don't want to ever play that game. I never cared about how a Mom looked or if she was the Martha Stewart of Moms. I also didn't have a problem with asking how they did it, either. With society being so transit now, Moms (and Dads) need to ban together to support one another not cut each other down. I have different talents than many of my Mom friends. I also had my children much younger than most. My children are grown and yet, we babysit for our friends so they can have a moment (go to a movie or catch up on laundry...we don't care). We go to dance recitals and ball games and cheer on our friends' kids. We love to hear how Jane got a scholarship to an Ivy league school or Jack enlisted in the Marines (we send goodies to both because Jane's and Jack's mom doesn't know how to bake, although she is learning). Children are always welcome to any of our parties. I don't care if they spill, shout, squeal, or do anything that children do. We should rejoice in each others successes (and each child's) and support each others' shortcomings. Bring on pictures! Bring on the stories! Bring on the tears of sadness because you somehow feel you failed today at being a Mom/Dad. I'll squeal for joy. I'll give you a hug if you need one and let you know tomorrow is another day. Share your secrets and I'll share mine.
Exactly!!
Amen to all that! Motherhood/Parenthood has become like the worst competitive sport ever that it's just become so insane and there's really no winning it! Well, that's if 'winning' means being the 'best', whatever that shit means. But you're right. Winning or being the best should just mean loving our kids as best we can, as best we know how, and hope and pray that we are raising them to be equipped and stable individuals who will need the least amount of therapy possible! ;-)
OMG, you took the words right out of my mouth and bless your soul! You are a woman with the right kind of thinking! :)
This.... this is amazing <3
I cried when I read this!! It hit on so many points! Great article, so true, you are a good mum if you love your children, don't hurt them and do what is best for your family! Thank you for putting this into writing! You rock!!
Wahooo. Love it :)
Well Said!! (wrote)
I live in a small town and get the inevitable everlasting stare down from other moms when dropping my girls off at school or going to the park or even taking a walk because I forgot to brush my kids hair or they aren't wearing that adorable tutu that was on sale for $50 (I don't even spend that on myself for anything!) or forgot to check to see if their shoes were on the right feet. I yell at my girls when they are fighting, I discipline them when they do something they were told not to but they tell me every single day how much they love me and I get an unconditional supply of hugs and kisses and nothing else matters! <3
I've read this three times today, and teared up every time. I, too, and the mom who throws Pinterest-worthy parties and love every bit of it. I cook from scratch and cloth diaper. I love those things, too. But they don't make me better than anyone else. I've never intended to make anyone feel bad for them. It's just what I do. What I don't do is workout, dress very stylishly, or keep my house all that clean. I work full time and put my kids in daycare. I sometime feel badly about those things, but we all just need a reminder now and then to focus on what we love and do well. And to celebrate what others so well, too! Even if they aren't the same things. ESPECIALLY if they aren't the same things!
I think it's great you figured this out now when your kids are young .....there are much more important things to worry about .....
be yourself and teach your kids the same
She forgot super awesome full time step mom to the kids that aren't even mine! Awesome post :)
well that was the BEST read in a Long Time Loved it ..Mother of 4 adult kids and Grandmother of 4 tinies thanks..
We try once a month to have a date night after having our baby 5 months ago. Every month we contemplate going and parking somewhere to have a really great nap. It is funny the things that become important. I am a good mom and am proud of it.
Being a mother is one of the greatest gift in life. Being able to do it perfectly is something that I think all of us moms strive for, but its ok to not be able to do it all. I remember trying to do it all after my divorce and realizing I couldn't, now my kids live full time with their dad and step mother because I broke, but in the end my kids are benefiting and I think that makes me a great mother. It is the choices that we make that defines us as mothers. Is a clean house, all the best toys, and being perfect in every way define us? No,it is teaching our children to make choices, loving them, learing with them, and as much time as possible with them that I think defines them. This post I must tell you made me tear up, because sometimes I feel like a failure because I could not do it on my own and had to rely on the father and step mother to play a bigger part. Thank you for this post.
Ummm, this made me laugh so hard. Terrific comment!! I couldn't relate more. :)
I Love this post and most of all it totally makes sense we are all different, But Loving our kids is the most important thing of all no matter how we do it.
I also so very much Thank you for your admittance of our (not perfect moms) and as I wonder every day about my now 28 yr old son and my 20 yr old daughter (did I ever fail my kids) Hell no... They have turned out to be wonderful adults and I thank God that I did make sure that we ate at the dinner table every night and discuss the day's events. So I know that I might have not had my hair done waiting for the morning School Bus and I also know that I raised two wonderful kids so Thanks again for being honest it brought tears of joy to my eyes <3
It is past mid-night in my part of the world, my husband and kids are fast asleep, but I am still up and probably will be the first to wake up later today. Your post couldn't have come at a better time, I am inspired by it.
Very well said, we are all super mums to those we love.
I agree, but I'm sick of "You're not Super Mom." Tired line. And not true. You know what I think? All of those women you described are Super Mom. Super Man isn't perfect and neither is Super Mom, but that doesn't make her, me or YOU less super.
Long, slow, clap coming your way, sister. Best post I've read in quite a while. Thanks for the pep talk.
Right on the money Sharon
I love love love this! So glad I stumbled upon it on a FB post. Thank you.
Like what you said. Not one Dad had the courage to come on her and say that Moms are appreciated and loved. Dads do what they can and more sometimes, but those of us that care are thankful for what you do. For all of the Dads out there I would like to say thank you, and we are trying to do our best.
I think this is beautiful, and you absolutely are Super-Mom - in your own fantastic way. I would welcome you into my dusty old house any day. I'd even shove aside whatever crap is on my kitchen table right now, grab us a box of wine and settle in for a good chat. Keep on keepin' on, Mama!
"Don't yuck someone's yum" well said!!!
The only thing I don't like of your post is that...I can't share it with ALL my friends on Facebook!!!
Brilliant!
Erin, what a wonderful acknowledgement of the challenges of parenting! Words to live by! "Just be the fucking person u want to be and make the choices u want. Dont judge someone for what they chose to do-don't yuck someone's yum-be urself." ?
Wow I definitely needed to read this!! I've been that mom who tries to be perfect and when I fail(which is everyday) I feel like I'm failing. But you know after reading this I realize I am a great mother. My little angel is always laughing and smiling with all the faces, noises,and games I do. I may not have dinner ready , have time to shower, but my child is happy!! Seeing her happy, growing, healthy everyday is all I need to feel accomplished as a mother. We all are super moms we all need to realize that. We created and grew a human being inside of us. And as long as we are doing what we feel is best for our children then screw what people say YOU ARE SUPER MOM
Loving this post -- Michelle, you said it exactly the way I'm always trying to! Hurrah to no more judgements, and hurrayyy to supporting other parents while they "do thier thing"!!!
what a lovely post. a friend shared in with our mothers' group, and I for one, was so impacted. i feel sad when other moms judge or compete when at the end of the day, what matters most is our relationships with our own kids. thanks for writing.
all good points, but maybe backwards in the conclusion. Stop being jackasses to other moms FIRST, then concentrate on being nicer to yourself.
Tears Thank you keep posting :)
LOVE this! So true!
Thanks you! I needed to read this right now :)
Thanks I really needed to read this today.
same goes for fathers too. I'm less likely to compare myself to other parents, just concerned I'm doing right by my children
You are awesome.
Love your blog.I'm a Mom of a thirty year old,and all I want to say is breath!Do your best,and make every minute count.Give extra hugs.And most of all be good to yourself,you deserve it.
Thank. You. I so needed to read this right now!
LOVE this! Love you. First time stopping by your blog, and I'm a total fan. Thank you for reassurance that I'm doing a good job ;)
I really needed this thank you
Thank you i really needed this today
Very true very true
You are freaking awesome and I am so glad I found this post. And your blog. Off to read more!
Thank you. Just thank you :-)
AMEN!
ROCK ON SISTER!
"We’ve all become so defensive and annoying about parenting."
YES. THIS. We need to live and let live. There are very few black and white areas with parenting - it's more like a choppy sea of grey. Why people run around trying to convince others of the 'right' way to parent, the 'correct' decisions to make, with no regard for any of the bazillion variables in an individuals life, is beyond me.
Thanks for the post - refreshing to read :-)
I frequently get comments for having a clean(ish) house, for sewing and quilting, and for braiding my hair (!) which is actually what I do when I don't have time to DO my hair! For the love! Everyone is good at something. I do not exercise, wear fancy clothes, or go on vacations. I'm a SAHM. Oh, and I cloth diaper. I have twin babies plus a preschooler. I wish every mom could read this post... lets all just play nice.
Best. Parenting. Post. Ever.
I really needed to read this today. Haven't been feeling like a great or even good anything (mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter, etc.).
Awesome post!! I so needed this right now! you just made a new follower! Can't wait to read more!
Tawnya
YOU hit the nail on the head. On my end, I even have my child's step-mama telling him that she will be "a better mother to her baby". Bring it on lady:) Competitiveness is not in my nature, but with that attitude, parenting will be one tough pill to swallow. I say take a step back, and enjoy (with a glass of wine that is)!
LOVE this reply. Totally relate!
AMEN! Love it! There is not one thing you said that I haven't felt or done it! Love your post, AWESOME!!
This is great! I am a working mom who is married to a working dad. A kid with homework i have to study before i can help, a toddler who is super sweet and super man with bruises that look like i beat him. I am sitting in the driveway trying to tell myself its okay to call in "sick" so i can spend real time with my toddler before i take my older kid and her friend to volleyball practice just as they get off the bus to a location 30 minutes away. I wont go into everything that happens after 3!!!!!- mom who doesnt want to be working mom today and i dont care what the other moms or my boss think today!! :)
Perfectly said- I needed this today, thank you!
Your musings were a wonderful reminder to stop trying to be someone else. If I choose to improve my parenting skills then that's my decision. Someone recently questioned my ability to care for my child who has spirit. I am proud of her spirit and hope she keeps it but learns when to use those reigns.
Amen
There is always someone out there who is smarter, prettier, more organized, more put-together, with smarter, more talented and better dressed children, who documents it all in an heirloom quality scrapbook. There is the team mom or room mother who assembles baskets of perfectly handcrafted gifts for each child, and there are the ones who volunteer daily at the school, and there are those who do all this and work full-time, take care of an invalid parent and still are put-together by 7 AM, even in the rain, as they drive not only their children to school, but ours too, in a spotless SUV, or so it seems.
A wise mom, of three high-achieving adult daughters, reminded me years ago, " You can have it all and do it all, just not at the same time."
While I agree with most of what you've said, their is one thing that, I my opinion, you got wrong. Your kids are happy, healthy, and loved? Then YES, you are a SuperMom! No matter how you do it. Ask your kids, they'll tell you :)
Wow! You cannot know how much I needed this right now! I am sitting at my computer, tears streaming down my face as I read this post that I am thanking GOD that a friend posted on Facebook. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am NOT Super Mom!
i wrote a similar article called, "moms, we're on the same team!" i'd love for you to read it http://mymommymentor.com/sameteam/. thanks for the confirmation that you and i are living in the same world! :)
A-freakin'-men. I couldn't agree more. It's like I told my kids in the car on the way to school this morning - "Can't you all just get along? Do you need to prove you're right Every. Single. Time? Just let it go and focus on yourself." And this post? Seriously makes me regret even more that we didn't get to meet up in person at BlogHer.
This was perfect. And perfect for me today. I compare myself to my daughter's step mom constantly and I always feel like I come up short, like she is a better mom. She is a teacher, is home every night for dinner, and every weekend. I work retail so I have odd hours. Such is the case today. Madison just started kindergarten last week when she was with her father. I went to the bus stop to see her off on her first day. This being my week with her, I have to drive her to school. Yesterday she was sick and stayed home with me (poor girl was miserable all day) and luckily I had the day off. Today, I had to be into work before school even started so I wasn't there to drop her off. I felt horrible and called my husband to say an extra "have a great day" to my daughter. I am not SuperMom by any means, but I am the best mom I can be to my daughter and that is enough. My daughter loves me, she has everything she needs and a lot of what she wants. I may not be able to shop at the organic grocery store for everything, I may not be able to be the president of the PTA/PTO, I may not make enough money to be a stay at home mom like I want to, but my daughter is provided for, loved unconditionally, and she knows it. I don't down other parents for their short comings, instead I compliment them on their talents. I need to start doing the same to myself.
Thank you for this post. It really hit home.
This makes me no longer feel bad for letting my 2-year old eat Pringles for breakfast. At least he washed them down with a vegan protein smoothie. I figure I win some and I lose a lot!
his is so true. So many moms feel like they're "less than" due to not being able to do all the Martha Stewart, supermom stuff. After I had my daughter, due to her being in the NICU at the hospital, due to her spina bifida and hydrocephalus, for awhile, as well as other issues, I couldn't breastfeed no matter how I tried so I chose to bottle feed. When she was 3 months old, I was taking her out one day and gave her a bottle. A woman asked me why I wasn't breastfeeding. I told her the reason but quite frankly, it was none of her damn business whether I was or not. Too many people feel it's their place to make people feel bad about their lives and it has to stop.
I love you!!!! Took the words I think every day and just made them sound a million times better. Made me smile:) you rock!
I have no idea how I even got here but I love it! Your ending alone is awesome.
Thank you for writing this! It was wonderful to read words that I myself think all the time! :)
Thank you! Thank you for saying what I think to myself daily!
You rock mama!
To the author awesome woman, mom who wrote this blog, you literally made my day. I wish you were my girlfriend, girl! Thank you so much, you words were amazing, and each time I read your post (in the last 5 min, I've read it twice already), I cry. Thank you and rock on awesome mom!
Great Post!!!:)
Uhhhhh I looved this post. So tired of this crap we do to each and ourselves. It's exhausting.
Thank you for writing this.
THIS is so RIGHT ON!!!!
Thank you! From a fellow muffin eating, pinterest worthy partu throwing mom! You are awesome!
LOVE!!!! Thank you :-)
I am not a mom (yet), but I absolutely loved this! All my friends that are moms really need to read this. It is very well written and very well put. Kudos to you!!!
Fabulous! Simply fabulous!
Perfect! I work, my hubby works, we have 4 boys aged 3-17...no the house isn't clean, dishes get done when someone remembers to fill & turn the dishwasher on, the cat & dog get fed & I prefer watching the boys hockey games to shopping or cleaning house! They will remember us cheering them from the stands & ice cream trips with teammates :) The house will be there in 15 years...the boys will be grown. Treasure this time!
I love you, and I want to be your friend :) THANK YOU!
We are all supermoms!
Love this! Thankyou!
Wow. I should read this at least twice a day to remind myself to let go of the trivial details and enjoy life!
GREAT READ! LOVED IT. Only other comment I care to make is that maybe we are all supermoms! If your children are happy, healthy and loved you are a super mom and nothing less no matter how our daily routines differ!
This is one of the best blog posts I've read in a long time. Thank you.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU and I SERIOUSLY need a friend like you in this nothing but a shit-hole town of very fake, and not-so-friendly women/moms. Where have you been the last 4 years that I have been a mom?! Well, wherever you were, I'm glad you're here now. Mom's need more women like you that can say it with confidence...As long as you love your kids and you're doing your best for them, then that's all that matters and everyone else can just KISS YOUR ASS!! :)
totally. people always say i have it all together because i run (with my kids in the stroller) and then i feel like i have to say, "well. my kid ate french fries for lunch and have you seen my living room?"
we're all different.
Amen @ Grudgemom!! I have been telling my friends the "airplane analogy" for years.. We are no good to our kids if we are no good to ourselves! PS: I have five kids, and they are just fine.. :)
What about them?
Yes! Us Full Time "step moms" deserve full props too!! *hugs*
Can I say....I love you? This made my day!!!!
amen
Thank you for your post. Just lamented to my husband yesterday how I feel like I fail my family everyday because I'm not being 'that mom' for everyone. Hard to just accept that I am who I am, and right now, my 2.5 year old doesn't care and just loves me unconditionally.
This was great! I love hearing how other moms are becoming "okay" with not being perfect. Realizing that we need time for ourselves to be better rested and prepared for our children is SO important!
Thanks!
Jamie @ motherhoodhonestly.com
I think I'm in love with you a little bit.
Yes indeedy.
I think I'm in love with you a little bit.
yes inDEEDY.
Thanks I needed that! :)
I needed this to read! Going through a tough time right now with supposed friends I've had since grade 8...I am now 34.Anyhow,good for you, we ALL need to support one another not talk about eachother behind backs and such.Can't believe I am this age and just was introduced to the term "friends off" wwwhhhaaattt. Take care and thanks for putting this into words!
New follower here and I could not agree more. I needed this today, thank you.
Simply awesome post. Can we be friends?!
I am your kind of mom! Loev it!
This is the best article I've read in a long time. AMEN SISTER!
From a man's perspective - my wife and I both work, our house is constantly a mess, we are always tired, the laundy is never done, and we have from 8.45 until 10.00 or so for dinner and time together. Pre-baby, we were both marathon runners, my wife was a size two, she always looked great, we went to great dinners, traveled, etc.. Now, I don't know what size she is, we never go to dinner, we still run 4 days a week with the jogging stroller, we both look exhausted all the time, and we never see our friends anymore. My wife gets home before I do and she and our 10 month old son greet me at the door and he smiles every time. I wouldn't trade even one of those smiles for one day of my 'old' life. (By the way, his first birthday party will NOT have a theme!)
OMG, I love you! I laughed with tears in my eyes, but don't get crazy, I'm probably just PMS'ing.
Awesome post. Don't forget us stay-home-dads too.
Quite often, we are extremely alone, since still a rare breed.
Stay at Home Dad, Absolutely AGREE. You are a rare breed, one that is welcome to hang out with me any day.
Right On! I have a saying in my kitchen that goes: GOOD moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens, but HAPPY kids.
I actually don't care for the post and feel as though it is very sarcastic.
I don't know why people assume if you have a clean house, job, workout, eat healthy, live organized, etc. then you are giving up something of value. Well, I'm not giving up anything and would argue, I gain so much more!
I have a 5 and 7 year old.
I work full-time, sometimes travel.
We are up by 5:30am and kids in bed by 8pm (because science proves they need rest!). I take that time at night to bond with my husband, because our relationship health impacts our children and we are showing this is important for a happy marriage.
Obesity and laziness leads to unhealthy shortened lives - again plenty of science behind this. My husband and I exercise (kids join) and eat healthy because it is our responsibility to show them a healthy lifestyle (and, ObamaCare will penalize you for unhealthy living with higher insurance - fact). And if you are feeling tired, that is most likely your bodies reaction to poor food consumption and lack of exercise (science behind this)
This country is in so much debt and every day we pay that price. So, teaching my kids how to save money and say no to lavish unnecessary things (over the top parties) will hopefully raise a generation of wise spenders and investors (several generations now failed miserably in that category).
My house is almost always company ready, because I don't have a lot of stuff in the house and I have been teaching my kids to clean up after themselves since they started walking. There is never an excuse, although reasons, to live in a filthy house.
All these responsibilities are handled with no lack of love and quality time with the kids. My kids show respect to others and respect their things. It is possible to live a healthy and organized life (sprinkled with a little crazy), so why not try to provide the best for your family? It requires sacrifice on our part as mom's but the reward of grounded, intelligent, self-disciplined, self-motivated, children that become adult contributors to society.
All I have to say is...well said.
Great post! Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. I love your last few lines!!
~Sarah ~
" Just be a good parent, love your kids, and do the best that you can. Quit being a jackass to those who don’t share your choices.
More importantly, quit being a jackass to yourselves. "
This is a fantastic post!! Love it so much!
Rebekah, I think you totally missed the point. Really.
I think it's great you know your priorities and that your life works for you. My life and priorities work for me. I'd argue that my kids are extremely grounded, intelligent, and self motivated as well. Well... that little one, she's two so her only motivation is My Little Ponies at the moment.
Very powerful! New mama to be here & it's a little intimidating to think about!! But you're right, you can't be super mom!
You said what we all ned to hear! So funny & honest. Thanks!
- C.K. at 50daysofnogrey.wordpress.com
I love you.
I love it. :-)
Amen! Love this love this love this!
Good grief this is awesome. WOW.
I don't care about the no br high heel comments but it is intertwined with other things as they relate to health, financiall stability and organization which mom's (not all) use the "being a mom" as an excuse to not improve. We have high divorce rates, high debt, high obesity rates in adults and children....these habits and behaviours start in the home.
My only advice is to be aware, as a mom, if we are taking advantage of the title to excuse all behaviours.
Yep. Rebekah missed the point. ... not this Rebekah though. I get it.. stop competing. stop judging and stop trying to fit into a mold that doesn't exist. Great post.
Well, I suppose it's possible that I've finally met the perfect SuperMom in you Rebekah.
Well, I suppose it's possible that I've finally met the perfect SuperMom in you Rebekah.
There is a difference between those things that have nothing to do with being a mom (heels to field trip, no bra) and those that impact our kids - food we serve them, rest they need, skills such as organization and financial smarts.
Being a mom or dad isn't an excuse for neglecting these teaching areas. I thinkt the dirty little secret of mom's is that we like to use the title as an excuse for all behaviours and decisions.
Just something to think about. Also, this has nothing to do with perfect mom or comparing. Simply look at your kids and you'll know. And it is way more than do they love you....children love even their abusers. Look at the behaviours they model -how do they play with others?, how do they treat their toys? Are they in front of a gaming station all day? Do they want your time and attention?
As they age, the indicators change. And, obviously, some clinical reasons impact behaviour.
I'm definitely glad to see mom's, perhaps for the first time realize they should not be comparing thrmselves to others. I think this is more of a "girl" thing since this is what we've done since we were teens just now its a new list (well...maybe the clothes, hair, personal belongings and party comparison are the same).
No negative thoughts, just challenging to go deeper on the thinking to evaluate why one may feel the way they do.
Damn right
ANTI C, Grandma said, "RIGHT ON" you ladies, you rock, been there, done that. Done some right, done some wrong, AND THE CHILDREN SURVIVED AND ARE GREAT! worked, stayed home, walked the kids to school when they were younger, didn't have a second car, saved all their report cards, all their sports team pictures in an album on their 21st birthdays, a history of their lives until that time. Keep sharing, good luck!
Michelle, I adore you! Thank you for saying out loud what so many of us think and feel! I am a mom of 3 with special needs and I always feel like others are judging me because my house is a disaster or I'm a disaster, some mornings I'm to tired to even brush my hair before jumping in the car to drive my daughter to school. If I can find my bra, I'll put it on and a size 2...never have been, never will be. As long as my kids are happy, have a good self esteme , are well mannered, well fed, and are achieving all they can and our family is loving, I'm a happy mom!
This post made me laugh and cry. You are brilliant, and we all are in our own brilliant ways. Thank you for this, thanks you!
Thank you so much for that post! I am having that kind of day where I feel like the World's Worst Mom. I have been judging myself since I got up this morning and I needed to hear what you had to say.
Not only do I say BEAUTIFULLY written, but I believe just what every mom needs to read.
Thank you for the reminder that motherhood is a gift. Not everyone is able to experience this blessing and would give anything to be just a average Mom, let alone Super Mom. Cherish your children, they are truly a blessing!
I am a dad, I appreciate this post!
Hi Michelle! I just want you to know how much I enjoyed your comments. It was great fun to read it as I said through out the whole thing-as you described your life- "That's me" "yup, That's me" Oh yeah, I do that too". You know I have 3 kids and a husband who happens to be one of my Biggest kid( I just didn't squeeze him out of my ass) and I work as a fulltime nurse and I just say to myself -if I can do half as good a job as my Mom did with 5 kids, a sick husband, and being a stay home Mom with a lot of Love for us & kids neighborhood, I'll be ok. I will never keep up with Jones's and frankly who wants to? Its too hard and too boring for my life! I think you are so right- just be who you are and love life because before you know it our kids are going to be in High School, College,Working professionals,and then its just going to be you in an empty house with overgrown Kid (which won't be too bad).Thanks for your post!!!
Right-on! I think this applies to dads too. Very well said.
I love love loved this post !! You have said it so well. Thank you.
I bow to you!
A-MEN!! I literally JUST posted on facebook this morning I was tired of the "check out what's in my kids planet lunchbox" posts! My kid got a freaking lunchable that he LOVES, a capri sun that OMGMIGHTHAVEMOLD and sugar, and non organic ninja turtle fruit snacks. I think every mom posts the "Highs" of her day because they probably have a lot of lows. Like the rest of us! Am I going to post a picture of my dog hair tumble weeds floating across my tile floor? No way...but I can post a picture of my gourmet dinner that I found on pinterest. So let's get REAL MOMS! Let's start sharing REAL life, not the fake facebook, instagram, twitter (<---- no idea how to use it) life!! awesome post! love you for sharing!!!
Love this post!!!
Thank you for this post! Amen and you rock!
"I am amazing in bed."
I call bullshit. If you're too lazy to even attempt a healthy, active lifestyle, how can you have any stamina in bed? Or is your idea of "amazing" just laying there and letting him do all the work?
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"I hope you’ll afford me the same kindness when I am braless in the drop off lane at school wearing pajamas and you look like you’ve had twelve hours of sleep, a blowout, and your makeup done before 9 am on a rainy Tuesday. "
Right... so now women that have a little self-respect are the bad ones? And the lazy are rewarded as heroic? Fuck off.
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"My husband would argue that maybe shaving my legs and slapping on a little lipstick could take precedence..."
I bet you can't keep the the other dads off you, or even your husband for that matter, with that kind of attitude.
Thank you so much for this post! I love it and needed it. Why is it so easy to compare our parenting style and come up short? I know for a fact that every day I do the best I can and I sure as hell am no super mom (although I looked sort of like one at my 6 year olds recent non-pinterest worthy party). I am trying and it only makes me a worse parent being hard on myself all the time.
I absolutely love this post! I agree with every word! Thanks for a dose of inspiration!
Also love this post!
Funny how i didn't put a label on mom's but yet the very thing everyone is celebrating about not judging, and Michelle gives me label....doing the very thing everyone is saying NOT to do.
So, as a dad...I LOVED THIS THIS IS AWESOME I AM SHARING IT WITH MY WIFE RIGHT NOW because even though she is not Super Mom (and I am far from Super Dad), what matters is that when our daughter wears a cape and calls herself "Super Dog" (she. loves. dogs. so. much. and all we have are cats) she looks at us and says, "I love you, Super Mom Dog and Super Dad Dog!" THAT's the payoff right there. Moments like that make it easier to come back from those long business trips, to grant yourself ten minutes of alone time while the other parent runs the kid on an errand, to forgive yourself for keeping the entire family in pajamas until 2 pm on a Sunday.
What I'm trying to say is: This mom GETS IT.
Love, love, love, love, love!
Thank you!
If I've never told you before, I'll say it now. I heart you Michele. You. Are. Awesome. :)
OmG!!! Love it!!!! May I say I get annoyed by the mums who don't give too shits about the needs of their child!!
I needed that. I was shitting on myself yesterday.( not literally) about what a crappy mom I was because of my priorities. I feel a little less shitty now.
AMEN!
Thank you so much for this, I really needed it today. Really.
You clearly missed the point of this post.
I love this! A friend shared this with me on facebook. I have added a link to this post on my Reflections of motherhood blog post. I will come back to read this again! Thank you!
OK, this is great, I really think so....Buuuuuuuuuuut...I really cannot tolerate parents (often 'super moms') who make the dangerous and misinformed 'choice' to NOT vaccinate their children. I've really had it with all this DIY medical research that's going on out there. I am non-judgmental except in this one regard. It is irresponsible and UNFAIR to the rest of us who DO vaccinate, thereby enabling you to make this crazy 'choice'. If you've ever seen a child afflicted by polio, you'd be running to the dr's office immediately!
Rebekah, I do think I understand what you are saying, and perhaps a merging of your post and this main post could be perfect. I think we SHOULD try to be our best, and try to do our best for our children. It really is not ok to be consistently lazy or unhealthy. But we shouldn't be so hard on others or ourselves when they and we are not always perfect.
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